


the phantom thieves: anxiety gays

by raw_sausig (crystal_gay)



Series: the phantom thieves: gay memefuckers [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Character, Character Death Fix, F/F, Fix-It, M/M, Memes, Post-Canon, Trans Character, ann and makoto are pals, chatfic, explanation for The Other Name, haru's father abused her, mishima and shiho are best friends, morgana isnt here much bc cats dont have paws, nobody bully my son yusuke, or any of the phantom thieves for that matter, sorry - Freeform, yes akira and mishima broke up, yusuke and futaba are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-05-14 07:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 69
Words: 36,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystal_gay/pseuds/raw_sausig
Summary: we have memes and ships i hope ur happy(pssst we have a discord now!!! https://discord.gg/EzcJcHX enjoy the party!!!!)





	1. theJoker created “phantom squad”

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [if 2 phantom thieves were on the moon and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899048) by [mellofricker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellofricker/pseuds/mellofricker). 



**theJoker created “phantom squad”**

**theJoker added 6 people to “phantom squad”**

jack skellington: oh hell no

blonde panther: oh hell yes

Yusuke: What is this?

Makoto Niijima: I’ll just leave before anything goes wrong…

**Makoto Niijima left “phantom squad”**

theJoker: Nope

**theJoker added Makoto Niijima to “phantom squad”**

theJoker: ;))))

Makoto Niijima: Ugh, fine. I’ll stay.

Beauty Thief: thank you mako!!!

Makoto Niijima: (/////)

theJoker: Hang on

**theJoker changed Makoto Niijima’s nickname to “motorcycle lesbian”**

Alibaba: weak watch this

**Alibaba changed Yusuke’s nickname to “inari”**

**Alibaba changed Alibaba’s nickname to “depression coma”**

theJoker: Well played taba

depression coma: thanks ‘kira

jack skellington: hey joker

theJoker: Yeah

jack skellington: tell me how u got those scars

Beauty Thief: PFFFF--

theJoker: I got beat up in a police station after being drugged

blonde panther: uh,,,,  _ oh _

inari: That’s quite, as Futaba would say, “edgy”, Joker.

depression coma: iNARI OH MY GOD

motorcycle lesbian: Well, I can’t deny this. By the way, I have an actual motorcycle now!

Beauty Thief: hey mako

motorcycle lesbian: Yes, Haru?

Beauty Thief: take me on dates on that motorcycle

motorcycle lesbian: A-Are you asking me out, Haru?

Beauty Thief: yes, but if you don’t want to that’s fine!!! i’m happy being friends!!

motorcycle lesbian: Haru, I would be happy to date you.

Beauty Thief: !!!! (/////)

depression coma: hang on lemme rename the chat

**depression coma renamed “phantom squad” to “anxiety gays”**

theJoker: Accurate

jack skellington: that’s a mood

theJoker: Wait what

jack skellington: oh right i never told yall

jack skellington: i’m fuckin bi apparently

-

**You have (1) message from theJoker**

theJoker: ANN

theJoker: ANN DID YOU READ THAT

theJoker: ANN I HAVE A CHA N C. E

blonde panther: omg joker im so happy for u!! need me to wingman???

theJoker: You know it

blonde panther: oooh, but how will Mishima take this????

theJoker: we’re over each other, and we’re just bros now, its all cool

blonde panther: that was a pretty nasty break up u sure

theJoker: YES, ANN. NOW WINGWOMAN IT UP.

blonde panther: yessir

-

blonde panther:  _ @jack skellington _

blonde panther: im tired of your pining ask akira out

jack skellington: aoijJODEODEHDO DONT SAY IT IN THE MAI N CHAT HES IN HERE

blonde panther: ;^)

jack skellington: i hate you ann

inari: I have to agree, Ryuji. Your pining is… Frankly, sickening. I can’t even paint if I think about it.

depression coma: art ho is right i cant hack if i think about that disgusting shit

motorcycle lesbian: Agreed.

Beauty Thief: agreed! that’s sickening, honestly!

theJoker: What’s happening

jack skellington: akosaedsikKIOIJWEDUIIO NOT HIIN. G

jack skellington: DONT SCROLL UP

blonde panther: scroll up akira, scroll up

depression coma: what blondie said

theJoker: ,,,,, Oh

jack skellington: b YE.

**jack skellington left “anxiety gays”**

theJoker: Ok hes gone now and WHAT

blonde panther: ask him out you fool

theJoker: I????? cant????? Im like miles away from tokyo ann????

Beauty Thief: i’ll pay for your bus ticket!

theJoker: sick im omw ill text you what ticket i need i cannot thank you enough haru ily but im kinda gay and youre really gay so in a platonic way

Beauty Thief: Agreed! ♡ 

depression coma: lets wait to add back ryuji so he doesnt know

blonde panther: YES

motorcycle lesbian: Let’s do it. Akira, as soon as you arrive, head to Ryuji’s apartment. I’ll meet you there, under the guise of studying. We’ll set it up so it’s on his birthday.

theJoker: Hell yeah lets do this


	2. THIS GUY HAS A STRONG KICK WTF

Akira waited outside of Ryuji’s apartment, pacing nervously. Makoto should be here by now. Just then, Makoto drove up on her motorcycle, and ushered Akira inside.

“Akira, hurry! Get in that closet, Ryuji’ll be here any second now!” Akira was roughly shoved into a closet, and closed the door as he heard Ryuji walk in.

“Ugh, Class Prez, d’we have to study? I’m getting older, I should be celebrating, not studyin’!” Akira could almost  _ hear  _ Makoto’s smirk. Akira was doing his best not to laugh.

“Well, actually, Ryuji, I want to hear how you feel about Akira. Then we can study, so you can get a jump start next year. I may be heading to college, but I’m keeping an eye on you.” Akira could tell that Ryuji was going tomato red, and struggled to stifle a giggle. Ryuji sighed.

“Fine. I guess I like him? Like, he’s  _ really  _ hot. Not to mention the way he talks. Damn, that voice gives me shivers. When you make him laugh, it kinda feels like you made the world stop spinnin’. He’s just… Way too good for me, y’know?” Akira could hear shuffling, and could tell that Makoto put her hand on Ryuji’s shoulder.

“I don’t think he’s too good for you. If you really want to know, maybe ask him yourself.” That was Akira’s cue. He stumbled out of the closet, and grinned sheepishly. He saw Ryuji slowly become very,  _ very  _ red. He knew that Akira heard everything. Akira knew that he knew that Akira heard everything. Makoto was smirking because she knew that Akira knew that Ryuji knew that Akira heard everything. She walked outside, grinning.

“I’ll let you two spend some time alone.” She sauntered away, and Akira could swear that he saw her wink. He turned to Ryuji.

“So…”

-

**theJoker added jack skellington to “anxiety gays”**

theJoker: I have a boyfriend

jack skellington: i too, have a boyfriend

blonde panther: yo,,, akira,,,, mishima’s been trying to call you for like hours,,,

theJoker: Sorry was making out with ryuji

blonde panther: spare me the details. anyways maybe call him???

theJoker: I’ll text him dont worry

-

**You have (1) message from Yuuki Mishima**

Yuuki Mishima: Hey, can we talk?

theJoker: Hey yuuki, whats up

Yuuki Mishima: Uh… 

theJoker: You can say it, i wont be mad no matter what it is

Yuuki Mishima: Fine, I’ll say it.

Yuuki Mishima: I kind of want to get back together a lot and I know that our breakup was really rough and that frankly, I was a jerk, but I want to start over.

theJoker: Oh… This is awkward

Yuuki Mishima: Why?

theJoker: I, uh, maybe am dating ryuji now

Yuuki Mishima: Oh. I see. Well, thank you for hearing me out, then, Kurusu.

theJoker: Yuuki, what’s with you using my last name???

Yuuki Mishima: Call me Mishima. Rather, don’t call me anything at all.

**Yuuki Mishima has blocked you**

-

**theJoker sent wtfyuuki.jpg**

depression coma: holy shit

inari: That’s very unlike Mishima. Perhaps someone should check on him?

depression coma: i guess i will since i know him pretty well

theJoker: Thanks futaba

motorcycle lesbian: Thank you, Futaba.

-

**You have (1) message from depression coma**

depression coma: hey yuuki, wanna talk?

Yuuki Mishima: I guess…

depression coma: i heard about what happened with akira

depression coma: that really sucks, man

Yuuki Mishima: Thanks, Futaba. I don’t really want to talk about it right now.

depression coma: i get that, just know that i’m here for you

Yuuki Mishima: Thanks. God, if only Shiho could help me out here…

-

depression coma: ann can u get shiho to text yuuki he’ll only talk to her about it

blonde panther: yeah i can do that i guess they are bffs after the incident with K Who Shall Not Be Named

-

**You have (1) message from Shiho**

Shiho: Hey Ki! Ann’s really worried, what’s wrong?

Yuuki Mishima: Ugh, did she tell you?

Shiho: Maybe. Hey, want to go down to the batting cages so we can talk about it?

Yuuki Mishima: I guess I do need to hit something with a bat… Meet you there in 10?

Shiho: Of course! See you soon!

-

blonde panther: here’s what Shiho says that Mishima said: “I- I don’t know, Shi. Yeah, the breakup was rough, and I guess I was a huge jerk while I was dating him, but I didn’t think he’d move on, y’know? I know I didn’t, haha… Plus, Ryuji of all people? Don’t get me wrong, the guy is cool, but I didn’t think he’d be A- Kurusu’s type. I guess I’m just jealous, because Ryuji gets the chance I don’t, you get it?”

theJoker: Ah, that makes sense

jack skellington: yeah, mishima was kind of a jackass when you dated him tbh

theJoker: Ryu, be nice

theJoker: Anyways, i suggest that we find him so i can go talk to him in person

theJoker: That way he cant avoid me

jack skellington: i’ll go with!!!

theJoker: No, i have to go alone

theJoker: It might seem like you’re rubbing it in his face if you go

jack skellington: fair you just be safe ok

theJoker: Ok ryu

-

theJoker: Mayday, mayday, Akira down

Beauty Thief: what happened????

theJoker: He saw me and didnt know what to do so he kicked me in the nuts and god does he have a strong kick im proud but im also in  _ immense pain bc i still havent fully healed from the interrogation _

jack skellington: what.

theJoker: Ryu no

jack skellington: :) i’ll go talk to him, yeah???  _ :) _

inari: I’ll go with to make sure that Ryuji doesn’t injure Mishima.

-

**Yuuki Mishima unblocked you!**


	3. akechi gets Discussed

**inari added Yuuki Mishima to “anxiety gays”**

Yuuki Mishima: Kurusu, I am so sorry. I swear, I was aiming for your shin. I never meant to hurt you. As for the others, I’m very sorry, and please don’t try to whack me in the head with a lead pipe like Sakamoto did.

theJoker: Youre forgiven mishima

Yuuki Mishima: If you want… You can call me Yuuki again.

jack skellington: im watchin you mishima

Yuuki Mishima: I meant in a friendly way, stop freaking out, Sakamato.

theJoker: It’s cool yuuki, he’s always like this

blonde panther: im gonna add shiho

Yuuki Mishima: !!!! :D

**blonde panther added Shiho to “anxiety gays”**

Shiho: Ki???

Yuuki Mishima: Shi?

Shiho: Ki!!!! :DDDDD

Yuuki Mishima: Shi!!!!!

depression coma: hang on

**depression coma changed Yuuki Mishima’s nickname to ୧(•ヮ•)୨**

**depression coma changed Shiho’s nickname to shi a ho**

shi a ho: pFFFFFF SAKURA-CHAN OH MY GOD

୧(•ヮ•)୨: Why, Futaba?

depression coma: lol why not

shi a ho: you missed platonic after vent cuddles, ki!!! >:((((((

୧(•ヮ•)୨: omg i did, i’m on my way immediately im cashing in on those cuddles

jack skellington: ann how does this not bother you

blonde panther: hunny that’s because *gasp* i trust shiho

jack skellington: uP THE SHUT FUCK

depression coma: *gasp*

depression coma:  _ @theJoker  _ RYUJI SAID FUCK

theJoker: RYUJI SAKAMOTO EXPLAIN YOURSELF

blonde panther: D: let the man say fuck!!

shi a ho: #LetRyujiSayFuck20XX

blonde panther: #LetRyujiSayFuck20XX

jack skellington: #LetRyujiSayFuck20XX

Beauty Thief: #LetRyujiSayFuck20XX

motorcycle lesbian: RYUJI SAKAMOTO.

Beauty Thief: but mako, #LetRyujiSayFuck20XX   
motorcycle lesbian: … #LetRyujiSayFuck20XX

theJoker: makoto you traitor

theJoker: i can only trust yuuki now

୧(•ヮ•)୨: #LetRyujiSayFuck20XX

theJoker: YUUKI MISHIMA

Beauty Thief: hey, I know we hate him, but since he survived and has been going to therapy and is okay now…

Beauty Thief: can we add akechi?

motorcycle lesbian: I’m one for second chances, but fuck no.

jack skellington: N O .

depression coma: only if i can hack him and prank him weekly

blonde panther: absolutely lets add him

shi a ho: ok, if ann trusts him i do too.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: no. no no no no no. hE NEARLY SHOT AKIRA, REMEMBER THAT????

theJoker: if i may, i’m cool with it

Beauty Thief: the leader has spoken, we’re adding him!!!!!

**Beauty Thief added traumatized mullet to “anxiety gays”**


	4. haru kills akechi

Beauty Thief: what do we say, goro?

traumatized mullet: i’m sorry akira.

Beauty Thief: why are you sorry, goro?

traumatized mullet: i nearly shot you and tried to kill you on multiple occasions, and that was wrong of me.

jack skellington: well this is a change

blonde panther: i mean last time we saw akechi he made himself go fucking savage so yeah, this is a change

Beauty Thief: that would be because of me! after the,,,  **Incident** ,,, i brought goro to my house and hired a therapist for him!!! he’s just overcome everything recently, but some may still linger!!! i apologize for not telling you, but it was meant to be a surprise for ryuji’s birthday!

motorcycle lesbian: Haru, you angel, I love you.

Beauty Thief: !!!! (⺣◡⺣)♡*

traumatized mullet: hey, kurusu?

theJoker: yeah, what’s up akechi??

traumatized mullet: just so you know, that was a dirty fucking trick you played in the interrogation room.

Beauty Thief: goro! what did we say? repeat it for me.

traumatized mullet: don’t talk about the interrogation room, because akira is genuinely traumatized from that and it may trigger flashbacks to what happened.

Beauty Thief: good.

Beauty Thief: as for all of you,  **no mentioning** **_that_ ** **palace.**

theJoker: yes ma’am

motorcycle lesbian: Yes, Haru.

traumatized mullet: she can be scary when she wants to. She almost reminds me of her father.

motorcycle lesbian: Uh oh.

Beauty Thief: Goro Akechi. Never mention that man around me. He nearly sold me off to a man I don’t love.

traumatized mullet: fuck i fucked up im sorry miss okumura im so sorry fuck fuck fuck please dont kill me

Beauty Thief: it’s ok!!! This is the first time youve encountered this, so it’s ok!!!! just dont do it again, ok?

traumatized mullet: yes miss okumura

Beauty Thief: goro, you can call me haru!!!! seriously, i’ve forgiven you. i know it’s hard, living with someone who won’t hurt you if you mess up. i’m still learning to live with it, after all ^^;

motorcycle lesbian: Haru… Did your father abuse you? :)

Beauty Thief: *whispers* fuck

theJoker: What. :)

blonde panther: Excuse me. :)

୧(•ヮ•)୨: :)

depression coma: could you repeat that? :)

jack skellington: excuse the fuck me

theJoker: RYUJI


	5. intelligence stat maxed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg you guys thanks for any kudos and comments!!! i really really appreciate all of you!!!! <3

traumatized mullet: Somebody please help me, Haru won't stop gushing about Niijima-San.

Beauty Thief: omg, she said you can call her makoto!!!

traumatized mullet: That, Haru, was before I tried to kill Kurusu.

jack skellington: speaking of which ive got my eye on you you inspector gadget-ass detective-ass bitch

theJoker: Ryuji, weve forgiven him

jack skellington: but have we really

depression coma: yes we have ryuji

blonde panther: if haru trusts him i trust him!!!!

shi a ho: ugh did you guys hear??? D:

blonde panther: what my lovely beautiful gf who i love to the moon and back forever and ever and ever

shi a ho: yuuki had to go overseas for the summer with his family!!!! :((((((

shi a ho: also, ann, that's gay

theJoker: But she is gay

blonde panther: bi, actually

depression coma: ok _@everyone_ here's an experiment if you've had a crush on akira say aye 

blonde panther: aye

depression coma: aye

jack skellington: aye

inari: Aye.

traumatized mullet: Aye

Beauty Thief: ,,,,, aye,,,,,

theJoker: hwat the actual Fuck

theJoker: How did i not know this

depression coma: mona says "i'm surprised you didn't realize this, joker"

theJoker: Even with intelligence stat maxed...

Beauty Thief: what????

theJoker: n OTH . I nG AHHHSHHAHHAH

**theJoker left "anxiety gays"**

depression coma: well that was meta as fuck


	6. pancake man

jack skellington: hey denny's pancakes

traumatized mullet: What?

jack skellington: i M WHEEZIGN YOU ACTUALLY RESPONDED

jack skellington:  _@everyone_  LOOK AT THIS SHIT IM C RYI N. G

theJoker: This had better be good, it's two in the am ryuji

Inari: Ryuji...

motorcycle lesbian: Ryuji Sakamoto.

Beauty Thief: why is everyone up so early????

depression coma: fuck you ryuji i was sleeping for once

blonde panther: ryuji i am going to kill you with my bare fucking hands why did you wake me up

jack skellington: AKECHI RESPONDED TO ME CALLING HIM DENNY'S PANCAKES

theJoker: WHAT

jack skellington: I KNOW RIGHT

shi a ho: sakamoto please

୧(•ヮ•)୨: ryuji i will murder you in your sleep i have gotten 30 minutes of sleep and i am not going to be able to get back to sleep

୧(•ヮ•)୨: I HAVE WORK TOMORROW RYUJI

jack skellington: i thought u were out of the country???

୧(•ヮ•)୨: we're at my aunt's bakery and since it's a family buisiness i have to help out :(

shi a ho: aww, that sucks!!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: sure does shi lemme tell u

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i burned my hands on bread five times yesterday

theJoker: Did you mean yeasterday

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i'm so glad we broke up

blonde panther: now if we don't have any more interruptions, im going back to bed

motorcycle lesbian: Ryuji, Akechi, you should as well.

jack skellington: yes ma'am

traumatized mullet: No

traumatized mullet: Who's knocking on my door

Beauty Thief: it's your uber driver!!! am outside :)

traumatized mullet g OODNIGHT


	7. soup boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact for a few weeks this chapter has been sitting in the doc for this fic but here it finally is  
> s o u p b o y
> 
> edit: guess who has a tumblr now assholes if you wanna yell ideas at me or something you can find me being depressed at https://raw-sausig.tumblr.com/ go wild you guys

Beauty Thief: good morning!!! I trust everyone slept well???

inari: I did not. I appear to be ill. However, I have an event that I cannot miss. Any suggestions on what to do? Also, Haru, why do you wake up at one in the morning?

traumatized mullet: If your symptoms are cold-like, then simply take some cold medicine. If it’s a stomachache, saltine crackers and water. For a headache, water and painkillers. If you’ve thrown up and still feel nauseous,  _ don’t eat anything.  _ Drink a bit of water, brush your teeth, use mouthwash, and pray. Also, she wakes up at one to tend to her plants, do her daily yoga, then shower, get dressed, do her hair, eat breakfast, brush her teeth, do more yoga, check on her plants again, check the schedule for the day, and then do her makeup.

Inari: Thank you, Akechi. Do you have any advice for the flu, perhaps?

traumatized mullet: I’ll dm it to you

inari: Thank you, Akechi.

motorcycle lesbian: I heard irresponsible decisions, Yusuke please don’t.

motorcycle lesbian: Also, how do you know all of this, Akechi?

traumatized mullet: did your sister not tell you about the tomato soup incident from my first month of detective work?

motorcycle lesbian: Wait wait wait. You’re telling me that  _ you, _ the famous Goro Akechi, were “the chump new kid who came in with the flu”?

traumatized mullet: yes, that was me.

motorcycle lesbian: Oh. My. God. This is the best day of my life. I think I’m crying from laughing so hard.

Beauty Thief: even my father heard about that!!! you’re that kid, goro????

traumatized mullet: yes, that’s me.

jack skellington: wHAT THE EFF IS THE TOMATO SOUP INCIDENT

motorcycle lesbian: So, Akechi came into work in his second week, and he had the flu. For lunch, he had tomato soup, since he thought it might help. Halfway through lunch, he let out a monster sneeze, and while he didn’t sneeze into the soup, his head hit the bowl, toppling it over and getting tomato soup all over him, and shattering the bowl. He proceeded to look at the shards, mumble “Oh fuck,” in the voice of someone on every drug known to man, and then throw up on the floor, hitting his head on the table and knocking him out.

jack skellington: FOR REAL

motorcycle lesbian: I know. It was the first time I had seen my sister laughing in weeks.

theJoker: hDHKDKSDWOHIE

theJoker: WHAT

theJoker: NO JOKE, IN THE CAR AFTER THE INTERROGATION INCIDENT, SAE TOLD ME THAT STORY

traumatized mullet: yes, i know. niijima-san told everyone that story.

depression coma: KSKSKDKSKAJJSKSK

depression coma: WHAT THE FUCKDKS IM YELLSKSMD

depression coma: SCREENSHOTTED, FAVORITED, IM FUCKING YODELING

inari: Nice, Akechi. Nice.

traumatized mullet: fuck you kitagawa

inari: No thanks, Akechi.

theJoker: gljhfvjhlgv fucking roasted

blonde panther: oMG AKECHI W H Y

traumatized mullet: i’m going to sleep, haru, tell me when theyre done

Beauty Thief: done and done, soup boy!

traumatized mullet:  **_n o_ **

**depression coma changed traumatized mullet’s nickname to “soup boy”!**

soup boy: CHANGE IT BACK

depression coma: no

theJoker: It’s 2 am you guys we need to go to bed

jack skellington: morgana?

theJoker: Morgana

jack skellington: ok :((((((((((


	8. finally, some genuine apologies

soup boy: *pulls up to mcnaldos drive thru* uhhhh can i get a fuckin  _ death _

theJoker: Mood

soup boy: oh hey kurusu

theJoker: Hey akechi

soup boy: … do you ever feel guilty for things you don’t know if you did? i mean, yesterday i wanted to apologize for killing you for real, but i know i didnt

theJoker: Ho l y shit you too??

soup boy: i wonder what it means…

theJoker: Must be a Wild Card thing

soup boy: what do you mean?

theJoker: The other day i could have sworn i was dating all of the girls and it took a few minutes to remember that i wasnt

soup boy: ouch

theJoker: Yeah,,,

soup boy: it actually started to happen around when i met you…

theJoker: Yeah, i feel like i remember that i had like,,,, gotten rid of arsene for good once???

soup boy: but he was your main persona!

theJoker:  _ Exactly _

soup boy: i’m glad someone else understands

theJoker: Me too. after all, morgana was starting to think i was crazy, and i cant talk to either igor or lavenza anymore

soup boy: “either igor”? isnt there only one?

theJoker: Did the one you met have a deep voice, like, really deep

soup boy: yeah…?

theJoker: Oh, that was yadowhatever, he was a god or something??? seemed op so we fuckin nerfed him

soup boy: w h a t

theJoker: Yeah, i think u were in a coma or something??? you missed a lot man

soup boy: you fought a G O D?

theJoker: Lol yeah no biggie shithead was honestly worse

soup boy: who?

theJoker: Shido

soup boy: …. H o l y s h i t

soup boy: iM WH E E ZIGN

soup boy: but seriously how did that fight with my dad go

theJoker: He was a super buff dude but with the same head size

soup boy: youre kidding right

theJoker: Nope

theJoker: He was shirtless too

soup boy: H O L Y S H I T

theJoker: Also,,,, sorry to bring down the mood but we should talk about what happened

soup boy: don’t worry, i feel like we should too. Seriously, whenever we talk in real life, you could cut the tension with a knife

soup boy: yeah… plus haru is wonderful but those apologies she made us do were really forced sorry haru if you see this

theJoker: Ok, so let’s do them again, genuine this time

soup boy: okay, i’ll go first

soup boy: kurusu, i’m sorry for betraying you and the team. I’m sorry for trying to kill you, and i’m especially sorry for blackmailing you.

theJoker: I’ll go now,,,, thank you, akechi

theJoker: Akechi, i’m sorry for not saving you sooner. I’m sorry for pulling that trick in the interrogation room, knowing full well youd be punished. ,,,, and im sorry for calling you a number of horrible things behind closed doors

soup boy: thank you, kurusu. really, it means a lot to me.

theJoker: Night, akechi. You can call me akira

soup boy: goodnight… akira. Call me goro.


	9. the accidental drunk escapades of 20XX

Beauty Thief: well fucking finally!

jack skellington: haru holy shit you swear when did this start????

soup boy: haru swears more than necessary. the last time she dropped a mug, i had to look up some of the words she used.

jack skellington:  _ h a r u _

motorcycle lesbian: Haru also swears when I go too fast on my motorcycle.

Beauty Thief: makooooooooo :((((((((

theJoker: Me @ sojiro  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsuY9lHxg88 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsuY9lHxg88)

depression coma: same

theJoker: Taba he literally  _ is  _ your dad

depression coma: do we want to get technical here  _ ren amamiya _

theJoker: WAIT FUCK NO

jack skellington: okay bro, who the  _ hell  _ is ren mamamiya or whatever and why did futaba bring them up

theJoker: N o r e a s o n

depression coma: joker i swear to god i will release your “cute pics of ryuji” that only consists of pictures of ryuji laughing or sneezing folder to the world

theJoker: FINE

theJoker: Uh,,,, so technically ren amamiya is my real name  _ but  _ before coming to tokyo my “parents” made me change my name so i couldnt be traced back to them and i like my new name better now?????

jack skellington: what the hell did i just read

Beauty Thief: called it!~

motorcycle lesbian: I knew before Futaba did.

inari: I’ve known since I joined the Phantom Thieves.

soup boy: i knew too

theJoker: Ok first of all why do you all know

Beauty Thief: oh come on it was kind of obvious, wasn’t it??

motorcycle lesbian: Sis told me.

inari: I found that we had accidentally swapped phones after a meetup and stumbled across it.

soup boy: i was a goddamn detective that was literally my job

depression coma: hacking!!

theJoker: I already know about you taba

୧(•ヮ•)୨: called it!

shi a ho: ann told me lol

theJoker:  _ How the hell did ann know _

theJoker:  _ @Blonde Panther  _ What the fuck ann how did you know

blonde panther: remember the Accidental Drunk Escapades Of 20XX?

theJoker: Oh,,,, yeah that makes sense

motorcycle lesbian: The accidental  _ what  _ escapades of 20XX?

blonde panther: listen how were we supposed to know that those water-type bottles were actually full of vodka???

depression coma: oooooooh you found sojiro’s secret stash

theJoker: Yeah, after that we cried in my room and confessed a bunch of embarrassing shit to each other

theJoker: speaking of which  _ @shi a ho  _ ann accidentally stole one of your plushies in elementary school and then kept it for 5 years because it smelled like you and she was a hopeless bisexual

blonde panther: AKIRA WHAT THE FUCK MAN

shi a ho: ooooooh, that’s where mr snufflekins went!!!!!

shi a ho: don’t worry i did the same thing with one of ann’s t-shirts a few years back

blonde panther: the english disney one???

shi a ho: yeah lol

theJoker: Aaaaanyways i have to go mckfuckin die in a hole

jack skellington: room for two ;3

theJoker: aiaihfidufrofuhorf


	10. futaba has an Angst and no they aint dating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! just a quick note that i have started an original story!!! if you like fantasy lesbians, this may be for you  
> here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15690114/chapters/36457932  
> -  
> EDIT: mkay so im a dumbass and didnt realize that half of the damn chapter didnt post, sorry

depression coma: Hey guys

motorcycle lesbian: Futaba? What’s wrong? You never use capitalization.

depression coma: Text to speech I’m stuck behind LeBlanc help me

motorcycle lesbian: Futaba, I’ll be right there.

inari: No need. I am on my way right now, Futaba. Remember our breathing exercise.

depression coma: Ok

-

Futaba knew her and Inari had something in common. That’s probably why she tried to shove him away at first. If she didn’t accept it, it wasn’t real. She never had a friend like her before. That’s why, when she heard someone sprinting her way, she thought it was _them_ again, that he’d abandoned her. The kids had left her long ago, tape on her wrists and glasses on the ground.

“Futaba? Futaba, I’m here. Breathe with me. Four, seven, eight. Four seven eight. Would you like your glasses back?” Futaba nodded, and stupid Inari put the glasses back on her face. That’s when she saw him. Soaked by rainwater, hair impossibly messy, fear in his eyes. She knew that look. She saw it on Akira every time there was a close call in the Metaverse. _What if I was too late?_ She saw Yusuke pull out a pocket knife, and cowered. He set it down, and put his hand on Futaba’s head. How did he know that it calmed her down?

“Futaba, I need to set you free from the tape. I need you to stay still.” As stupid Inari set her free, she fell into him, sobbing. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, before stupid dumb Inari took a good look at her.

“Futaba, what happened? I need to know to help you more.” She wiped away her tears, and told the entire story. How she had started stimming for some reason, she couldn’t remember now, and some idiot drunkards had taped her hands together and kicked her around. How she was lucky that she could get her phone to send the messages. He was horrified. Of course stupid idiot dumb Inari was horrified. It was awful to have a friend like you to go through that… They got each other. They’d never date each other, no matter what the others said, though. Best friends, that’s what they’d decided on.

-

theJoker: Holy shit futaba are you okay is everything okay where are you i’m on my way

depression coma: kira chill i’m okay

theJoker: Thank _FUCK_ did yusuke come get you

depression coma: yeah he brought me back home

inari: hey rat oreos or ramen

depression coma: inari this isnt a dm

depression coma: also you know full well that this is a four entire family packs of oreos situation inari

inari: fUCK also golden or regular

depression coma: **_b o t h_ **

jack skellington: Hey Yusuke What The Fuck?

inari: I apologize. When I speak with Futaba, I tend to adopt her manner of speech.

theJoker: I’ve actually never heard yusuke swear before

depression coma: once he said “fucking shitty assweasel” in reference to m*darame

Beauty Thief: yusuke, you didn’t tell me? we could have bonded! D:

inari: I apologize again. Now, Futaba and I are going to binge one of her shows while eating enough Oreos to make ourselves ill for two weeks.

theJoker: Want me to come over too

depression coma: nah this is a bffs night, no brothers allowed

jack skellington: what about me????

depression coma: no brother in-laws either, this is an inari and me night

Beauty Thief: have fun yusuke, futaba!!!

inari: We will, thank you Haru.


	11. rip stefán karl stefánsson (for real yall)

**blonde panther changed soup boy’s nickname to “PancakePrincess”!**

PancakePrincess: takamaki let it be known that i fucking hate you

blonde panther: love u too akechi <3

theJoker: Get rekt goro

PancakePrincess: 凸(⊙▂⊙ )

theJoker: Muah <3

PancakePrincess: gun

theJoker: f UCK IM WHEEZING YOU COULDNT FIND THE GUN EMOJI

PancakePrincess: AM I SUPPOSED TO USE THE WATER GUN EMOTE YOU FUCKING TROGLODYTE I’M ON APPLE

theJoker: FUCK YOU SAMSUNG FOR LIFE

PancakePrincess: OK EXPLODEY-PHONE

depression coma: yall dont build your own phones from random sketchy parts that u buy on ebay???

theJoker: Tabby we arent all geniuses like you

depression coma: aww thanks ren <3

theJoker: No

depression coma: fiiiiinnnneee :(

jack skellington: “gun”- goro akechi 20XX

  
PancakePrincess: shut your up fuck sakamoto

jack skellington: you can call me ryuji yknow

PancakePrincess: but,,,, you hate me???? does not compute????

jack skellington: nah i was just givin you a hard time to see if i could trust you

jack skellington: i get that abusive dad vibe i feel you man

depression coma: YUO GUYS,,,,,

depression coma: FUCKGIN

theJoker: Taba, what happened???

depression coma: STEFÁN KARL STEFÁNSSON IS FUCKIGN DEAD

blonde panther: WHAT

blonde panther: NO FUCKING WAY

jack skellington: who the eff

depression coma: ROBBIE ROTTEN IDIOT

jack skellington: OH MY GOD NO

theJoker: N O

PancakePrincess: whA T NO NO NO W A Y

୧(•ヮ•)୨: my cousin was crying for two hours earlier,,,, i think this may be why

blonde panther: thAT SHOW WAS MY CHILDHOOD IM ACTuALLY CRYING

theJoker: Meetup at leblanc to Mourn

depression coma: already here

depression coma: sojiro closed it early in his honor

blonde panther: holy shit omw


	12. fu T A B A N O

depression coma: aaayayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy whats UP my dudes

theJoker: Futaba what did you do

depression coma: u were eright, thisoe do look like water bottles

theJoker: FUTABA NO

theJoker:  _ @blonde panther  _ ANN

blonde panther: omw

theJoker:  _ @inari  _ Yusuke can u head to leblanc please??? Taba accidentally got uber drunk

inari: Why me?

theJoker: Because you won’t mind if/when futaba throws up on you

theJoker: Also sojiro doesn’t know im back yet lol

motorcycle lesbian: He  _ what _ ?!

motorcycle lesbian: You’ve been back for almost a month now! Aren’t you staying in Leblanc?

theJoker: Yeah but he put haru in charge for a few months while he took some time at home

theJoker: ,,,, She threw up,,,,, yusuke could you??? yknow??? Take her upstairs

inari: On it.

inari: Joker, she just started crying again. What do I do?

theJoker: Ok do you know that english nursery rhyme,,,, something something london bridge>????   
inari: Yes, I do.

theJoker: Just start singing it and she’ll calm down

theJoker: She’s done this before

theJoker: Either that or shout “it’s high noon” in your absolute best american accent

inari: She seems to be calming down.

theJoker: Good also please do that more often it’s fuckign hilarious

theJoker: Ann i need you to go put those bottles in the trash and put the full ones way high up

blonde panther: why can’t yusuke??? he’s the tall one

theJoker: Futaba will start crying again if he leaves, shes a bit clingy right now

inari: She has my arm. She’s hugging it very tightly, I think I just lost circulation.

theJoker: Everything is officially under control now

inari: No it isn’t. She’s still gripping my arm.

theJoker: EVERYTHING. IS. UNDER. FUCKING. CONTROL.

motorcycle lesbian: I’M GOING TO BED.

motorcycle lesbian: THIS CHAT IS CHAOS AND I HATE IT.

jack skellington: yo makoto,,,,, in sae’s palace,,,, sae was REALLY hot,,,,,

motorcycle lesbian: WHAT THE FUCK, RYUJI?

motorcycle lesbian: DEMON CHILDREN, ALL OF YOU.

motorcycle lesbian: DEMON. CHILDREN.

Beauty Thief: >:3c

**Beauty Thief added Niijima_Sae to “anxiety gays”!**

inari: Joker, Futaba threw up again and is throwing things around the room.

theJoker: EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL

blonde panther: joker where’s the broom i dropped one of the empty bottles

theJoker: EVERYTHING IS F I N E

blonde panther: I JUST STEPPED ON A SH A  R D

theJoker: EVERYTHING IS A-OKAY

jack skellington: makoto dont you agree tho??

motorcycle lesbian: THAT IS MY SISTER YOU DEMON CHILD.

PancakePrincess: haru come help my hand is stuck in a flower pot

PancakePrincess: my circulation cut off 30 seconds ago

theJoker: WE ARE ALL FINE

inari: Akira, she vomited on my head.

theJoker: EVERYTHING IS OKAY!!!!!!

inari: Boss is here.

theJoker: EVERYTHING IS  _ NOT  _ OKAY!!!!

motorcycle lesbian: SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN PUT IN THIS HELL-CHAT.

jack skellington: I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY

Niijima_Sae: Haru, why?

motorcycle lesbian: Oooohhhh… Hi, Sis!

PancakePrincess: haru why

Beauty Thief: for the meme!!!!!

jack skellington: hi!!! doN T READ UP DONT READ UP

inari: Hello, Ma’am.

theJoker: Hey sae

Niijima_Sae: … Demon children. Demon children is all I see here.

Beauty Thief: D:

Niijima_Sae: Not you, Haru. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here.

Beauty Thief: :D

Niijima_Sae: Goodbye, you absolute weirdos and Haru also. Here’s some breaking news from America.

Niijima_Sae:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfr64zoBTAQ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfr64zoBTAQ)

**Niijima_Sae left “anxiety gays”!**

theJoker: ,,,, Makoto your sister is awesome and i love her


	13. college whomst?

jack skellington: uUgHHgHhgHGh i dont wANNA go tour the campus

motorcycle lesbian: Well, you’re going to. Haru and I agree that you need a firm grasp on the area. She can’t always help you around, you know.

jack skellington: b UT MAKOTOOOOOOOOO

inari: I am going as well, as are Akira and Ann. I also hear that Akechi is going to the same college as us, and will also be in the same year, as he is coming too. Futaba is joining us as to get a feel for their computer classes.

depression coma: yell heah i am!!!!

blonde panther: shiho and mishima are joining us too!!!

PancakePrincess: yes, i will be joining you. haru would like to know if anyone has any snack requests

jack skellington: death

PancakePrincess: now ryuji, she can’t serve you your own face.

depression coma: djhHOIHDIOHFIUHUIF W H

depression coma: O W N E D

inari: As Futaba would say, “roasted”.

theJoker: IM LIVING FOR THIS RN

Beauty Thief: any actual requests????

theJoker: Some of those uhhhhh apple cranberry cookies??? U know the ones but the big ones

blonde panther: those godawful american cookies if im gonna be miserable there i may as well have some damn good cookies

jack skellington: a whole hawaiian pizza

୧(•ヮ•)୨: uh, two waffles please!

shi a ho: cherries. enough cherries to make me want to puke.

PancakePrincess: mini pancakes

motorcycle lesbian: If you could, I’d like a latte, extra caffeine.

Beauty Thief: how much extra???

motorcycle lesbian: Haru, we have to keep ahold of 8 children, one of which is just getting over agoraphobia, one of which doesn’t even want to go, one of which is extremely eccentric, one is overly flirty, one is a  _ fanboy,  _ one is prone to running away, one used to be a celebrity, and one is an angel child and I love her.

Beauty Thief: fair!!! then i’ll get you  _ extra _ extra caffeine!!!

shi a ho: awww!!! thanks makoto uwu

motorcycle lesbian: Alright everyone, let’s go.

-

motorcycle lesbian: RYUJI SAKAMOTO, WHERE THE  _ HELL  _ ARE YOU?!

motorcycle lesbian: I LOOK AWAY FOR FIVE. MINUTES.

theJoker: Hes fine!!!! Bleeding but fine lol

motorcycle lesbian: He  _ what _ ?!

blonde panther: lol yeah he ran face-first into a brick wall trying to show off

inari: Where is everyone?

motorcycle lesbian: Ok, Yusuke is alive, but then where’s Futaba?

depression coma: hiding in one of the dorms ;;

motorcycle lesbian: Wait, we only lost you 5 minutes ago! 

depression coma: long story, but can someone come rescue me the guy who lives in here just got back

Beauty Thief: ah!!! i’m nearby!!! i can come get you!!

depression coma: thank you :D

motorcycle lesbian: Okay, where’s everyone else?

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i’m talking with people who like the phantom thieves too!

shi a ho: i’m with ann!!

PancakePrincess: i got into a fistfight

motorcycle lesbian: YOU WHAT.

PancakePrincess: well, i  _ was  _ with haru, but then someone tried to make some advances on her

PancakePrincess: she told him she was taken, but he didn’t take very kindly to that and tried to drag her away, i’m assuming back to his dorm

PancakePrincess: so i may have kicked his ass

depression coma: hey i think that i’m in that guy’s dorm room!!

motorcycle lesbian: Haru, I’m coming with you to pick up Futaba and possibly commit some violence.

theJoker: Ryuji says he will too

blonde panther: let’s go kill a man!!!!!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: these guys are pretty cool, theyre coming to beat him up too

inari: Shall I throw him out of a window?

depression coma: we’re on the fifth floor, inari no!!

inari: Okay then. Can I at least suplex him into a dumpster?

depression coma: lol yeah sure

motorcycle lesbian: Okay, everyone meet back up at Futaba’s location to kick this guy’s ass!

theJoker: On our way


	14. swearing ban

**depression coma changed nickname to “chihiro fujisaki”!**

blonde panther: is that a danganronpa reference

chihiro fujisaki: ;3

chihiro fujisaki: aNYGAYS

chihiro fujisaki:  _ @motorcycle lesbian _

chihiro fujisaki: tell us an embarrassing story from your time in shujin

motorcycle lesbian: No.

chihiro fujisaki: please???? my new teacher seemed a bit freaked out by me today :(

motorcycle lesbian: … Fine. Haru?

Beauty Thief: oh oh oh!!! i know one!!! so when makoto first became student council president she tried to impose a swearing ban right???

chihiro fujisaki: yeah lol sounds like her

Beauty Thief: problem was, she then dropped an entire sandbag on her foot!!! so she just began screaming profanities!!

chihiro fujisaki: w HAT NO WAY

Beauty Thief: yes way!!!!

motorcycle lesbian: Sis seemed so mad…

chihiro fujisaki: idk why that’s fucking hilarious

motorcycle lesbian: >:(

chihiro fujisaki: w AIT WHAT

chihiro fujisaki:  _ @everyone  _ HOLY SHIT

chihiro fujisaki: MAKOTO USED AN EMOTE

theJoker: NO WAY

chihiro fujisaki: YES WAY!!!!

inari: … I am shocked, alarmed, terrified, who are you and what have you done to Makoto?

motorcycle lesbian: Oh, come on. Is it  _ that  _ out of character for me to use an emote?

chihiro fujisaki: YES!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: sojiro says i’m grounded and cant have my phone :(

chihiro fujisaki: gimme a few days tho ;3

motorcycle lesbian: NO.

chihiro fujisaki: fiiiiinnnneee


	15. sadayo kawakami in my chatfic? it’s more likely than you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise motherfuckers  
> this has been sitting in a google doc since i started this fic i was waiting to use it

theJoker: Wait futaba who’s your teacher

chihiro fujisaki: sadayo kawasomething, why

theJoker: Oh my  _ god _

theJoker:  _ @blonde panther @୧(•ヮ•)୨  _ FUTABA HAS OUR OLD TEACHER

blonde panther: whaaaat she has kawakami?????

୧(•ヮ•)୨: no way!!!! does she still get called down to the office all the time?

chihiro fujisaki: no???? she hasnt been called down once so far

blonde panther: weird,,,,

theJoker: Lol only reason she got called down at all was me

୧(•ヮ•)୨: WAIT. does that mean you…?

theJoker: Yes i did and frankly she needed the money

୧(•ヮ•)୨: woah!!! dude didnt we all agree to never do that again!!!!!

theJoker: Listen, she practically asked me to and im not lying

blonde panther: what the  _ hell  _ are you two talking about?

୧(•ヮ•)୨: NOTHING

theJoker: Nothing

theJoker: Hey i have an idea on a scale of 1-10 should i do it???

୧(•ヮ•)୨: 4 i guess????

blonde panther: 27

**theJoker added SadayoKawakami to “anxiety gays”!**

blonde panther: WAIT NO DONT ZERO ZERO ZERO FUCK GO BACK

SadayoKawakami: why did my former student invite me to this chat?

chihiro fujisaki: heeeeey teach

SadayoKawakami: … the sakura girl, i assume?

chihiro fujisaki: ya caught me

theJoker: So sadayo why does taba weird you out

୧(•ヮ•)୨: o H NONONO I GET TO ASK  _ MY  _ QUESTION FIRST

SadayoKawakami: akira, mishima. mishima can go first.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: ok, so, why the  _ hell  _ did akira keep requesting you????

SadayoKawakami: KURUSU WHY DOES HE KNOW???

theJoker: LISTEN IT SLIPPED OUT OKAY

jack skellington: what the eff is going on here

SadayoKawakami: … sakamoto.

jack skellington: kawakami?! akira, dude, buddy, what the hell

theJoker: Can i tell them all????

SadayoKawakami: fine… but none of them can tell anyone else!!!!

theJoker: Ok so basically sadayo used to be a hired maid and once upon a time ryuji yuuki and i found out because we were being idiots, and i just kept requesting her because the attic was a mess???? She needed the money so

theJoker: Ann, ryu, remember those two randos we took down in mementos back in the old days

blonde panther: oooooh makes sense!!!

jack skellington: lol yeah i getcha

SadayoKawakami: so, akira, still got your weird cat?

theJoker: Yep he says hi

SadayoKawakami: wait is he in town???

blonde panther: til further notice, yeah!!

SadayoKawakami: akira we should get the whole gang together! it’d be fuuuuuuuun

theJoker: YES ABSOLUTELY

theJoker: Is lala one of them

SadayoKawakami: if you want her to be

theJoker: HELL YEAH!!!!!!!

theJoker: These guys havent even met all of my tokyo friends!!! Yusuke knows togo and yuuki knows ichiko but thats about it!!!!!! Lets do it you guys!!!!!

blonde panther: h EY!!!!!!! i know takemi!!!!! and makoto knows lala!!!!

theJoker: Right right anygays we totally should!!!!!! Pleeeaaaassssseeeee  _ @motorcycle lesbian _

motorcycle lesbian: Ok… But nothing crazy should happen!

theJoker: We could meet at an arcade with lala!!! Lala can make sure everyone’s good there!

motorcycle lesbian: I trust Lala Escargot more than I trust all of you combined. Sounds good.

theJoker: That’s fair i trust lala with my life tbh

motorcycle lesbian: Let’s do it.

-

theJoker: That was a fucking nightmare

motorcycle lesbian: We’re never letting Futaba and Shinya in the same arcade again.

chihiro fujisaki: hifumi was pretty cool!!!

inari: Yoshida made some interesting points.

blonde panther: i’d protect that shinya kid with my fucking life

chihiro fujisaki: big mood tbh

jack skellington: takemi scares me,,,,

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i wish ohya didn’t recognize me,,,, a a a aaaaaa a  a a a

shi a ho: lala escargot is my hero

PancakePrincess: frankly i didnt want or expect takemi to recognize me and i’d like to die now

Beauty Thief: yoshida was very sweet!!! agreed about shinya

SadayoKawakami: goodbye akira. you all, just… try not to die.

**SadayoKawakami left “anxiety gays”!**

theJoker: Sadayo is pretty cool

chihiro fujisaki: can’t believe that she’s intimidated by my intelligence

inari: I can.

chihiro fujisaki: ?!?!?!?!

inari: Futaba, you have amazing skill in what you do. It takes amazing intelligence and determination to be that good at hacking and programming. It is an art all of its own, and you make masterpieces with it.

chihiro fujisaki: inAAARRRIIIIIII IM CRYING NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE

theJoker: That is by far the most wholesome thing ever sent in this chat

motorcycle lesbian: I didn’t expect that.

chihiro fujisaki: IM FRAMING THAT MESSAGE RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD

Beauty Thief: that’s surprisingly adorable!!!!

jack skellington: that was cute

blonde panther: you two ssssuuuuuuurrreeee you aren’t soulmates?

inari: Ann!

chihiro fujisaki: i got this one inari

inari: By all means, go ahead.

chihiro fujisaki: i would never be interested in inari. he’s too soft, too good, too fucking dumb, too pure, to even think about dating. he’s my best fucking friend, and if platonic soulmates are real, he sure as hell is mine. got it?

blonde panther: futaba oh my god

inari: Are these… Tears?

theJoker: Futaba holy shit i didnt know you had it in you

chihiro fujisaki: FUCK THE SHUT UP

motorcycle lesbian: You and Yusuke are the purest friends I’ve ever seen. That was adorable.

chihiro fujisaki: FUCK!!!! THE!!!! SHUT!!!!!! UP!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!

inari: Futaba! I just got free tickets to a movie, would you like to join me?

chihiro fujisaki: is it supposed to be bad?

inari: Absolutely awful.

chihiro fujisaki: i’m paying for popcorn!!!

theJoker: Awww that’s so cute

theJoker: IM SORRY FUTABA IM SORRY PLEASE STOP

chihiro fujisaki: you tease me, you get fucking rickrolled.

chihiro fujisaki: meet you at the station inari!!!


	16. akechi steals hot water pass it on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a lot shorter than usual mostly because i just got back from a road trip and Me Me Big Tired so  
> sorry

Beauty Thief: hello, everyone!!!

PancakePrincess: hARU!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU TO GO TO SLEEP!!! YOURE SICK

Beauty Thief: no!!! take me alive motherfucker!!!!

Beauty Thief: WAIT NO NOT THE TOMATOES

PancakePrincess: ILL DO IT I SWEAR TO GOD

Beauty Thief: pwease mistew gowo!!! iww do anything!!!

PancakePrincess: anything?

Beauty Thief: anything for you mistew gowo!!!!

PancakePrincess:  _ then perish _

Beauty Thief: O.O;;;

PancakePrincess: goodnight haru

theJoker: What the actual fuck did i just wake up to

PancakePrincess: haru spreading her NASTY SICK GERMS all over my pancakes!!!

Beauty Thief: I SAID I WAS SORRY GORO!!

PancakePrincess: SORRY DOESNT CUT IT HARU

Beauty Thief: aND SORRY DOESNT COVER USING ALL THE HOT WATER IN THE SHOWER BUT DO I LET IT GO????? Y E S !!!!

PancakePrincess: YOU ACT LIKE YOU DONT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THE WATER BILLS MISS CORPORATE ENTITY

chihiro fujisaki: i live for domestic haru and akechi tbh

jack skellington: big mood this is great

୧(•ヮ•)୨: anyone want popcorn??

chihiro fujisaki: h ELL YEAH!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: [you hear popcorn thwap against the receiver]

chihiro fujisaki: OH MY FUCKING GOD YUUKI

PancakePrincess: update, i may have convinced a maid to help me drug haru so she rests

୧(•ヮ•)୨: YOU WHAT

chihiro fujisaki: WHAT THE FUCK

jack skellington: D U D E

PancakePrincess: she threw up in downward dog. i think it was justified.

jack skellington: fair,,. but we’re coming over to help

୧(•ヮ•)୨: we are?

chihiro fujisaki: we are

PancakePrincess: sounds great


	17. some meta shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> if meta stuff triggers you, DON’T READ THIS CHAPTER. stay safe!!!!

theJoker: So uh i know it’s 4 am but,,,, i need to tell all of you something

theJoker: Goro knows what i’m talking about

theJoker: Feel free to backread later since you’re all asleep rn

theJoker: So,,,, basically, back when i first became a persona user, i met “igor” and he gave me my wild card powers

theJoker: He had two wardens, caroline and justine.

theJoker: But he turned out to be yadoblath. Yadoblath put the app on my phone, on all of our phones. He was why we could go to the metaverse

theJoker: The real igor is someone we only met at the end. Caroline and justine were actually lavenza, the real igor’s assistant.

theJoker: And… Sometimes i feel like i’m living the same timeline over and over

theJoker: I have dreams of us back in the palaces but we didn’t win

theJoker: That’s why i was always so cautious

theJoker: That’s all

-

jack skellington: oh. makes sense tbh

Beauty Thief: i did always wonder why you never seemed surprised when i joined the phantom thieves!!!

inari: I as well.

blonde panther: yeah, you kinda always knew what was going on?? like youd stop us from going around a certain corner just in time and then we’d get some vital info

motorcycle lesbian: You always did your best to be kind to me for some reason.

PancakePrincess: you always seemed really wary of me

jack skellington: y oooo remember when i almost died???all the girls were freaking out and you were totally chill, like you knew i was alive

chihiro fujisaki: meh makes sense tbh

chihiro fujisaki: you seemed to know who i was really easily????

theJoker: Oh

theJoker: Im glad you guys didnt freak out considering ive basically told you ive watched you die

chihiro fujisaki: w HAT REALLY!!!! god i wish i were in that reality

theJoker: No you dont the shadows would rip off all of our limbs slowly and painfully one phantom thief at a time if they caught us

theJoker: Although there was that dream where you all got shot

jack skellington: WE WHAT

PancakePrincess: uh… sorry? going to assume thats on me

theJoker: Actually it’s on shadow you so  _ technically _ no

PancakePrincess: oh sweet i’m only a murderer of the thieves in 6 realities!!!!

jack skellington: you  _ what _

theJoker: Goro and i talk about wild card stuff a lot and he knows about some of the dreams since he has them too??? We have a running count so far

theJoker: 15 times ripped apart by shadows, 20 times missed deadlines, 6 times killed by goro, 3 times killed by goro’s shadow, combined about 50 times killed by palace rulers, 100 times beaten by yadoblath, and 1 time that i really don’t want to talk about making at least 195 “realities” where we all die

blonde panther:  _ holy shit _

theJoker: 87 realities where shiho didnt make it

theJoker: 45 realities where yuuki got killed in a palace

theJoker: 200 realities where at least one of our friends died because of us

theJoker: ,,,, And 5000 realities where goro dies in that ship

theJoker: 20 realities where makoto is sold

theJoker: 20 realities where haru is married off

theJoker: 20 realities where ryuji yuuki and i get expelled

theJoker: 20 realities where yusuke is stuck under madarame forever

theJoker: 20 realities where morgana leaves for good

theJoker: 20 realities where ann continues to be abused

theJoker: 20 realities where futaba commits suicide

theJoker: 100 realities where i get shot for real

theJoker: And in every single one of all those realities

theJoker: We don’t win

theJoker: 3 realities where we succeed

theJoker: And we’re in one of those three right now

blonde panther: are you,,,, okay???

theJoker: Lol no but this is the successful reality so everything is gucci famalam

theJoker: That adds up to,,,, a shit ton of realities

theJoker: But this one is the best one

PancakePrincess: cant believe you listed all of them

theJoker: Didnt list the one where you shot yourself instead of me in that interrogation room

PancakePrincess: oh yeah that was a thing,,,, how many times

theJoker: Only 3

PancakePrincess: niiiiiccceeeeee

PancakePrincess: how many is that now

theJoker: A grand total of 5573 if we count this one i think

PancakePrincess: damn

PancakePrincess: last time we checked in combined we barely reached 3000

theJoker: Lol yeah ive slept a lot recently

PancakePrincess: makes sense, havent had many more of those dreams lately

jack skellington: holy effing shit that’s,,,, a lot

jack skellington: how many realities has akira date me

theJoker: 1

theJoker: I dont think it was possible until this one for some reason

jack skellington: lol almost like we’re in a video game or something

theJoker: Ryu thats pretty meta

jack skellington: tru tru

theJoker: Actually interestingly enough there’s 2 realities where i date all the girls at once

theJoker: Theyll be pleased to know that on valentine’s day they kicked my ass in those realities

blonde panther: serves u right lol ;3

theJoker: Shuddup ann those were only the first two realities and yall basically killed me

blonde panther: good for us!!!!!!!

theJoker: n OT GOOD FOR US I HAD JUST GOTTEN BACK FROM PRISON!!

blonde panther:  _ good for us!!!!!! _

theJoker: Goodnight

blonde panther: goodnight player

theJoker: ,,,, N o


	18. ryuji you fucking moron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a lot shorter than normal but i needed to Vent

jack skellington: uuuuUuGgHhH

jack skellington: isn’t it fun to be sick for three days gay

theJoker: Ryu you ok

jack skellington: n o

jack skellington: i think i caught what haru had but  _ worse _

theJoker: I think i can get someone who can help

PancakePrincess: and with that i shall leave right after i come online because i know who he’s talking about

**theJoker added TakemiMD to “anxiety gays”**

TakemiMD: This had better be an emergency, kid.

theJoker: Ryu, explain

jack skellington: so basically ive had like a 102 fever for three days

TakemiMD: What the actual fuck.

TakemiMD: Why didn’t you go see a doctor?

jack skellington: if i stand i fall down out of sheer dizziness lol

TakemiMD: Are you kidding me? Guinea pig, carry him to the clinic please. God, these kids are so stupid…

jack skellington: iM NOT STUPID

jack skellington: only reason i caught it was cause i was helping a friend!!!

TakemiMD: Strike one. The kid has told me that your immune system is worse than the Sakura girl. Did you wear any sort of protection from the germs?

jack skellington: n o ,,,,,

TakemiMD: Strike two. Did you eat any food off of the ill person’s plate or that the ill person made?

jack skellington: i plead the fifth

chihiro fujisaki: (psst he did)

jack skellington: f UTABA

TakemiMD: Strike three. You’re a moron. Drag him in, kid.

theJoker: On it, Tae.

jack skellington: nnnnoooooo

jack skellington: save me makoto

motorcycle lesbian: Get fucked.

jack skellington: nOOOOO


	19. ryuji misses his lead pipe :(

jack skellington: guess what gays

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh no

jack skellington: I HAVE PNEUMONIA!!!!!!!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: goddammit ryuji

jack skellington: it isnt  _ myyyyyyy _ fault!!!!!

TakemiMD: Yes it is. We covered this.

jack skellington: s HES STILL HERE???

TakemiMD: I’m staying to see the wild adventures of my guinea pig and his idiot friends.

jack skellington: well then

jack skellington:  _ @chihiro fujisaki _

jack skellington: WE GOT A NORMAL NICKNAME

chihiro fujisaki: oh that’s unacceptable

**chihiro fujisaki changed TakemiMD’s nickname to “big tiddy goth gf”!**

big tiddy goth gf: First of all, no.

chihiro fujisaki: ugh fine i had another idea anyways

**chihiro fujisaki changed big tiddy goth gf’s nickname to “Mourningperson✹”!**

Mourningperson✹: … I’ll allow it.

chihiro fujisaki: y ESSSSSS

theJoker: taba we’ve talked about this

chihiro fujisaki: i know, dont call the nice doctor big tiddy goth gf because she was our drug dealer

Mourningperson✹: So, these are the other Phantom Thieves?

chihiro fujisaki: g ODDAMMIT REN YOU’RE AS BAD AS RYUJI

Mourningperson✹: Why did you call him Ren?

chihiro fujisaki: it’s his Fuck-Up name, i call him that when he fucks up

theJoker: LISTEN I DIDNT EVEN TELL HER

theJoker: SHE JUST FOUND OUT ONE DAY

Mourningperson✹: I can vouch.

chihiro fujisaki: anyways, lol yeah this is the gang minus yuuki and shiho

theJoker: No yuuki is an honorary phantom thief and so is shiho because it wasnt fair that everyone else’s crushes/partners was at least an honorary thief bc that was when i was dating yuuki remember

chihiro fujisaki: oh yeah

chihiro fujisaki: we have akira, ryuji, ann, idiot inari, makoto, me, haru, and akechi!!!

chihiro fujisaki: those were the ones who werent basically pr

chihiro fujisaki: although im not sure where akechi stands bc he was a FILTHY TRAITOR

PancakePrincess: YOU KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING!!! HOW CAN I BETRAY YOU IF YOU KNEW?

chihiro fujisaki: FAIR BUT

theJoker: Children, calm down

Mourningperson✹: Is this seriously what you deal with every day Akira?

theJoker: Y e s

Mourningperson✹: … Suddenly I understand the giant bags under your eyes.

jack skellington: our leader, chronically tired bc of our bullshit

theJoker: Lol basically

theJoker: And everyone elses bullshit

theJoker: Tae had self-doubt out the ass, dont get me started on yoshida, shinya was a bit arrogant and had a lot of emotional stuff, hifumi was too nonconfrontational, ohya was/is an alchoholic, you guys already know about sadayo, and everyone was just generally fucked up

theJoker: Enter me, someone who can put up with venting

theJoker: And that was my life for a year

jack skellington: ohhhhh that’s why we went to mementos so much

theJoker: IT WAS MY OWN WAY OF VENTING plus you guys got super strong bc of it

jack skellington: tru

theJoker: Listen after a week of listening to everyones bullshit it was so satisfying to shoot a shadow right in the fucking head or even just stab it

chihiro fujisaki: once in a while i  _ did  _ pick up on some muttering from you!!

Mourningperson✹: Kid… Are you okay?

theJoker: Fuck no

theJoker: Ive seen so many fucking things why exactly would i be okay

Mourningperson✹: Fair…

theJoker: Killing shadows was great stress relief lemme tell u

jack skellington: AGREED

jack skellington: after exams n stuff we all would always pop into mementos to kick some ass

jack skellington: it was soooooo satisfying to whack a shadow with a lead pipe

jack skellington: i miss my pipe :(

theJoker: I get that i miss my dagger

theJoker: Frankly i think everyone misses their melee weapon

୧(•ヮ•)୨: shiho talks to me all the time about ann just moping over losing her whip

theJoker: I know makoto misses her knuckles and haru misses her axe

theJoker: Hey akechi do you miss your lightsaber

PrincessPancake: no not really actually

PrincessPancake: that weapon and i had an interesting history so 

theJoker: This gives me an idea

theJoker:  _ @Beauty Thief  _ Haru do you have anyone who can make replica weapons

Beauty Thief: as a matter of fact, i know a few people!!! why???

theJoker: I wanna get everyone replicas of their metaverse weapons because otherwise everyone will mope forever and also morgana keeps complaining that he misses his sword

Beauty Thief: that’s a wonderful idea!!!! however, we’d need art of exactly what we wanted,,,

theJoker: Yusuke sketched our weapons on multiple occasions we can totally do this

theJoker: Sound good????

Beauty Thief: yes!!!! i’ll call them right away!!!!

theJoker: Where’s shiho i want her to break the news to ann

shi a ho: you called??

theJoker: Backread the chat we want you to tell ann

shi a ho: OH MY GOD FINALLY

shi a ho: i’ll text her now!

blonde panther: WHAT

blonde panther: WHAT OH MY GOD

blonde panther: WHAT THE FUCK

blonde panther: YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST

blonde panther: IM GOING TO CRY I MISSED MY WHIP SO MUCH

blonde panther: IM ACTUALLY CRYIGN I

blonde panther: I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

jack skellington: wait does this mean i’m getting my pipe back

theJoker: Yes ryu

jack skellington: y E S S S S  S S S ! ! ! !

theJoker: For everyone at home, ryuji just started sobbing into his pillow very loudly

inari: I heard the news. I also sketched something for Futaba, so she wouldn’t feel left out.

inari: Haru, you should be getting the image files soon.

inari: I, for one, am ecstatic to have my katana back in my hands.

theJoker: Makoto is gonna be hype

Beauty Thief: i just told her, and she just started screaming, so yes, she’s excited!!!!!

theJoker: Finally can have my dagger again,,,, i missed it so much


	20. persona mourning time

Beauty Thief: ann’s whip and futaba’s,,,, crossbow i guess??? are complete!!!

blonde panther: i aM ZOOMING OVER

chihiro fujisaki: im here lol

blonde panther: IM HERE IM QUEER WHERE THE HELL IS MY WHIP IM HYPE!!!!!!

Beauty Thief: ah, i can show you!!!

Beauty Thief: why is ann crying?

blonde panther: my,,,, my baby,,,, i missed her,,,, i m ISS CARMEN SO MUCH

chihiro fujisaki: i miss necronomicon ;;

theJoker: You guys, we all miss our personas

PancakePrincess: except me

theJoker: Except akechi, but listen

theJoker: Its hard to hear, but we’ll never get our personas back. We agreed to losing them when we killed mementos.

blonde panther: i know, but its hard not to miss carmen,,,, :(

theJoker: I know, i miss arsene a lot, and i miss my other personas. But we have to let go and say goodbye. It’s been a year you guys

motorcycle lesbian: With a heavy heart, I must agree. Our weapons are something we can replicate, but we can never replicate the power a Persona gave us. We have to say goodbye and let them go once and for all, or nostalgia will engulf and shackle us.

blonde panther: idea!

blonde panther: we could head down to the coast and hold a memorial for our personas once we all get our replica weapons!!!

theJoker: ,,,,It sounds like a healthy way to let go of the past,,,, makoto??

motorcycle lesbian: I agree. Then, we can stop mourning our lost power and move forward. Plus, that way we all can have a healthy cry over what we’ve lost.

Beauty Thief: i like this plan!!

PancakePrincess: i,,,, really don’t.

theJoker: Hey goro, i get that,,, dm me so you can talk it out???

PancakePrincess: sure.

-

theJoker: Hey goro

theJoker: Lets talk this out

PancakePrincess: ,,,,interview style???

theJoker: Sure dude

theJoker: I’ll start easy

theJoker: Why don’t you like your persona??

PancakePrincess: remembering it means remembering shido, and my persona tied me to him

PancakePrincess: my persona led to his abuse

theJoker: But wouldnt you say your persona freed you as well???

PancakePrincess: it isn’t that simple

PancakePrincess: it made me go mad, give into desires i didn’t know i had, made me kill. the power went to my head, and i never want that to happen again

PancakePrincess: i killed so many people in my rage,,,, i never want to go back to that,,, it made me weak.

theJoker: I get that goro

theJoker: Can i logos u for a sec

PancakePrincess: oh my god

PancakePrincess: you actually googled it,,,, sure go ahead

theJoker: Your persona did shackle you, but in its disappearance you grew stronger

theJoker: Therefore your persona made you stronger, just in a more roundabout way

PancakePrincess: oh holy shit

PancakePrincess: i,,,, never thought about it that way

PancakePrincess: nice

-

Beauty Thief: goro, are you okay???

PancakePrincess: yeah, akira and i interviewed it out

PancakePrincess: i’ll go with, at least to drive back so nobody is cry-driving

Beauty Thief: !!!! thank youuuuuu!!!! :DDD

PancakePrincess: ,,,, no problem, haru

PancakePrincess: also q UIT STEALING THE HOT WATER

Beauty Thief: REVENGE >:D


	21. bonus chapter because i’m a lazy asshole

“Why do you all have a weapon? It’s… A bit unsettling, but my fiance and I were curious.” Akira smiled at the young woman, clearly shaken by the teenagers holding a variety of weapons.

“Oh, don’t worry, they’re replicas! I guess you could say… Sentimental reasons. It makes a lot of us feel safe, like the people who gave them to us are still with us in some form, even though they’ve passed... By the way, congratulations on your engagement.” The woman blushed at Akira’s congratulations.

“Ah, thank you! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. My condolences for your losses.” Akira shrugged.

“It’s been a year, some of us just had a bit of trouble letting go.” The woman looked up at Akira, and for a second, he could have sworn he saw a knowing look in her eyes.

“Don’t we all, Mister Phantom Thief? Don’t worry, your group’s little secret is safe with me…” She glided away, leaving Akira dumbfounded under the moonlight. Could anyone tell, or was she just observant? His answer soon came when he heard Ryuji shout,

“Hey! Ann, just ‘cause we ain’t Phantom Thieves anymore doesn’t mean we can’t help people out of shitty situations! Remember what Akira said?” Akira sighed and shook his head, a small grin forming on his face. That dumbass, still the same after all this time… But Ryuji was  _ his  _ dumbass. And nothing could ever change that.


	22. and they were roommates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (oh my god they were roommates)

blonde panther: i feel,,,, a bit better about it

chihiro fujisaki: why are we texting we’re all in the same car

blonde panther: look behind you

chihiro fujisaki: ooooohhhhhh

chihiro fujisaki: i have a sharpie!!!!

blonde panther: h e l l n o akira sleeps so lightly!!!

chihiro fujisaki: i know i was gonna draw on ryuji

blonde panther: omg do it do it

inari: Please do it. I want to paint this.

chihiro fujisaki: on it :3c

motorcycle lesbian: Record it, please.

Beauty Thief: please do!!!

Mourningperson✹: Um… Is Akira sleeping  _ on  _ Blondie?

blonde panther: yeah why???

Mourningperson✹: Well…

theJoker: Hey tabby hand me that sharpie

chihiro fujisaki: w HAT OH MY GOD

Mourningperson✹: Yeah, he wakes up pretty easy. He probably was awake and lurking this whole time.

theJoker: ;3333

motorcycle lesbian: Yeah, his breathing was way too deliberate to be sleep-breathing.

inari: I’m so glad that we recorded that.

theJoker: Now toss me that sharpie

-

jack skellington: y OU DEMONS

chihiro fujisaki: lololololol nice work ren

theJoker: ST O P

PancakePrincess: this is by far the best day of my life

jack skellington: i hate all of you i just backread

jack skellington: e VEN MAKOTO????

motorcycle lesbian: Especially Makoto.

jack skellington: IM MOVING INTO DORMS TOMORROW YOU JERKS

jack skellington: THE ONLY REASON I FOUND OUT WAS BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME

theJoker: Why do you think we did it

jack skellington: i shouldve left you on the street where i found you

theJoker: b UT YA DIDNT

jack skellington: ,,,, you idiot i love you

theJoker: dhjdKDSAHLHJKDHOFHOIDOIHOIFMFKFPLFKPOKOP

chihiro fujisaki: akira??? akira????

**theJoker left “anxiety gays”!**

chihiro fujisaki: oh my god he fuckin dead

jack skellington: w H AT DID I DO

blonde panther: thats the first time you said you loved him you idiot!!!!

jack skellington: o hhhhhh

jack skellington: w HAT FLOWER SHOPS ARE OPEN AT 2 AM

blonde panther: that one in the train station probably is

jack skellington:  _ YEET _

-

**jack skellington added theJoker to “anxiety gays”!**

jack skellington: haaaaaaa he’s still red omg

theJoker: s HUT UP WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS TOMORROW

jack skellington: true

jack skellington: but stiiiiillll public humiliation

theJoker:  _ WE ARE ROOMMATES RYUJI YOU CAN PUBLICLY HUMILIATE ME AT ANY TIME _

chihiro fujisaki: and they were roommates

inari: Oh my god, they were roommates.

motorcycle lesbian: You guys seriously beat me to the punch?

Beauty Thief: come on, i wanted to do that!!!!

blonde panther: futabaaaaaaaa, yusukeeeeeeee :((((

chihiro fujisaki: >:3c

inari: Don’t hate me because you ain’t me.

theJoker: hGghHGhH IM GONNA DIE

jack skellington: am i on drugs or did yusuke just meme twice

theJoker: Ryu if you’re on drugs then i’m on drugs i saw the same thing

jack skellington: goodnight

theJoker: Goodnight sweet prince

jack skellington: y OU MOTHERFUCKER

-

**You have (1) message from theJoker!**

theJoker: Hey i was thinking

theJoker: If any of us ever go too far

theJoker: You can let me know

theJoker: Just say noteleks war

jack skellington: dude thats so smart!!! sure man


	23. guess who’s here (i love her so much oh my god)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok  
> 1: i always thought of ryuji having a phobia of kidnapping which is why he used the phrase here  
> 2: m Y GIRL!!! I LOVE HER!!! SHES HERE!!!  
> 3: tae is still here she’s just a huge lurker

jack skellington: where’s my box of clothes???

theJoker: I have it

theJoker: I think you have my box

jack skellington: that explains the shorts

blonde panther: what shorts shiho wants to know

**jack skellington sent an image!**

blonde panther: duhHUIDGURFUHIIUHUF

blonde panther: IM WHEEZIGN

blonde panther: IM GOING TO CR RYYYY

PancakePrincess: why do i have one of akira’s,,, crop tops i think???

blonde panther: wait,,, is it _that_ crop top

theJoker: Probably

inari: I have four of Akira’s socks. Also, Akechi, you dropped your collection.

PancakePrincess: i d ID CRAP

theJoker: Why does everyone have my clothes

Beauty Thief: oh!!!! futaba hid your clothes in different boxes when you weren’t looking!!

theJoker: How did i know

jack skellington: hey akira can you come read this for me??

theJoker: Why

jack skellington: it’s a poster of the phantom thieves but in english

theJoker: Oh hang on

theJoker: It just says steal your heart ryuji

jack skellington: oh nice i didnt know we had merch

theJoker: We dont,,, unless

theJoker: _@୧(•ヮ•)୨_

theJoker: Yuuki what did you _do_

୧(•ヮ•)୨: o h y e a h!!!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i commissioned a bit of merch to cover the phansite costs!! you may see a few stickers and posters floating around here, a lot of orders came from this campus! dont worry, i stopped after we broke up tho!! had plenty to keep the site going after that!!

theJoker: Ok so should we duct tape ryuji’s mouth

jack skellington: _HEY!!!!!!_

blonde panther: yeah probably

PancakePrincess: i have tape.

jack skellington: time to start the noteleks war

theJoker: No let’s not actually

theJoker: Seems a bit inhumane now that i think about it

theJoker: But this brings up a good point

theJoker: Everyone be careful of what you say

theJoker: A lot of people still are hunting us

chihiro fujisaki: !!! that reminds me!!! i set up the chat encryption feature you asked for akira!!!!!

theJoker: Thanks tabby

theJoker: Everyone if you want to backread in chat past today you have to ask tabby for the password, it changes every day

jack skellington: c OOL!!!!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: that’s pretty smart actually!! by the way, any of you know a hifumi togo??

theJoker: Yeah why

୧(•ヮ•)୨: there was some rooming confusion and she was roomed with me??? i didnt sign up for co-ed dorms,,, did i??? i lost the papers so i cant check ;;

theJoker: I’ll text her and see whats up, probably just a paperwork mistake

-

**You have (1) message from theJoker!**

theJoker: Hey togo

theJoker: I heard about what happened

togoparty: What do I do? I’m roomed with a close friend of yours… So far, he doesn’t suspect anything. What if he finds out?

togoparty: My mom will be furious…

togoparty: Your friends will all hate me!

togoparty: Oh, what do I do?

theJoker: Breathe

theJoker: I’ll take care of it for you

togoparty: What can you do? You aren’t a Phantom You-Know-What anymore…

theJoker: _Rude_

theJoker: Give me like,,, five minutes and i’ll show you that i still have my dazzling charm

-

theJoker: Ok so she says that her mom must have accidentally circled her as male and probably didnt read the forms, and it may take a bit for her to get it fixed

theJoker: Until then i’ll send over a separator curtain so it’s a bit less awkward

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh yeah i get that!!!! my parents dont read anything lol :P

୧(•ヮ•)୨: thanks akira!

-

togoparty: Wow… You did it?

theJoker: The power of ex-boyfriends and ability to lie through your teeth

togoparty: Wait, I’m roomed with your ex?

theJoker: Lol yeah he’s cool tho

theJoker: We’re just friends now, i have a new boyfriend

theJoker: Try to get to know him, he’s nicer now

togoparty: Okay. Should I turn on a movie?

theJoker: Yes, he likes american movies

togoparty: Maybe Black Panther?

theJoker: YES HE LOVES THAT

togoparty: Wish me luck! I haven’t made a new friend in a while now...

theJoker: Luck lololol

-

୧(•ヮ•)୨: akira why didn’t you tell me that she was cool

theJoker: Because our hangouts never crossed paths

theJoker: She hung out at the church a lot back then

୧(•ヮ•)୨: that probably explains it

୧(•ヮ•)୨: cant believe she likes marvel

theJoker: Yeah shes cool like that

blonde panther: ohhhh you’re talking about shoji girl!!! i liked her, she has such pretty eyes!!

motorcycle lesbian: I’m assuming you all are unpacked?

blonde panther: shiho and i are unpacked!!!

theJoker: Ryu is wrestling with his fitted sheets but other than that we’re unpacked

inari: Akechi and I are unpacked.

Beauty Thief: i’m unpacked!!! also, maybe she could room with me once this debacle is all over? my roommate left just before the start of the year,,,

theJoker: Good idea, i’ll text her about it

-

theJoker: Hey togo, my friend haru offered to let you room with her once i get this sorted out

togoparty: Really?

theJoker: Yuppers

theJoker: I have screenshots if you need proof

togoparty: No, I believe you. Thank you, Akira!

theJoker: No prob togo

togoparty: How are you even going to sort this out?

theJoker: I have my ways and a few,,,, friends who owe me some favors

togoparty: I’m sorry I asked. I really don’t want to know.

-

**You have (1) message from theJoker!**

theJoker: Hey iwai

Iwai: what do you need, kid?

theJoker: Rude

theJoker: How did you know i didnt just want to chat

Iwai: you never text first unless you need a favor

theJoker: ,,, You’re right

theJoker: Anyways there’s a friend of mine whose paperwork needs changed

theJoker: And i know a few of your friends owe you favors

Iwai: sorry kid, out of luck there

Iwai: none of my paperwork friends owe me a favor

theJoker: Damn

theJoker: Thanks anyways

theJoker: Tea on thursday with kaoru?

Iwai: as always

-

**You have (1) message from theJoker!**

theJoker: Hey yoshida

Yoshida: Ah! How are you today, young man? Didn’t you say you were moving into the dormitories today?

theJoker: Im doing good, everyone is all unpacked

theJoker: But uh

theJoker: I have legal stuff i need help with for a friend

theJoker: And my usual legal stuff person is out of town

Yoshida: I suspected as such. What does your friend need?

theJoker: Well she was placed in the male dorms

Yoshida: Oh. Tell the young lady not to worry, and that I will promptly fix this mistake! Is there anyone you know that she can room with?

theJoker: Yep

theJoker: Her name is hifumi togo and the roommates name is haru okumura

Yoshida: Thank you very much, I will do my best.

theJoker: Thanks again yoshida

theJoker: I’ll visit soon

Yoshida: That would be wonderful.

-

theJoker: I got it covered togo

togoparty: Thank you so much! Please tell me it wasn’t too illegal…

theJoker: Surprisingly this time it wasn’t all that illegal i dont think

togoparty: Great! Thank you again, I owe you one.

theJoker: It’s really no problem togo, you’re a friend

theJoker: Friends help each other

theJoker: (By the way mind if i add you to a group chat)

togoparty: I don’t mind at all.

theJoker: SICK

-

**theJoker added togoparty to “anxiety gays”!**

theJoker: This is yuuki’s mix-up roommate

theJoker: Everyone say hi

blonde panther: hiiiii

shi a ho: hi!!

Beauty Thief: hello!! you must be akira’s friend!

togoparty: That would be me! It’s lovely to meet you all again.

inari: Ah, Hifumi! It is lovely to see you again. How was your summer?

togoparty: Kitagawa, it is a pleasure. My summer was fine, despite this rooming mishap.

chihiro fujisaki: nEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDSSSSSS

togoparty: Ah, I just got a relocation notice. I’m rooming with a… Haru Okumura?

Beauty Thief: hello, that would be me!~

togoparty: Thank you for your kindness.

Beauty Thief: it’s no problem!!

theJoker: That was fast

theJoker: Yoshida doesnt mess around huh

motorcycle lesbian: Did you do something illegal?

theJoker: How _dare_

theJoker: I asked a friend of mine who works in the government!!!!

theJoker: How it got fixed was mildly illegal at worst

-

Yoshida: Akira, I may have had to do something very illegal.

theJoker: Dammit

theJoker: It’s cool, i’ll handle it

theJoker: Give me like 5 minutes to cover your tracks

-

theJoker: On a totally unrelated note, futaba

chihiro fujisaki: already done

theJoker: Thank youuu

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh, my new roommate is one of the guys i met on the tour!!

-

theJoker: Done

Yoshida: Thank you.

theJoker: No problem, tea on friday??

Yoshida: That sounds wonderful.

-

theJoker: Futaba you’re my favorite fake sister

chihiro fujisaki: im your only fake sister

theJoker: ,,,True

togoparty: I’m glad everything worked out.


	24. inspector asswipe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha yeah surprise  
> more updates

inari: Goro Akechi is a filthy hot water stealer.

PancakePrincess: i w ARNED YOU TO USE THE SHOWER FIRST

inari:  _ Goro Akechi is a filthy hot water stealer. _

Beauty Thief: i told you guys!!!! but you didnt believe me!!

theJoker: This is so great

PancakePrincess: yknow what???

PancakePrincess: YUSUKE KITAGAWA USED MY COFFEE AS HIS PAINT WATER

chihiro fujisaki: he uses everything as paint water soup boy

PancakePrincess: but it was pumpkin spice :(

motorcycle lesbian: Don’t you all have… You know… Class?

theJoker: Oh yeah ryuji does

motorcycle lesbian: And is Ryuji gone?

theJoker: I think, let me check

jack skellington: s HITSHITSHIT WHAT AKIRA WHY DIDNT YOU WAKE ME UP WHAT THE EFF

theJoker: He just ran past me screaming

theJoker: Lol he ran face-first into a wall

motorcycle lesbian: Ugh. How did I guess that this would happen?

theJoker: Maaaaggggiiiiicccc?

Mourningperson✹: Please stop, it’s 8 AM.

theJoker: Doesnt the clinic open at 10??

Mourningperson✹: Doesn’t mean that I have to get up before 9:30.

togoparty: Good morning… 

inari: Is Futaba awake?

chihiro fujisaki: dude im in class

inari: Ah, there you are.

inari: Sorry to bother you in class, but…

chihiro fujisaki: first day nerves??

inari: Yes.

chihiro fujisaki: give me five minutes and i’ll vidchat you

inari: Thank you, Futaba.

-

“Woah, Inari, you look like death! Jeez, forget your concealer or something?” Yusuke nodded, as Akechi walked past in the background, giving Futaba a quick wave. She snickered.

“Are those Denny’s pajama pants?” Akechi blushed and sprinted into another room, slamming the door behind him. Futaba giggled as Yusuke tried to keep a smile off his face. She adjusted her glasses and sat up straighter, adjusting the zoom on her face. Yusuke took that as an invitation to talk.

“Futaba, I know it’s early but… I’m worried. Many of these people know me as Madarame’s former pupil, and I… I don’t want to be known like that. Also, yes, I believe that I forgot my concealer. I unfortunately cannot cover my eye bags.” Futaba sighed and shook her head.

“Inari, let me be real with you. First of all, your concealer is in your makeup bag, which you put in with your paint brushes. We both know that you packed your ‘special occasions’ eyeliner in there too.. Second, we all know you aren’t just that. We love you for you, and we’d never look at you with disgust for your former teacher. Besides, the Madarame stuff has really died down since you guys changed his heart. Also, tell Inspector Asswipe that he owes me 1300 yen for wiping his records.” Yusuke could hear Akechi yell from the other room,

“Inspector Asswipe isn’t my name, and I told you, I’ll pay you tomorrow! Let it go already! By the way, thank you.” Yusuke finally lost the battle, and burst out laughing. He wiped his eyes and wheezed out,

“Inspector Asswipe… That’s amazing… Futaba, I will never cease to be amazed by your nicknaming ability.” Futaba pushed up her glasses and snickered as someone knocked on the door to… Whatever room she was in.

“Thanks, Inari. Shit, it’s the feds, hide the weed!” A woman who Yusuke assumed to be Kawakami walked in and took the phone out of Futaba’s hands.

“There had better not be any actual weed, Miss Sakura… Oh. Nice to see you again, Kitagawa. I’m sorry, but I have to end the call, since  _ someone  _ isn’t even supposed to be on her phone!” Yusuke waved a hand, still grinning.

“Go! Punish the gremlin!” He saw her stifle a giggle and motion to end the call, a cry from Futaba ringing in his ears as the vidchat ended.

-

chihiro fujisaki: hello, this is sadayo kawakami. i’m here because miss sakura couldn’t stay off of her phone.

theJoker: So we’re pranking her

chihiro fujisaki: if you want to, i have nothing to do with this

chihiro fujisaki: >:3

theJoker:  _ Sick _


	25. akira you have to be kidding me

chihiro fujisaki: iM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: also fun quiz  _ @everyone _

chihiro fujisaki: if there was one person who made you realize your sexuality, who was it?

jack skellington: akira

inari: I’d say I always knew, but I know that Futaba will call me out on it, so, Akira.

PancakePrincess: oh definitely akira

blonde panther: akira definitely before then i thought i was just a big lesbian!! shiho was my first “oh shit im gay” tho

motorcycle lesbian: Akira.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: akira

shi a ho: mmmmm i’d have to say ann!!!

Beauty Thief: makoto!

Mourningperson✹: This is a weird conversation.

chihiro fujisaki: we’re weird people doc

theJoker: Makoto im wounded

motorcycle lesbian: I mean, I didn’t lie. You were the reason I realized I was a huge lesbian.

theJoker:  _ Mean!!!!!!! _

motorcycle lesbian: No, no! You definitely aren’t unattractive, just… Remember when we fake-dated?

theJoker: OH

  
theJoker: Yeah thats fair

theJoker: As a gay that was awkward (btw mine was ryuji in reality 132)

PancakePrincess: oooh nice!! totally thought youd go with 255 lol

theJoker: Nah, i had long realized since then

theJoker: Btw ryuji in at least 98 realities i introduced myself as “gaykira kurugay” to you

jack skellington: h GHHGH THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU

jack skellington: also fake dating excuse the eff me

motorcycle lesbian: Okay, so… Ugh, this is really embarrassing. I had this friend, and she wanted me to go on a double date with her and her boyfriend. I didn’t trust her boyfriend, so I asked Akira to… Pretend to be… My… Boyfriend… 

motorcycle lesbian: It was to investigate!

theJoker: I bet you’re super red right now

motorcycle lesbian: SHUT UP, IT EMBARRASSES YOU TOO!

theJoker: I mean i did get to witness your irl badassery in real time so

theJoker: You win some you lose some

jack skellington: okay who HASNT akira pretended to date OR dated in any reality

PancakePrincess: me

shi a ho: me!!

chihiro fujisaki: morgana says “me” but uh dont count me in this vote

jack skellington: ,,,, is that it

jack skellington: dude

theJoker: You did say in any reality

jack skellington:  _ dude _

jack skellington: wait takemi is here too

jack skellington: dont tell me,,,

theJoker: I plead the fifth

jack skellington: DUDE

jack skellington: IM NOT MAD BUT  _ DUDE _

theJoker: IT WAS ONLY TWICE RYUJI

theJoker: THE FIRST TWO REALITIES

jack skellington: wait does that mean you actually

theJoker: Dont say it

jack skellington: does that mean you dated

theJoker:  _ I swear to god ryuji dont say it _

jack skellington: DID YOU DATE KAWAKAMI

theJoker: I CANNOT CONFIRM NOR DENY THESE RUMORS I WILL TAKE NO FURTHER QUESTIONS FROM THE PRESS AT THIS TIME

jack skellington: did you date that fortune-teller chick

theJoker: I CANNOT CONFIRM NOR DENY

jack skellington: did you date the alcoholic news lady

theJoker: i uh

theJoker: i think i left the oven on  _ i have to go _

jack skellington: D U D E !

jack skellington: GIRLS EXPLAIN

blonde panther: ,,,,

Beauty Thief: uhhhhh,,,,

motorcycle lesbian: …

chihiro fujisaki: i plead the fifth

togoparty: ,,,,,

Mourningperson✹: Oh, would you look at the time, I have to go!

**Mourningperson✹ left “anxiety gays”!**

jack skellington: DUDE


	26. momkoto

chihiro fujisaki: uh

chihiro fujisaki: Morgana Machine Broke

**chihiro fujisaki sent morgana.jpg**

jack skellington: dhhduihfuhu

jack skellington: fat cat

Beauty Thief: noooo!!!

theJoker: Stinky fat cat

Beauty Thief: no!!! ;;

chihiro fujisaki: stinky bastard cat

Beauty Thief: NOOO!!!! ;;

PancakePrincess: im trying to pay attention but this lecture is so boring

motorcycle lesbian: Pay attention!

PancakePrincess: fiiiine

-

inari: It’s two AM and the internet is out, so I don’t know if this will send, but consider: Momkoto Niijima.

-

theJoker: HghHgHGhghghg

theJoker: MOMKOTO IM

theJoker: Wait gays that means we have two moms

theJoker: Haru momkumura???

chihiro fujisaki: sounds like monokuma lol

theJoker: I think haru and makoto are asleep so im just going to do something

theJoker: Press f to pay respects to makoto and haru’s old nicknames

chihiro fujisaki: f

**theJoker changed motorcycle lesbian’s nickname to “Momkoto Niijima”!**

**theJoker changed Beauty Thief's nickname to “Haru Momkumura”!**

-

Momkoto Niijima: Akira…

Haru Momkumura: Akira Kurusu.

jack skellington: ohhhh harus using caps ur in for it man

theJoker: If i die then i want you to hire someone to do cocaine on my grave

jack skellington: of course bro,,,,

theJoker: Oh holy shit haru is knocking on our door

jack skellington: fucking run

theJoker: WE LIVE ON THE THIRD FLOOR RYUJI

Haru Momkumura: hello, motherfucker!!

theJoker: aSKSODJSHBAKALLASHS

chihiro fujisaki: fuckign rip akira

jack skellington: can i get an f in the chat for my dead bf

inari: F.

PrincessPancake: f

blonde panther: f

chihiro fujisaki: f

୧(•ヮ•)୨: f

shi a ho: f

togoparty: … F?

Momkoto Niijima: That’s what he gets.

-

theJoker: I lived bitch


	27. keyboard morgana

chihiro fujisaki: consider this

chihiro fujisaki: akechi’s dance outfit makes him look like alvin from alvin and the chipmunks

PancakePrincess: n o

theJoker: Does that make sojiro that one guy

theJoker: Their dad

blonde panther: dave???

theJoker: HIM

inari: In that case, who are Simon and Theodore?

theJoker: Ryuji is theodore 10/10

chihiro fujisaki: ur simon inari

jack skellington: we should start a band

theJoker: Y e s

jack skellington: me on drums, makoto on guitar, akira singing, yusuke on keyboard, haru on guitar also, ann on,,,, also singing

theJoker: Wait hold that thought and consider: morgana on keyboard and makoto on guitar, haru on drums also

jack skellington: ur a genius dude

chihiro fujisaki: wait

chihiro fujisaki: yusuke on morgana

chihiro fujisaki: KEYBOARD CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jack skellingon: dfkahsbdf

jack skellington: Y E S   
jack skellington:  _ @Momkoto Niijima @Haru Momkumura  _ MOMS CAN WE????

Momkoto Niijima: Hell yes.

Haru Momkumura: y e s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

blonde panther: ok im just gonna say it

blonde panther: makoto looked hot af when she was playing guitar

chihiro fujisaki: a g r e e d

theJoker: Me when she started her solo

theJoker:  [ sweats.jpg ](https://image.shutterstock.com/image-photo/nervous-man-sweating-he-afraid-260nw-1175733151.jpg)

Haru Momkumura: god same

Momkoto Niijima: I… What… I…

Haru Momkumura: babe, you’re hot

Momkoto Niijima: I THINK I LEFT THE OVEN ON, I HAVE TO GO-

Haru Momkumura: lol


	28. makoto niijima is a Certified Disaster™

theJoker: H-hewwo?? Trauma nightmares, is that you??? uwu 

jack skellington: 87 again??

theJoker: Yuppers

jack skellington: will cuddles help???

theJoker: ,,,, Pwease???

jack skellington: what will you do for them?

theJoker: Anything fow you, mistew wyuji!!!!!

jack skellington: anything?

theJoker: Anything!!!!

jack skellington: t h e n p e r i s h

jack skellington: also yeah come on in

theJoker: Thank you uwu

-

blonde panther: haaah gaaaay

theJoker: Ann first of all, you have one entire girlfriend, second of all, may i remind you of how ive introduced myself to ryuji like 89 times

**blonde panther changed theJoker’s nickname to “gaykira kurugay”!**

gaykira kurugay: Goddammit ann

gaykira kurugay: You have ten seconds

jack skellington: ! idea

**jack skellington changed jack skellington’s nickname to “ryubi sakamogay”**

ryubi sakamogay: we match!!!

gaykira kurugay: ,,, You have thirty seconds

chihiro fujisaki: oh u better run

blonde panther:  _ fearful yeet _

chihiro fujisaki: this bitch empty

inari: Yeet.

gaykira kurugay: hGHDGHGJDFHGHFHGHGJDJJ

ryubi sakamogay: im going to c r YYYY HOLY SHIT

PancakePrincess: why did kitagawa just say “yeet” in a complete monotone and then chug paint water

chihiro fujisaki: goddammit inari

chihiro fujisaki: in like an hour hes gonna barf so be wary

chihiro fujisaki: 9/10 he had no idea it was paint water

PancakePrincess: and the other 1/10????

inari: Hi, I have crippling depression.

gaykira kurugay: Mood

chihiro fujisaki: mood but hang on i gotta show you guys something

chihiro fujisaki: road work ahead???

inari: Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does.

ryubi sakamogay: d JHDHUDIIUD HE KNOWS VINES???

chihiro fujisaki: ye

chihiro fujisaki: im in me mums car, broom broom

Momkoto Niijima: Get out me car!

chihiro fujisaki: awww :(

chihiro fujisaki: wait thats not inari

ryubi sakamogay: M A K O T O

gaykira kurugay: Meh kinda figured that she was a secret memelord

gaykira kurugay: Hang on

gaykira kurugay: Whos the hottest uber driver youve ever had

Momkoto Niijima: NO.

gaykira kurugay: Makotooooooo~ Pweaaaaasssseeee~~

Momkoto Niijima: No.

gaykira kurugay: I’ll wake ryuji up in time for two whole weeks!!!!!

Momkoto Niijima: … I’ve never been to Oovoo Javer.

ryubi sakamogay: IM SCREM

gaykira kurugay: This is so great

PancakePrincess: i just texted haru youll see whats happening

Haru Momkumura: oh, these pens are so cute!!

Momkoto Niijima: Zach, that’s gay.

Haru Momkumura: jared we’ve been dating for-

gaykira kurugay: WAIT RYUJI IS 19

gaykira kurugay: R Y U J I

**ryubi sakamogay changed ryubi sakamogay’s nickname to “jared”!**

jared: whaddup im jared im 19 and i never fuckin learned how to read

gaykira kurugay: ! Idea

**gaykira kurugay changed gaykira kurugay’s nickname to “zach”!**

jared: zach stop ur gonna get in trouble

zach: ♡

jared: z A C H S T OP (///)

zach: Oh hey pizza’s here

Momkoto Niijima: It is 9 in the morning.

zach:  _ Oh hey pizza’s here _

Haru Momkumura: togo!!! our sushi is here!!!

togoparty: Oh, wonderful!

Momkoto Niijima: You all are weird. Why am I friends with you again?

zach: Because i know for a fact that once you ate chicken wings at 2 am while you cried in leblanc

Momkoto Niijima: LIES AND SLANDER.

chihiro fujisaki: psst she did

Momkoto Niijima:  _ HUSH. _

Haru Momkumura: darling, i know for a fact that right now you’re eating three whole packages of bologna

Momkoto Niijima: Oh no. How did you know?

Haru Momkumura: you texted me this morning asking if you should eat the bologna or the mac n cheese as your depression breakfast even though you hate both!!

Momkoto Niijima: Oh… Right.

Haru Momkumura: also, once i watched you just eat a bag of candy corn for lunch and drink a coffee with 9 shots of espresso!!!

zach: I legit had a heart attack from reading that makoto how are you  _ alive _

Momkoto Niijima: I’ve been wondering that too.

inari: Mood.

jared: dnONDUEJRFOFIU:QS:KD


	29. yuuki done fucked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’d like to say that i love yuuki mishima with all my heart and that is why i wrote this chapter

**chihiro fujisaki added Morgana to “anxiety gays”!**

Morgana: this I S thosiE Gr koup Chva t???>?

chihiro fujisaki: surprisingly accurate for a cat

Morgana: h e Y!! I CA N YUSE KEJHY BOARDS !! ! !

chihiro fujisaki: yeah but u cant use touchscreens

Morgana: r ud e!  ! SE E LOOKW IM TYUOPING!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: barely

zach: Omg hi morgana

Morgana: a K ria???

zach: Yep

Morgana: i sa L Aydi  nan h Ere?? /?

zach:  _ @blonde panther _

blonde panther: oh my god no

Morgana: r UJ DE!!!!! D O n vyt BEE ME A N !!!!!

blonde panther: I WILL IF I WANT TO YOU MOTHERFUCKER

inari: Lol.

jared: yo what the eff did yusuke just lol in my household

inari: :)

jared: oh h e l l no akechi call the goddamn exorcist or something your roomie is possessed

PancakePrincess: oh don’t worry, he’s been taking influence from sakura

chihiro fujisaki: please, call me futaba, sakura is my father.

PancakePrincess: disohohshd

PancakePrincess: oh yeah

PancakePrincess: you guys can all call me goro if you want

inari: I keep telling him to call me Yusuke.

PancakePrincess: wait is that what those passive-aggressive post its are about

inari: No, those are about the dishes. The passive-aggressive paintings are about calling me Yusuke.

PancakePrincess: how can a painting be passive-aggressive????

chihiro fujisaki: dont test him

chihiro fujisaki: also a few days ago i commissioned him to paint me a picture of you flipping off the camera in picasso style so thats probably hanging above your bed to dry

PancakePrincess: when did he get a reference image for that?????

chihiro fujisaki: a week or two ago

zach: This is absolutely riveting but i need to be a disappointed/angry father for a second

jared: OwO daddy?

zach: n O this is actually serious so uh,,,,,, bout to start yelling prepare yourselves

zach: YUUKI MISHIMA GET YOUR ASS IN HERE  _ @୧(•ヮ•)୨ _   
zach: WHEN DID YOU MAKE STICKERS OF OUR M A S K S ????

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i uh,,,, plead the fifth??

chihiro fujisaki: DUDE WHAT THE HELL

blonde panther: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

inari: Mishima, what did you  _ do? _

zach: Only followed us into the metaverse at least 7 times and/or took yusuke’s sketchbook and made STICKERS of our MASKS

PancakePrincess: i’d like to say that that isnt how i first found you, but that would be lying

zach: YUUKI MISHIMA

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh would you look at the time i have to go!!!!!!!!!!!

zach: OH NO YOU DONT

zach:  _ @Momkoto Niijima @Haru Momkumura _

zach: MOMS CAN WE GATHER AT OUR COLLEGE

Momkoto Niijima: Oh  _ hell  _ no, Mishima.

Haru Momkumura: i’m not mad, just  _ fucking furious _ .

shi a ho: oh no. yuuki, didn’t i tell you to take those down???

togoparty: I guess we’re all angry now?

jared: UH, YEAH.

zach: Oh man,,,, goro u aint gonna like this

zach: There’s one of ur tesla mask

PancakePrincess: that’s ok, i guess,,,,,,,

zach: And your,,,, other mask

PancakePrincess:  _ not ok _

PancakePrincess: i hope!!! you guys!!! dont mind!! if i dont gather!!!

inari: Nor will I.

zach: Yeah thats cool dudes

zach: The others and i have ass to kick see u soon

-

zach: Im not sure what’s worse

zach: The fact that yuuki has followed us into mementos twenty times, has nearly gotten killed by the reaper multiple times, stole yusuke’s sketchbook 3 times, or the fact that he tagged along on morgana and he didn’t even notice

Morgana: i W a sS A CA R! ! !! N OFYT MTY FA UKLT!! C A RES CA NBGT FEEL!!! DON GTV HAV EN ER VV E S ! ! ! ! !!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: s orry?

zach: Sorry wont cut it this time, Yuuki.

zach: The fact that this was after we broke up made this worse, because that means you lied to us.

 

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i know, i know

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i… don’t know what i was thinking

୧(•ヮ•)୨: yeah, it was for site costs, but for a while there was this part of me that needed to do that and i dont know why.

zach: Shadow yuuki im betting

blonde panther: oh definitely

jared: look dude, just… please take down the black mask sticker. we dont mind that you need to keep up site costs, but just don’t lie to us. we want to trust you, and you can keep up the rest of the stickers, ok?

୧(•ヮ•)୨: already done. again, i am so sorry. i don't know what i was thinking, stealing yusuke’s sketchbook and following you into that… place. i get it if you guys hate me.

zach: We arent the ones you need to apologize to.

zach: You need to go and apologize to yusuke and especially goro, for doing what you did.

zach: Yuuki, we all still love you. We’re just really upset that you did something that could have revealed us.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: of course.

-

“Who is it?” The knock on the door startled Goro, but Yusuke was already at the door, ready to answer. A shaky voice spoke up from outside.

“It’s Mishima. Please open the door, I need to… I need to apologize. Please.” Yusuke looked at Goro, who was sitting on the couch, curled up in a ball. Goro looked up at Yusuke and nodded, straightening himself out. Yusuke opened the door, and pointed towards the couch, where Mishima sat down.

“I… First, Yusuke. I’m sorry I stole your sketchbook. I never should have, and what I did with what I found was unforgivable. And, Akechi… I shouldn’t have. I should’ve known better. What I did was absolutely horrible, and I shouldn’t have lied either. I already took down the stickers of both of your masks.” Goro nodded, and spoke.

“I understand, just… You can keep up the red one. The black one just brings back… Really bad memories. I get it, and… I forgive you. Just don’t do it again, and keep things open with the others.” Mishima nodded and fleed the apartment, having made his amends.

-

**You have (1) new message from PancakePrincess!**

PancakePrincess: i have to admit, your ex is kind of a cool guy


	30. sister in-laws <3

Haru Momkumura: ah, dysphoria is motherfucker?

Momkoto Niijima: Do you need cuddles?

Haru Momkumura: yes (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Momkoto Niijima: Want me to call the others, hon?

Haru Momkumura: yes please (´∩｀。)

Momkoto Niijima: Everyone, or just the thieves?

Haru Momkumura: everyone please

Momkoto Niijima:  _ @everyone  _ Haru Okumura, Code Cuddles.

zach: ryuji and i are on our way

inari: Akechi and I just arrived.

chihiro fujisaki: yo ren pick morgana and i up

shi a ho: ann and i are about there!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i’m here!

togoparty: Me too?

zach: She wouldnt have @ everyone if it wasnt you too

togoparty: Understood, I am on my way.

Momkoto Niijima: Everyone, do you want to watch a Marvel film or a Disney film?

jared: fuckign disney

zach: Disney

୧(•ヮ•)୨: disney

shi a ho: disney (ann says disney)

chihiro fujisaki: !!!!!! disney!!!!!!!!! morgana says marvel but his opinions suck ass

inari: Kinky.

chihiro fujisaki: djkhdudiuhiuf also im assuming disney for you and inspector asswipe

inari: Yes.

togoparty: What about Zootopia?

jared: y A  S S S S S D D  D ZOOTOPIA IS MY J A M

zach: Y E S

inari: God yes.

PancakePrincess: i actually haven’t seen zootopia before

Momkoto Niijima: That should be a crime, frankly. We’re watching Zootopia.

jared: he’s gonna love this gays

-

PancakePrincess: i would protect that little baby bunny with my  _ l i f e _

jared: told u

PancakePrincess: BLOOD, BLOOD, D E A T H

PancakePrincess: ^ akira trying to convince me he was dead

zach: Its true but he shouldnt say it

zach: Im a horrible actor

PancakePrincess: o H HELL NO THEYRE HURTING HER!!! LEAVE! HER! ALONE!

PancakePrincess: ,,,, shes so great she’ll be a great cop i love her so much hhhhhh

zach: Lol makoto didnt sae cry watching this because she loved judy so much

Momkoto Niijima: Yes, I just told her that we’re watching Zootopia.

Momkoto Niijima: She wants to be added, give me a second…

**Momkoto Niijima added Niijima_Sae to “anxiety gays”!**

Niijima_Sae: You’re watching Zootopia without me?! Wait, who  _ are  _ you all? I need a refresher on your nicknames in this chat.

chihiro fujisaki: futaba!!!

blonde panther: ann lololol

shi a ho: suzui shiho

Haru Momkumura: haru!

Momkoto Niijima: Your sister.

zach: Lol you helped me escape jail

jared: ryuji sakamoto

୧(•ヮ•)୨: yuuki mishima!!

togoparty: Hifumi Togo.

Morgana: t HE ca aT!!!!

inari: Yusuke Kitagawa.

Niijima_Sae: Wait… Who’s “PancakePrincess”, then? I remember seeing them last time too.

PancakePrincess: uh,,,, remember soup boy?

Niijima_Sae: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! AND EVIL! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

PancakePrincess: s urprise????

Niijima_Sae: YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO EXPLAIN BEFORE I ARREST YOU MYSELF.

PancakePrincess: okokok so basically i was under masayoshi shidos control and what happened was in his palace i was shot by cognitive me but he managed to miss any (important) organs and i warped out of the metaverse! So thats how futaba thought i was dead. And then what happened was about an hour later while i was still staunching the bleeding haru found me and that’s around when i passed out and thats about when haru told me that they put me into a medically-induced coma for a month or two!!!!

PancakePrincess: and theeeeen i had to get a fuckload of therapy for my trauma!!! so thats why you didn’t know i was alive!

Niijima_Sae: Wait, really?

Haru Momkumura: yes!!! we kept him in my house’s infirmary!!!

Niijima_Sae: Wow. Haru, you’re really… 

Momkoto Niijima: Brave? Beautiful? Selfless? Virtuous? Morally uncorrupt? An actual angel? Terrifying? Absolutely the love of my life? Yes, yes she is.

Niijima_Sae: Gay.

Momkoto Niijima: Sis, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m a huge lesbian.

Niijima_Sae: True.

PrincessPancake: i can tell you with certainty that haru is absolutely just as gay for makoto as makoto is for her

Niijima_Sae: Are you guys sure you can trust him? No offense, Akechi.

PrincessPancake: none taken lol

zach: Oh dont worry i asked futaba to maybe sort of hack into his phone and computer and make sure nothing crazy was there and also we may have hacked into his therapist’s notes from the oldest to the most recent at the time! Havent done it since tho sorry goro

PrincessPancake: meh. figures. i forgive you for it

jared: plus,  _ i  _ keep him in line!!!

Morgana: n N dot  TR B nu! ! !1 

Morgana: h A  E R u ! ! DO E  S ! ! ! !

jared: shut up cat

Niijima_Sae: By the way, sorry Akechi. I was way too overcautious. If you were in this chat, I should have trusted you.

PancakePrincess: with all due respect i attempted murder, and it would’ve been stupid to trust me

Niijima_Sae: … Fair. Also, I backread, does my favorite sister in-law need anything?

Haru Momkumura: sae!!!! (////)

Niijima_Sae: I’m kidding! Anyways, do you?

Haru Momkumura: well  _ SOMEONE  _ ate all of the chocolate

jared: ,,,, s o r r y

Niijima_Sae: I’ll be there soon.

Haru Momkumura: thank you sae!!! <3 (you’re my favorite sister in-law too!!)

Niijima_Sae: Thank you!

Haru Momkumura: :D


	31. no shade @ mccree mains

PancakePrincess: ugh i forgot how many times i killed you akira i tried to keep a tally but i need the info real quick

zach: Roughly 100 idk tho

PancakePrincess: thanks!! wait how do you not know

zach: Goro i was high as fuck

PancakePrincess: didnt they only give you one shot???

zach: Lol sae said they gave me close to 10

PancakePrincess: ,,,, jesus christ how are you alive

zach: Considering my life up to that point i probably am actually dead

PancakePrincess: fair

zach: Goro there is at least 20 percent chance i’m a ghost

zach: Do you know how many times ive been stabbed

PancakePrincess: a,,,, lot?

zach: Yeah exactly

jared: kira what have we said about existential crisises?

zach: D on,,, t????

jared: yes, and goro, stop enabling him

PancakePrincess: WHAT DID I DO?

jared: enabled him duh

PancakePrincess: i’m going to bed,,,

jared: goodnight

-

zach: Scintillating

blonde panther: what

zach: I want to sound smarter

jared: what does that even mean

inari: Sparkling or shining brightly. It is an adjective.

chihiro fujisaki: you just googled that inari

inari: Shut up, Futaba.

chihiro fujisaki: love u too inari (no romo)

inari: I care for you as well, platonically. Don’t you have class?

chihiro fujisaki: uhhhhhhh i plead the fifth

inari: FUTABA, WE ARE JAPANESE!

chihiro fujisaki: no really im actually sick

inari: Oh. I’ll log on in a minute, in that case!

chihiro fujisaki: y  E S S S S S S S S S S S S S

inari: Oh, @PancakePrincess?

PancakePrincess: yeah

inari: Do you have plans for the next few hours?

PancakePrincess: n o,,,,, ?

inari: I suggest you make some. Futaba and I shall be playing our game.

PancakePrincess: suddenly!!!!! i have!!!!!!!! plans!!!!!!!!!

inari: Thank you.

-

chihiro fujisaki: YUSUKE LOST US THE MATCH

chihiro fujisaki: IM TELLING THEM

inari: Futaba, please no, I’m begging you.

chihiro fujisaki: what will you do for me?

inari: Anything.

chihiro fujisaki: then perish

chihiro fujisaki: @everyone YUSUKE KITAGAWA IS A MCCREE MAIN IN OVERWATCH

zach: Yusuke dude buddy chum what

jared: betrayal

Momkoto Niijima: Literally none of the rest of us knows what that means.

chihiro fujisaki: google it

inari: FUTABA, GET ON THE PAYLOAD! YOU’RE OUR ONLY TANK!

chihiro fujisaki: gtg

jared: wait then what the eff does futaba play, i thought she mained sombra

inari: She actually mains D.VA.

jared: WHAT

zach: Tbh i pinned her for a junkrat main

Haru Momkumura: i pinned her for roadhog!!

PancakePrincess: i thought she was mercy

Momkoto Niijima: After a bit of reading, I would have put her down for Doomfist.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh yeah shes a big d.va main, i main sombra actually

shi a ho: yep!!! i main lucio and i’ve seen her in action (scary)

togoparty: Wait… A Lucio, a Sombra, a McCree, and a D.VA? I know you guys! I was that enemy Mei about two matches ago!

inari: What? Your ult timing was incredible! Nearly all of our team died from that one!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: whaaat tell me your secrets!!!!! i’ve wanted to switch mains for months now, but i can never time the ult right!!!!!

shi a ho: YUUKI MISHIMA, WE HAVE AN ENEMY WIDOWMAKER WIPING US OUT! HACK THEM ALREADY!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: ok ok!!! i’ll find them!!!!

blonde panther: agh!!! widowmaker just got me :(

୧(•ヮ•)୨: we’re gonna lose!!!! guys we gotta go this is super bad on our end

୧(•ヮ•)୨: TOGO OH MY GOD


	32. hiatus time babey

chihiro fujisaki: man i cant believe nanowrimo started

jared: lol yeah must suck for the authors

zach: Yeah i feel bad for ours

jared: what

zach: Nothing

jared: mkay

chihiro fujisaki: damn man i really feel bad for the fanfic authors

chihiro fujisaki: some of them may even have to go on hiatus!!

jared: oh shit why???

chihiro fujisaki: uh, they have other novels to work on!!! duh!!!!

zach: Oh yeah :(

Momkoto Niijima: That’s unfortunate. I’m sure they will return after November is over, though.

Haru Momkumura: yeah!! managing a bunch of projects is hard!! sometimes fanfic has to be put on the backburner for a bit!!!

PancakePrincess: yeah, it kinda sucks

togoparty: Yes, I’d have to agree. They’d likely prefer to update for their readers, but need to finish their novel first.

inari: Not to mention the ones in school. That must be very hard on a person…

blonde panther: yeah!! not to mention keeping up a fanfic on top of that!!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i get it if they have to drop their fanfic for a little while

shi a ho: yeah! it’s totally understandable!

Morgana: y EA HBH! !! ! M ENA TAL HE A L HT C O m E ES F RIRST!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: who knows, if they have a long car ride soon they may be able to update if they’re lucky

Niijima_Sae: Well, it’s getting late. Goodnight, and we hope to see you again once November is over.

zach: See you soon


	33. you thought you’d seen the last of me huh????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey u motherfuckers guess who’s back after completely giving up  
> (also everything that happened in the “classroom” stories here actually happened at least once in one of my classes. i shit you not, this is real shit that i witnessed)

inari: Sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to be in your class, Akira.

blonde panther: no u dont

inari: Why? It was just class.

zach: Trust me u dont wanna know

zach: Ann, yuuki remember when i licked the ceiling that one time

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i wish i didnt

blonde panther: mishima sweetie i heard you whisper “thats so hot” when he did that

୧(•ヮ•)୨: ,,,, im morosexual

୧(•ヮ•)୨: exclusively attracted to morons

blonde panther: diduhduhihiud

jared: remember when i visited for lunch and ended up standing on a desk dancing to fuckinuhhh,,, what was her name??? shake something???

blonde panther: it’s shakira you uncultured swine also yeah

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i remember when we had to forcibly remove you because you started twerking

jared: dhjodjjh yeah that was fun

zach: I have to agree

zach: Omg wait mishima wasnt there for the russian takoyaki incident

blonde panther: duHDUIOIFIFH THAT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

PancakePrincess: it was one of the worst days of mine! >:(

blonde panther: you do realize how much we hated you back then right

PancakePrincess: fair

chihiro fujisaki: yo i recorded it by d r o n e ;3

blonde panther: WHAT

chihiro fujisaki: yall seriously didnt notice that thing trailing us???

Momkoto Niijima: I did.

chihiro fujisaki: lol i know you did

chihiro fujisaki: anygays want me to send it

shi a ho: god yes

୧(•ヮ•)୨: Y E S

**chihiro fujisaki sent** [ **itishot.mp4** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYI3XuJFrRY)

PancakePrincess: sweet jesus did i seriously sound so dead inside??

chihiro fujisaki: you sounded so fucking dead inside 

zach: You sounded like me when i disassociate man

chihiro fujisaki: it was wild 

PancakePrincess: ah yeah, my tv voice was on at all times around then

jared: tbh it was effing infuriating im so glad ur using your real voice now

Haru Momkumura: your old voice haunts my nightmares!!

zach: You know what haunts my nightmares

zach: The goddamn impossible quiz

zach: Ann introduced it to me one day and ive never been the same

blonde panther: dujd oh yeah you hated that

zach:  _ GOLLY GEE I WONDER FUCKING WHY _

chihiro fujisaki: omg it was so easy dude

zach: Problem 42 tho

chihiro fujisaki: ,,,, bro

chihiro fujisaki: i’m asking sojiro to disown you

zach: WAIT NO


	34. soft boys

chihiro fujisaki: consider this

chihiro fujisaki: akira

jared: im listening

chihiro fujisaki: crossdressing

jared: bruh he’s done that tho

chihiro fujisaki: WHAT WHEN

jared: omg you didnt see???? here

**jared sent** [ **bless.jpeg** ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSzjZ-ejJIqQHJg0qskQg74eW8OyqC2CcDP4UkeOX5yF6R78Lyy)

chihiro fujisaki: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

chihiro fujisaki:  _ @inari  _ INARI LOOK AT THIS SHIT

inari: … Should I be questioning my sexuality if I find that hot?

chihiro fujisaki: idk should he

jared: nah i dont think so we gucci

inari: Oh, good.

zach: Oh yeah i looked really hot there

jared: u always do bro ;3

zach: B r o

inari: Some of us are trying to not vomit here.

zach: Lol sorry

jared: rennie ive known you for almost two years now and i can tell ur not sorry

zach: Hes right im really not

inari: That’s fair.

chihiro fujisaki: lol yeah

୧(•ヮ•)୨: is nobody going to mention  _ rennie _ ?!

zach: Absolutely not

jared: nah

zach: Ryuboo our food is here

jared:  _ YELL HEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! _

୧(•ヮ•)୨: RYUBOO?!?!?!?!?!?! WTF

-

Akira snickered at Yuuki’s message as he set the food on the counter. He turned his phone off and stuffed it in his pocket, and Ryuji walked through the door to the dorm. Akira smiled and planted a quick kiss on Ryuji’s cheek, taking in the scent of grass and the cologne that Akira had bought him for his birthday that year. Ryuji pulled Akira closer, pressing their foreheads together as he grinned from ear to ear.

“Hey, Renren. I heard something about food?” Akira let a slight grin slip and walked with Ryuji to the kitchen, absorbing his life now. Not even three years ago he had been living a small life in the country, going to a small school in a small town where everyone had known each other since birth. In a funny way, Masayoshi Shido was the best thing to ever happen to him. Because of him, he got to go on adventures and make friends that he never would have. He met Ryuji because of a crime he didn’t commit. Ryuji nudged him.

“Dude, you’re making your thinking face. What’s up?” Akira shrugged and took a bite of his food, leaning in closer to his boyfriend on the couch.

“Just grateful that I got accused of assault. After all,” Akira picked a crumb off of Ryuji’s face, “If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you, Ryuryu.”

-

jared: psa my boyfriend is a cute

zach: No u

jared:  _ no u _

inari: Boys, you’re both pretty. Calm down.

PancakePrincess: jidjidijod

PrincessPancake: this is so great

jared: yknow what else is great

zach: My boyfriend

jared: my boyfriend- N O , U ! ! ! ! !  ! ! ! ! !

PancakePrincess:  _ @Haru Momkumura _ siiiiisssss ryuji and akira are being gross on main

Haru Momkumura: you go boys!!!!!!

PancakePrincess: sis no!!!!!

Haru Momkumura: sis yes!!!!!!!!

zach: Wait “sis”

zach: What did i miss

Haru Momkumura: oh yeah! akechi is currently under my guardianship and is now one of my next of kin, so, yknow, sis!!!!!!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Well, Sis is going to love this.

Niijima_Sae: What. Okay, let me get this straight.

Momkoto Niijima: Sis, you’re the only straight person here.

Niijima_Sae: Untrue, I’m gayer than all of you. Anyways, Haru basically adopted Akechi, and he’ll be my brother in law?

Haru Momkumura: basically!!!

Niijima_Sae: YESSSSSS

Niijima_Sae: I always wanted a brother!

jared: yo can we get back to the fact that makoto didn’t know her sister was gay

Momkoto Niijima: Nope.


	35. shoe sniffer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is some real shit that i witnessed i stg,,,

Haru Momkumura: sighted: goro akechi sniffing shoes!!!!!!!

PancakePrincess: l y i n g

inari: Not again, Goro.

PancakePrincess: uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  **boneless pizza**

zach: Dude thats kinda gross

jared: what my bf said

Momkoto Niijima: … Futaba?

**chihiro fujisaki changed PancakePrincess’ nickname to “shoe sniffer”!**

chihiro fujisaki: done and done

shoe sniffer: n O

togoparty: What did I just walk into?

Niijima_Sae: Hell.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh worm?

shi a ho: same hat

Niijima_Sae: WTF. What does that even mean?

Momkoto Niijima: Sis, don’t act like you don’t constantly say “oh hat” to me.

inari: #Exposed

chihiro fujisaki: inari, you text me random photos captioned “big mood” to me constantly

inari: Yes, but I don’t deny it, unlike  _ some  _ people.

jared: oOoOOHhhHHH S H I T

jared: DAMN

jared: HOLY SHIT IS SAE A L I V E ?

Niijima_Sae: … Good question.

jared: BROOOOOOOOO

shoe sniffer: oh my god this is so great

shoe sniffer: finally i have one small thing to hold against you (in a funny way)

Niijima_Sae: Okay, soup boy.

shoe sniffer: GODDAMMIT


	36. operation trojt

jared: yo ann

jared: ANN

jared: A N N

jared: @blonde panther ann!!!!

blonde panther: WHAT.

jared: whats thanksgiving

blonde panther: ughhgghhhh give me a second to text my mom i don’t even know

blonde panther: she says that it’s when americans celebrate the fact that they killed all the natives and made friends with like two

blonde panther: they make turkey

jared: yo what the eff

blonde panther: they eat a lot of food

zach: ok wow i’m in hell yeah sign me up

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh mood?

shi a ho: i googled it and apparently we just need a crap ton of food, a location, and thankfulness for our terrible ripoff japanese thanksgiving!

zach: Ryu and i have food covered

Haru Momkumura: goro and i can get location!!!!

togoparty: Makoto and I can bring… Thankfulness, I guess?

zach: Sounds good

zach: @everyone Operation terrible rip off japanese thanksgiving aka operation TROJT is a go

chihiro fujisaki: i’ll get morgana!!!

Niijima_Sae: It sounds fun. Count me in.

Momkoto Niijima: Same here!

inari: Free food.

Haru Momkumura: okay!!! akira, to kick us off, what are you thankful for?

zach: The fact that so many people have continued to read this hot meme garbage and enjoyed it, and are leaving comments too. Happy thanksgiving from the author


	37. inari said the f word!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey listen  
> this chapter is dedicated to my best friend he’s mintem_polo on here show him some love

**You have (1) new message from Haru Momkumura!**

Haru Momkumura: come downstairs, i have a gift for you!!!!

shoe sniffer: oh no

-

inari: Why the  _ fuck  _ is Goro wearing… Well… THIS. 

**inari sent WTF.jpg!**

chihiro fujisaki: first of all, inari said the f word!!!! second,

chihiro fujisaki:  **_WHAT THE FUCK!!!!_ **

shoe sniffer: my tits are scalding

Haru Momkumura: it looks wonderful, does it not?

jared: haru,,, YOU bought that????

Niijima_Sae: I helped.

Momkoto Niijima: What the fuck.

shi a ho: ann am i hallucinating

blonde panther: i wish we were

blonde panther: okay so rundown for those who the image won’t load for

blonde panther: goro is wearing a bikini made of two full soup bowls and spoons, and then,,,, the top part of his pants has bowl pockets, the middle is just soup print, and the bottom has ACTUAL PLASTIC BAGGIES holding more goddamn soup

shoe sniffer: yeah i’m not too hyped either the only reason i’m doing it is because haru bought it for me

blonde panther: wow

shoe sniffer: listen i love my not-quite-sister a lot ok she bought this for me i’m wearing it forever

Haru Momkumura: thank you goro!!!!

shoe sniffer: no problem, haru

zach: Fake family goals

chihiro fujisaki: shut up ren

zach: uwu

୧(•ヮ•)୨: ,,,, i’m going back to bed, screw this.

togoparty: Trauma.Jpg

togoparty: Listen, Goro, I admire you, but I  _ never  _ wanted to see that.

shoe sniffer: that’s fair

shoe sniffer: hey should i get my septum pierced

zach:  _ Hell yes _

jared: omg no ur gonna get more hot

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh my god i need to see this

inari: Oh my god. I’d actually die.

chihiro fujisaki: ur just the big gay

inari: We all are.

Niijima_Sae: Akechi has decided to pierce his septum.

inari:  _ Hhhhhhhhhhhh. _

jared: we all gonna effin die

-

**shoe sniffer sent Pierced.jpg!**

inari:  _ HHHHHHHHHHHH. _

jared: oh no

zach: Im

୧(•ヮ•)୨: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  _ fuck _

blonde panther: sh i h o forgive me

shi a ho: done and done

chihiro fujisaki: y’all’re just thirsty

zach:  _ Futaba of course we are _

jared: how could we not

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i’m dyign scoob

blonde panther: listen futaba—

inari: Don’t act like you didn’t take screenshots, Futaba.

chihiro fujisaki: diskgsdjddh sHUDDIT INARI!!!!!!!!!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: I AM BUT A SIMPLE PAN LET ME L I V E

inari: Hell no.

shoe sniffer: this piercing feels weird i love it

inari: I can confirm that we all love it too.

chihiro fujisaki: inspector asswipe thirst party

shoe sniffer:  _ FUTABA _


	38. angst time (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey btw by next chapter there will be a surprise tag change!!! (btw if u want to guess what it is in the comments yell heah go for it babes unless ur mintem_polo bc u already know SAM)

**You have (3) new messages from inari!**

inari: tab nightmare

inari: help cant breath e

inari: pleas r respond. soon

togoparty: Kitagawa?

inari: Oh. Togo. It appears I clicked the wrong contact. My sincere apologies.

togoparty: It’s fine. Are you doing alright?

inari: … No. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t burden you.

togoparty: Hey, it’s okay. Is there any way I can help you?

inari: I don’t know.

togoparty: Is it okay if I video call you? Haru isn’t here right now. It'll just be me.

inari: Okay.

-

“Hey, Kitagawa. It’s okay, I’m right here. What’s wrong? Will talking help?” Togo flinched as Kitagawa looked up, face streaked with tears and eyes red.

“I… Think. You… You can’t tell anyone else but the group, okay? We… I’d… They’d get arrested.” Togo nodded. She would take this secret to her grave if it was that important.

“Of course. Now, what’s wrong?” Kitagawa almost seemed to sigh in relief at her words, before lapsing back into his quickened breaths.

“I… Back when we were… You know. We went into a lot of danger. But one moment haunts me. Back in the Palace of my former mentor, I was subject to many horrors. However, an image that has lingered is a painting of my face in a large frame, along with every apprentice before me.” Togo winced. Kitagawa never talked about Madarame, and he preferred to never confide. This must have been serious.

“I know. Remember when I told you about my mother? We were almost in the same boat. The memories didn’t go away, and they probably will never go away. The betrayal. The fear. Everything. But we have to keep moving forwards, even if it hurts. We need to stop and take a breather once in a while. I feel like you need one now. Why don’t you tell me something you think I don’t know about one of your teammates?” Kitagawa nodded at that. He had calmed down ever so slightly at that. Good enough.

-

chihiro fujisaki: yo is inari ok

chihiro fujisaki: he hasn’t called all night

togoparty: Do not be alarmed. He’s doing fine now.

chihiro fujisaki: oh thank god i was worried sick

chihiro fujisaki: he usually calls me by 2 am

inari: Don’t worry. Togo took care of it this time.

chihiro fujisaki: omg she did?

inari: … Yes.

chihiro fujisaki: dude thank you so much

togoparty: It really is no issue.

inari: Really, thank you.


	39. read the a/n pretty please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, capital letters. Big serious time. I know a lot of people are adamant about their ships, and believe me, I am too. However, I recently have come to find myself shipping Protag and Yusuke. Now, rather than dropping Ryuji x Protag in favor of it, since I still love that ship, I decided to merge them. So, please don’t get too mad. I’ve had this chapter done for a day now, but I was super worried to post it. So please, be kind.

zach: Hey has anyone seen ryuji and yusuke

zach: Need to talk to ryuji about something rn and yusuke later

zach: In person

zach: Nothing bad i swear!!!

jared: whaddup

inari: Yes, Akira?

zach: Okay ryuji we can just talk at home but yusuke could you come here around 15 minutes from now??

inari: Yes, I can.

zach: Thank youuuuu

-

“So. I’m gonna assume this is about the raging crush on Yusuke that we both have.” Akira nodded. He and Ryuji had jokingly talked about asking Yusuke to date them, but those ‘jokes’ had started to get more and more serious.

“Yeah, Ryuryu. I mean, we’ve got it  _ bad _ . Do you think he’ll actually accept?” Ryuji shrugged and draped his head on Akira’s lap.

“We don’t know until we ask. Let’s try it out.” Just then, there was a knock on the door.

-

inari: It is definitely a lot to think about. However, I can assure that you will have your answer soon.

zach: Take your time

jared: yeah dude no need to rush

blonde panther: ooh what happened owo? (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

chihiro fujisaki: i can’t believe i’m saying this but ann no

chihiro fujisaki: this is their business and from what inari texted me it’s nothing to share right now

blonde panther: oh so no orgy

chihiro fujisaki: ANN NO

Momkoto Niijima: Did I just walk in on  _ Futaba  _ lecturing about personal privacy?

chihiro fujisaki: listen i already know the deets it’s not anything they’re comfy with sharing rn

inari: Thank you, Futaba.

chihiro fujisaki: luv u too bff <3

zach: See that???? That’s my fake sister i love her

chihiro fujisaki: thanks or whatever ren

jared: thank youuuuuuuuu

chihiro fujisaki: ur welcome bone zone

jared: dkcFDIIDDISYYSKDDK

jared: OH SHIT

jared: GAYS IM SANS UNDERTALE

zach: We been knew

Haru Momkumura: bedtime kiddos!!!!!

zach: Okay mom

-

**You have (1) new message from inari!**

inari: After much thought, I accept. Don’t worry, I told Ryuji the same thing just now.

zach: Omg thank u!!!!!! Welcome to the meme bfs enjoy ur stay

-

**You have (1) new message from chihiro fujisaki!**

chihiro fujisaki: gee kira why do you get TWO boyfriends

zach: Shut it futaba

-

jared: y ESSSSSS S. S S S S 

jared: IT ACRUALLT WORKED UM

jared: IM FUCKIFB

**jared sent** [ **why-cant-we-have-both.jpg** ](https://goo.gl/images/bq6TSM) **!**

jared: EFF YEAH

zach: Uh ryuji

jared: YES HELLO ONE OF MY BOYFRIENDS AND LIGHTS OF MY LIFE

zach:  _ Ryu i love u but this is the main chat _

jared: well shit

blonde panther:  _ ONE OF  _ YOUR BOYFRIENDS!!????!?

shi a ho: WHAT SINCE WHEN

୧(•ヮ•)୨: WHAAAAAAT

shoe sniffer: oh my god haru pay up

Haru Momkumura: dammit,,, you couldn’t have waited a month????

Momkoto Niijima: I’m not at all surprised.

Niijima_Sae: Called it.

togoparty: It was only a matter of time!

inari: Hello.

inari: Oh.

inari: Goodbye!

chihiro fujisaki: INARI U FUCK GET BACK HERE

-

**zach created “boyfriends”!**

**zach added 2 people to “boyfriends”!**

zach: Okay first order of business ryuji and i need to match with yusuke

jared: yeah gotta agree there

inari: Okay…?

zach: Ive got it

**zach added chihiro fujisaki to “boyfriends”!**

chihiro fujisaki: mkay give me a sec

**chihiro fujisaki changed jared’s name to “drop”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed zach’s name to “dead”!**

dead: Oh i like where this is going

**chihiro fujisaki changed inari’s name to “gorgeous”!**

drop: ohhhhhh

dead: I am in full support of this

gorgeous: What?

drop: together we’re drop dead gorgeous but apart i’m on the floor, akira’s dead, and you’re still absolutely gorgeous

gorgeous: Alright then… If you two like it, we’ll keep it. Plus, I appreciate the compliment.

dead: Lol now that that’s done

**dead removed chihiro fujisaki from “boyfriends”!**

**dead changed the group name to “drop dead gorgeous”!**

dead: uwu

drop: LOLLLLL

gorgeous: Ann has sent me 50 texts in the past 10 minutes. What do I do?

dead: Depends on if you want to tell them

dead: We can always say that we were pranking them if u want

drop: yeah lol

gorgeous: Might as well tell them. That way we won’t need this chat.

drop: mkay

**dead deleted “drop dead gorgeous”!**

-

gorgeous: Hello, this is Yusuke. Futaba changed mine, Akira, and Ryuji’s nicknames. They are dead and drop respectively.

blonde panther: soooo yusuke ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

gorgeous: Yes, I am dating Akira and Ryuji. No, we did not all fuck.

blonde panther: awwwwww

Momkoto Niijima: I told you, Ann. Now pay up.

blonde panther: fine

drop: wait yall were bettin on if we had sex???

Haru Momkumura: hey! i didnt  _ bet _ if you had sex!!!!

shoe sniffer: receipts:

_ Haru Momkumura: five dollars says they all boned!! _

_ shoe sniffer: ten says they didnt and ryuji will respond what the eff or for real when he sees this and akira will send a link to that one video _

drop: what the eff for real

dead:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_LpHQZimg4 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_LpHQZimg4)

shoe sniffer:  _ @Haru Momkumura  _ pay up

Haru Momkumura: awww :(

Haru Momkumura: at least tell me that akira’s a top!!!!

dead: ,,,,,

drop: sorry nope

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i mean we never had sex but yeah no hes probs a bottom

Haru Momkumura: dammit!!!!!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Girls plus Goro, assemble. Haru was wrong.  _ @chihiro fujisaki @blonde panther @togoparty @shoe sniffer @shi a ho _

shi a ho: HAAAAHHHHHH PAY UP I  _ TOLD YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

chihiro fujisaki: give this gremlin her goddamn money!!!

blonde panther: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS BETTER PAY UP HARU

shoe sniffer: mcfuckin knew it

togoparty: Called. It.

dead: Et tu, hifumi????

togoparty: You act like I’d pass up a chance to win a bet.

shi a ho: yeah we all know you’re a bottom

dead: not fair!!!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i didn’t tell her that i swear she came to that conclusion herself

blonde panther: yeah you have bbe

blonde panther: big bottom energy

dead: >:(

drop: love u too babe

gorgeous: This is so strange.

blonde panther: you’re a phantom gay yusuke this is kind of already strange


	40. ryuji plays d&d

chihiro fujisaki: nyall mind if i  **_uwu_ **

dead: Wtf yusuke and ann are the furries

blonde panther: rude!!!!

gorgeous: Betrayal.

drop: but you guys are kinda furries

blonde panther:  _ shut _

gorgeous: Both boyfriends have turned against me… I can only trust Togo now…

togoparty: Hah, furry.

gorgeous:  _ TOGO! _

-

**chihiro fujisaki changed Niijima_Sae’s nickname to “taako tacco”**

blonde panther: futaba

chihiro fujisaki: yes?

blonde panther: is that the goddamn. gay wizard from that one podcast

blonde panther: the adventure zone

chihiro fujisaki: maybe uwu

dead: Goddammit futaba

drop: idk that podcast is kinda cool when ann can translate for me

blonde panther: you just like the jokes

drop: NOT TRUE I PLAY D&D

drop: shit wait

blonde panther: omg with whoooooo

gorgeous: Me.

togoparty: I play with him as well.

chihiro fujisaki: nyehehehehe

୧(•ヮ•)୨: really? d&d?

chihiro fujisaki: shuddit npc

Momkoto Niijima: I play too.

Haru Momkumura: i don’t play, but i do come with mako-chan from time to time!

drop: speakin of which when’s our next session

chihiro fujisaki: once im done making the next scenario!!!!! patience, jeez, let a dm live!!

gorgeous: It’s going to be intense, based on the amount of graph paper she’s been using.

togoparty: Oh no. The last time she used graph paper we had to start a new campaign.

drop: o shit everyone start making new characters 

Momkoto Niijima: Aww, I like mine!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: nerds

dead: Let them have their fun yuuki

dead: Besides you have every overwatch hero skin so you have no room to talk

୧(•ヮ•)୨: HEY I WORKED HARD FOR THOSE

chihiro fujisaki: neeeerrrddddd

taako tacco: Oh, no. I have to make  _ another  _ new character?

dead: Wait sae plays too

drop: uh, duh

taako tacco: Yes, I do. Now, I have papers to get to. Goodnight.


	41. oooooOoooo prequel chapter spooky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so for this chapter usernames are:  
> Mrs. Joke-Akira  
> bone zone-Ryuji  
> catwoman-Ann  
> foxy grandpa-Yusuke  
> g4m0rGrrl-Futaba  
> Johanna_Of_Arc-Makoto  
> sadistic floof-Haru  
> thanks, and enjoy the chapter!!!! :D

**Mrs. Joke made “meme thieves”!**

Mrs. Joke: Go ham

bone zone: man fuck akechi

catwoman: idk i’d fuck akechi (forgive me shiho bb ily <3)

g4m0rGrrl: i’m ace but worm

foxy grandpa: Same.

Johanna_Of_Arc: You guys, just,  _ why _ ?

sadistic floof: let them have their fun, mako-chan!!! besides, pretty much all of us who aren’t huge lesbians or ace would fuck akechi!

Mrs. Joke: Exactly

catwoman: wait futaba what the  _ hell  _ is your nickname

g4m0rGrrl: ask ryuji

bone zone: it was funny ok!!!!!

Mrs. Joke: Uuuugh you guys

Mrs. Joke: Guess who wants to talk

bone zone: effin mishima?

Mrs. Joke: Yeah, yuuki

Mrs. Joke: I’m thinking of breaking up with him at this point  but i don’t want to hurt his heelies or his feelies yknow

catwoman: shiho just looked over my shoulder and said do it you have advice from his best friend for life

g4m0rGrrl: yeah i gotta admit it’s getting almost like,,,, fuck what’s the word,,,,,, inari

foxy grandpa: Toxic. It’s getting toxic, Akira.

bone zone: yeah man it’s really takin a toll on you

Johanna_Of_Arc: I didn’t want to give unwarranted advice, but the others are right. As soon as that is done and over with, we can try to find his Shadow in Mementos as well.

sadistic floof: yeah :( it sucks but it is hurting you a lot!!!

Mrs. Joke: Yeah i know but warning selfish thought incoming

Mrs. Joke: I don’t want to be alone on valentine’s day or christmas

bone zone: bro

bone zone: you really think we would leave you alone then?????

Mrs. Joke: I don’t know, i thought you all had plans

catwoman: listen, we love you akira. and if it’s loneliness that scares you, we will never let you be lonely.

Mrs. Joke: ,,,, Thank you guys

foxy grandpa: *Gays.

g4m0rGrrl: djHhshshsh

Mrs. Joke: Anyways i’m meeting up with yuuki. tonight’s the night, wish me luck

g4m0rGrrl: luck!!!!

foxy grandpa: Luck.

sadistic floof: luck!!!! :D

Johanna_Of_Arc: Good luck, Akira.

catwoman: luck :3

bone zone: effin luck bro

Mrs. Joke: Thanks, love you guys

g4morGrrl: *gays

Mrs. Joke: My mistake, love you gays (and ryuji)

bone zone: ;3

Mrs. Joke: Nevermind

bone zone: dude!!!


	42. mama sakamoto joined the battle!!!

gorgeous: Why do we all know so many American memes?

dead: ~~Because~~ ~~the~~ ~~author~~ ~~doesn’t~~ ~~know~~ ~~japanese~~ ~~memes~~ Because ann

chihiro fujisaki: and me!!!! i taught inari vines!!!!!

gorgeous: RIP.

drop: press f to pay respects

Momkoto Niijima: F.

Haru Momkumura: f!!!

shoe sniffer: f

chihiro fujisaki: f

dead: F

gorgeous: F.

taako tacco: What the hell is Vine?

Momkoto Niijima: Remember that video I showed you? The one with the “yeet”?

taako tacco: Yes, I do.

Momkoto Niijima: That’s a Vine. Ann and Futaba translate them for us, since Ryuji is absolute shit at English.

drop: >:(((( mean!!!!!

gorgeous: Ryuji, Akira and I care deeply for you, but your English sucks ass.

chihiro fujisaki: are you proud that i taught him swearing

dead: Yes absolutely definitely

drop: idk its a bit weird to see him say the eff word

dead: Fair

dead: Wait why dont you ever say fuck

drop: my mom told me not to :’(

dead: ,,,, Lets add her

blonde panther: y e s s s s s  mama sakamoto is so cool

drop: h ELL YEAH I LOVE MY MOM

**drop added Mama_Sakamoto to “anxiety gays”!**

drop: HI MOMMY

Mama_Sakamoto: Hey pumpkin, what’s this?

drop: that gc with my friends!!!

Mama_Sakamoto: Oh.

Mama_Sakamoto: thank god i didnt want to type “normally”

Mama_Sakamoto: hey punks

dead: Heyo ryuji’s mom

shi a ho: hi ryuji’s mom!!!!!

blonde panther: hey mama!!!

gorgeous: Hello, Miss Mom.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: hi ms sakamoto!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: hi mom!!! thanks for hosting d&d!!!! next session is gonna be _intense_

shoe sniffer: hi miss ryuji’s mom

Haru Momkumura: hi mom!!!!!!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Hello, Momsy.

togoparty: Hi, Mama!

taako tacco: Hi, Ms. Mom.

Mama_Sakamoto: hi nerds!!!! i heard you’re using graph paper, futaba! does that mean i need to make a new character?

togoparty: It would be recommended.

Mama_Sakamoto: damn, well, c’est la vie!!

Momkoto Niijima: Momsy, are we still on for tea?

Mama_Sakamoto: as always

dead: How are you this many people’s moms

Mama_Sakamoto: hard work and bme!!!

Mama_Sakamoto: big mom energy

dead: God worm

dead: Anygays, i’m akira

Mama_Sakamoto: WAIT.

Mama_Sakamoto: you’re ryuru’s boyfriend!!

drop: MOOOOOOMMMMMMMM

Mama_Sakamoto: not now pumpkin im threatening your boyfriend

dead: Well

dead: Theres more than one to threaten

Mama_Sakamoto: !!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama_Sakamoto: FINALLY!!!!!!!! IM SO PROUD OF MY BABY!!!!!!!!!

Mama_Sakamoto: oh, which one of you is it???? ryuru im so proud!!!! you finally got your shit together!!!!!!

gorgeous: Hello.

Mama_Sakamoto: both of you can call me mom if you want!!! welcome to the family!!!! actually, all of you can call me mom!!! aaaaaaaa im so happy for you ruru!!!!!!!

gorgeous: “Ruru”?

Mama_Sakamoto: oh, as a little one ryuji couldn’t pronounce his name!! he called himself ryuru, ryuryu, ruru, and ruji!!!!!! (and rubi too!!)

Mama_Sakamoto: i taunt him with it daily because its hilarious

drop: love you too mommy

Mama_Sakamoto: ♡ love you baby boy!!

dead: God i love my new mom

dead: Wait ryuji predicted his sexuality with his own name

Mama_Sakamoto: yep!!! anyways, i’m heading to work!!!

dead: Bye moomoo

gorgeous: Goodbye, Miss Mom.


	43. murica part one

Haru Momkumura: who wants to go to walmart???

dead: You mean seiyu? Ive been there like a billion times tho

Haru Momkumura: no,  _ real _ walmart!!! like, american walmart!!!

dead: Oh hell yeah

drop: idk let me ask my mom

drop:  _ @Mama_Sakamoto  _ mommy can i go to america with my friends and go to walmart??? i promise i’ll be good!!!!

Mama_Sakamoto: alright, pumpkin. keep me updated!!!

Momkoto Niijima: I wish I could go… Haru, would you please video call me when you get to Walmart? Law student stuff, :(

Haru Momkumura: of course!!! you can get this bread queen!!!! ♡ 

chihiro fujisaki: hell. yes.

blonde panther: sure why not

shoe sniffer: sure!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: lol why the hell not

shi a ho: i’m in!!!

togoparty: Sure!

gorgeous: This is a terrible idea, I love it.

Haru Momkumura: alrighty!!! meet me at my house at 4 am tomorrow, the flight will take about fifteen hours!

୧(•ヮ•)୨: jesus

Haru Momkumura: don’t worry, we’re taking the company plane!!

chihiro fujisaki: :,) i love having a rich friend

shoe sniffer: oh worm?

Niijima_Sae: … Send pictures.

Mama_Sakamoto: everyone can stop by my house at three for plane snacks!!!

drop: thank u mommy ♡

Haru Momkumura: anygays everyone get packed, we’re heading to albany new york!!! they have walmart there, but then our next stop is new york city so i can meet with potential investors!!!!!!

dead: Gotcha, thank u so much haru (and moomoo for the plane snacks)

-

drop: WERE IN WALMART FUCKERS

drop: shit wait

drop: sorry mommy it wont happen again :’((((

Mama_Sakamoto: it’s alright ruru, you were excited

dead: OMG RYUJI GET OVER HERE!!!!!

drop: AAAAAAAAA OMG WHY DO THEY HAVE KNIVES

blonde panther: WHY DOES WALMART SELL GUNS  _ AND _ TOILET PAPER WTF

chihiro fujisaki: THEIR BOOK SECTION SUCKS IM HEADING TO THE GAMES

୧(•ヮ•)୨: uh,,,, i’m lost

shi a ho: ANN!!!!! ANN THEY HAVE SO MUCH FROZEN FOOD WHAT IS THIS

Haru Momkumura: what!! is!!! this!!!! fresh!!!! makeup!!! hell!!!

togoparty: Oh my god, they don’t have shogi. What is this “pimple popping” game?

gorgeous: I… Their art section… Why so much fabric? Where’s the paint?

gorgeous: Oh my god. I found something that I need.

gorgeous:  _ I found a felt succulent kit. _

୧(•ヮ•)୨: WHAT WHERE

gorgeous: In the… Fabric section? I don’t know the English words, so I can’t read the sign.

Haru Momkumura: it’s the arts and crafts section!!!

shoe sniffer: you guys, i found a dress that looks so good on me omg

**shoe sniffer sent HotOrNot.jpg!**

Haru Momkumura: oooh, i should do your makeup!! everyone, pick up what you want and meet at the front of the store, i’m paying!!!!

drop: yusuke babes why do you have so many felt succulents and sewing kits

gorgeous: I wanted enough for everyone to make some!

chihiro fujisaki: i picked up a few games and some licorice for everyone to try!!

shi a ho: i got whatever a “kid cuisine” is!

blonde panther: i got “twinkies” whatever the hell those are and some root beer for you guys to try

dead: I got a crap ton of rice krispies

shoe sniffer: i got pop tarts

Haru Momkumura: alright head count! wait where’s mishima

୧(•ヮ•)୨: right here, and i got some “snowball” snacks!!!

blonde panther: lol this is going to be great

-

୧(•ヮ•)୨: WHAT THE FUCK

drop: WHAT EVEN

dead: MY MOUTH IS B U R N I N G

chihiro fujisaki: get fucked


	44. murica part 2 ft. mcdawnalds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is now dedicated to therandompers for pointing out that i accidentally messed up sae’s nickname

dead: Omg we’re here

drop: WELCOME TO MACDAWNALDS

chihiro fujisaki: DO YOU WANT A PHUCKING BEEZCHURGER

gorgeous: P-Please, I just want to s-see my wife again.

Haru Momkumura: **_C H I N K E N  N U N G E T_ **

blonde panther: what the Fuck

chihiro fujisaki: [ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=slJhWhkGoOM ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=slJhWhkGoOM)

୧(•ヮ•)୨: IM DYI G N HOLY SHIT

shi a ho: why is the large drink size so big?!?!?! h epl i’m drowning in sprite

togoparty: The grease is merging with me, soon we shall become one.

togoparty: I’m getting another large fry.

blonde panther: why the hell did ryuji get a kids meal wtf

drop: t o y

blonde panther: should’ve known

chihiro fujisaki: ryuji i’ll trade you my moana for your felix

drop: oh _hell_ yes

drop: i effin love moana

Mama_Sakamoto: !!!! we can add it to your collection!!!

dead: Omg ye s

blonde panther: omg yes add it to the disney collection

gorgeous: What?

Mama_Sakamoto: ruru has a collection of disney princess toys! there are a few barbies, some plushies, a few toys that came with meals, and even a watch!!

drop: hell yeah listen u guys mulan is _the shit_ ok

chihiro fujisaki: i can’t even tease you for this bc honestly mood

୧(•ヮ•)୨: uh, you guys?? we’re going to miss our train,,,

Haru Momkumura: oh no,,,,

togoparty: WELL, TIME TO GO.

blonde panther: i have seen god and they are togo hifumi shoving an entire mcdonald’s large fry into their mouth

shi a ho: GOTTA CHUG THE SPRITE!!!!

Haru Momkumura: CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!!!!!!!!

shi a ho: CHUGGED THE SPRITE, LETS GET MOVING!!!!!

dead: BIG MAC IS OFFICIALLY EATEN

drop: JESUS YOU DID THAT IN ONE BITE

dead: BIG BANG CHALLENGE BABY

gorgeous: My McGriddle is secure.

shoe sniffer: eat whole mcmuffin hOLY SHIT WAIT WHAT

-

Haru Momkumura: i don’t like this train,,,,,,

togoparty: I think someone just groped me.

shoe sniffer: _WHAT._

drop: W H O

dead: I’m going to fucking murder them

taako tacco: You guys, holy shit.

Mama_Sakamoto: kick some ass babies!!!!

dead: And here we see two very different adult influences in our lives

drop: babe i hate to say it but everyone here is an adult minus futaba and morgana bc morgana is a cat

dead: _Shit fam u rite_

chihiro fujisaki: hey yknow what this train ride needs

chihiro fujisaki: _fucking cartoons get ur asses over here_

dead: YESSSSSSSS


	45. makoto is in trouuuubbblllleeeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter!!!! :(  
> i’ve been a bit out of it lately, so this was the most i could write. sorry again!!!

drop: whatever this song is im here for it

chihiro fujisaki: i told u that youd like it

blonde panther: what song???

drop:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDCMMtY3uTk ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDCMMtY3uTk)

blonde panther: ,,,, my friend that is not the original song

drop: wait it isnt

blonde panther: no

blonde panther: this is the original

blonde panther:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPf0YbXqDm0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPf0YbXqDm0)

drop: ,,,,,,, the other one is way better

chihiro fujisaki: knew it

chihiro fujisaki: oh i just remembered this other song youd like ryuji

drop: s e n d

chihiro fujisaki:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i98bKRYIZd8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i98bKRYIZd8)

drop: what the eff i feel like im hallucinating

blonde panther: same hat?

dead: This is an oh worm household ann i will not stand for this

blonde panther:  _ s a m e h a t ? _

dead: Ann is cancelled, haru is my new drunk gossip buddy

Haru Momkumura: yesssssssssssss!!!!!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Haru, you don’t drink.

Haru Momkumura: eeeh, at formal dinners and parties i do drink wine and champagne!!!!

taako tacco: Can confirm.

gorgeous: Yes, I can also confirm this.

shoe sniffer: confirmed

Momkoto Niijima: Wait, really?

Haru Momkumura: yes, mako! plus, we all know you’ve gotten drunk off of your sister’s whiskey once by accident!!!!

taako tacco:  _ I didn’t. _

Momkoto Niijima: WELL GEE LOOK AT THE TIME GOTTA BLAST!


	46. kiss marry kill time babey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> id like to say thank u to my lunch table for providing me with this glorious idea  
> also!!!!  
> do you like the adventure zone?? if not, disregard this message!  
> if you do, then boy do i have news for you!!! i have a new adventure zone chatfic (balance arc) called "ass tattoos and impossible technology"! if u like taz, please go check it out! that's all, enjoy the chapter!

**chihiro fujisaki changed taako tacco’s nickname to “jessica rabbit”!**

jessica rabbit: Why?

chihiro fujisaki: inari, if you please?

**gorgeous sent PalaceSae.jpg!**

jessica rabbit: Holy  _ shit _ .

jessica rabbit: Just, just wow. Holy shit.

jessica rabbit: Is it wrong to think that I was hot?

gorgeous: I wouldn’t think so.

Momkoto Niijima: Sis. Ew.

jessica rabbit: It’s called self-confidence. Take notes.

Haru Momkumura: hell yeah!! you go girl!!!!

jessica rabbit: Thank you, Haru.

Haru Momkumura: ugh, i’m borreeeedd!!!!

dead: Oh idea

dead: Fmk???

chihiro fujisaki: no, what about kmk

dead: Finnnneee

dead: Kiss marry kill time  _ @everyone _

chihiro fujisaki: better

drop: alright i’ll go first

drop: ann

blonde panther: oh no

drop: kiss marry kill makoto, my mom, and futaba

blonde panther: mmmmm kiss your mom, marry makoto, and kill futaba (sorry)

chihiro fujisaki: i get that

blonde panther: okokok

blonde panther: akira!

dead: Alright hit me with it

blonde panther: kiss marry kill shiho, togo, morgana

dead: Kill morgana

chihiro fujisaki: that was fast

dead: Well im not a furry

dead: Anyhoodle kiss togo and marry shiho

togoparty: I’m just glad to not be dead.

dead: Ok

dead: Futaba, kiss marry kill mishima, ann, haru

chihiro fujisaki: kill the npc, marry haru, kiss ann

blonde panther: awwww!!! ♡ (platonically)

chihiro fujisaki: ok mishima

୧(•ヮ•)୨: oh no

chihiro fujisaki: kiss marry kill inari, goro, and mmmmmm,,,, shiho

୧(•ヮ•)୨: ok this isnt that bad

୧(•ヮ•)୨: marry shiho, kiss akechi, kill yusuke (sorry yusuke)

୧(•ヮ•)୨: mkay yusuke

gorgeous: Alright, hit me with your worst.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: kiss marry kill akechi, makoto, and futaba

gorgeous: Kill Futaba, marry Makoto, and kiss Goro.

shoe sniffer: i’m flattered

gorgeous: Haru! Kiss marry kill Ann, Togo, and Sae.

Haru Momkumura: kiss sae, marry togo, and kill ann!! (sorry ann)

Haru Momkumura: makoto!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Oh no.

dead: Pause for a sec

Momkoto Niijima: Thank goodness. I’m married to two people and dating one now.

dead: Found a stray something lemme get a closer look

drop:  _ dog dog dog dog dog dog _

dead: It was a dog, probably only a few weeks old??? No collar or anything, and no dog owners live near here

drop: pleeeaaassssseee can we keep it kirakira

gorgeous: I’d like a dog.

drop: please renren

gorgeous: Please?

drop: pretty please rennie

dead: No, we arent paying pet deposit

drop: look into its eyes!!!

gorgeous: Please, Akira?

dead: ,,,, You’re paying pet deposit

drop: YESSSSSSSS

dead: It’s a girl puppy, doesnt seem to have been fixed, and is probably hungry

dead: I’ll go get dog food

dead: Also makoto finish

Haru Momkumura: okay!! kiss marry kill goro, ryuji, and akira!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Ughhhh… Kiss Ryuji, kill Akira, marry Goro.

Momkoto Niijima: I hate this game.

-

gorgeous: The three of us are keeping her

drop: we named her sapphie

dead: Before you ask yes we named her after sappho

blonde panther: mlm/wlw solidarity

blonde panther: shiho’s pet snake is named baybay

dead: Bayard rustin???

shi a ho: yep!!!!

dead: Niccceeee

dead: What kind of snake??

shi a ho: oh, he’s a ball python! my other ball python is named kio

dead: Hayley kioko???

shi a ho: ye

drop: niiiicceeee

shi a ho: i actually breed snakes once in a while!!! i only breed kio and baybay, but it’s a nice way to work with my little babies! it’s always sad when there’s a stillborn :(

blonde panther: yeah, i help shi out sometimes with the hatchings and it’s really sad

shi a ho: but!!!! whenever someone adopts a baby they do send pictures back to me of the baby in its new home, which is super cool!!!!

shi a ho: plus i can yell at bad snake owners >:3

dead: Shiho you’re my hero

drop: im,,, im dead

shi a ho: speaking of which aNN THE FIRST EGG FROM THE NEW CLUTCH JUST PIPPED

blonde panther: SHIT IM OMW

dead: Good luck

drop: hoping for no stillborns on your end

shi a ho: thanks gays!!! ♡


	47. iF SHE BREATHES, SHES A THOT

shi a ho: after about TWO DAYS of waiting, our eggs finished hatching!!!

blonde panther: its a sassy clutch this round for ball pythons

shi a ho: well their mom is pretty sassy babe

blonde panther: i’m calling this one bitey til it gets adopted

blonde panther: oooh can we keep this one??? Pleeeaaaasssseeee

shi a ho: alright, we can keep pip, but that’s it! we’ve got a waiting list for the others

blonde panther: yay!!!!! we get to keep pippy, we get to keep pippy~

Mama_Sakamoto: oh, the clutch hatched?? let me know once mine is good to go!!

shi a ho: you got it ma’am!!

drop: oh yeah, need me to help you carry stuff home, mommy???

Mama_Sakamoto: i’d appreciate the help!!

dead: When d’you need it

gorgeous: We’d be happy to.

Mama_Sakamoto: oh, thank you boys!!!

shi a ho: speaking of which, i think yours is bitey!!!

Mama_Sakamoto: !!!!!!!!! i love bitey already

blonde panther: he’s a sassy one (,,꒪꒫꒪,,)

shi a ho: pip isn’t too sassy considering her mom

shi a ho: i was two seconds away from naming kio “sassafrass”

blonde panther: and then makoto introduced you to lesbian jesus

Momkoto Niijima: Listen,

Momkoto Niijima: Hayley Kiyoko is  _ hot _ . Sorry, Haru.

Haru Momkumura: oh no i totally agree!! like,,, damn??

Momkoto Niijima: Oh thank goodness.

jessica rabbit: Same, honestly.

Momkoto Niijima: WlW solidarity right now.

chihiro fujisaki: gooodddddd she’s so hot

gorgeous: She is quite aesthetically pleasing.

chihiro fujisaki: ok but gal gadot has ALL of my uwus

Momkoto Niijima: Who?

blonde panther: *gasp*

chihiro fujisaki: wonder woman

Momkoto Niijima: Oh… Same.

drop: okay but consider

drop: all women are queens

blonde panther: valuable contribution ryuji

chihiro fujisaki: ,,,, aLL WOMEN ARE QUEENS

gorgeous: …  _ If she breathes, she’s a thot! _

gorgeous: I apologize, that was for the meme.

blonde panther: oh if you two didn’t do it i would’ve so it’s cool

gorgeous: Oh, good.

drop: i should’ve known, u meme loving fucks

blonde panther: ryuji you’re a meme loving fuck too

drop: shit fam u rite


	48. worst palace?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughhh sorry for such a short chapter you guys!!!!!! :( i’ll try to do better next time  
> anyhoodle enjoy what little chapter we have!!!

dead: Ok ryuji and i were fighting over this so

dead: Which palace was the worst (obviously fucking mementos where we fought a god)

drop: nO EFFIN KANESHIRO’S WAS

blonde panther: both of you are wrong, kamoshitty’s was the worst

chihiro fujisaki: uuuuuhhhh mine

Morgana: m ADRA ME  !!!!

Momkoto Niijima: My sister’s.

Haru Momkumura: my fathers was clearly the worst!!!

shoe sniffer: i’d say my sperm donor’s

gorgeous: Here, we can resolve this. Let’s let Sapphie decide.

dead: How????

gorgeous: We simply take 8 pieces of paper, and write the name of each target on them. Whichever one Sapphie goes to first is the one that was the worst.

gorgeous: We’d also scent each of them with a treat, as to not disturb the process with our own scents.

dead: ,,,, You genius yusuke i love you

drop: oh worm??

gorgeous: Uebgusjgvzh

chihiro fujisaki: oh my god he fuckin dead

dead: Shit i ryuji’d it

drop: since when am i a verb?!??!

Mama_Sakamoto: since you were three, dear

dead: Anyhoodle i’m going to go find out the worst palace ruler/fix the bf

drop: im coming with!!!!!

-

gorgeous: The dog has spoken!

chihiro fujiskai: cmon puppy cmon cmonnn futaba futaba futaba

gorgeous: She ran right to Sae’s before jumping into Akira’s arms.

Momkoto Niijima: YES! I KNEW IT!

shi a ho: the dog has apparently made a wise decision

dead: :/


	49. one of two holiday chapters

tdead: You gays

dead: I found these hats

togoparty: Oh?

dead:[ https://partycity6.scene7.com/is/image/PartyCity/_pdp_sq_?$_1000x1000_$&$product=PartyCity/455048 ](https://partycity6.scene7.com/is/image/PartyCity/_pdp_sq_?%24_1000x1000_%24&%24product=PartyCity/455048)

togoparty: Oh my god.

dead: We gotta wear them _@everyone_

chihiro fujisaki: Y E S

dead: Hmmm can we get the whole #tokyosquad in on this

drop: i just woke up but YES

chihiro fujisaki: i need to see kawakami wearing that

blonde panther: y  A A A S S S S S S S

dead: Hang on im messaging the others to try to get them in on this

dead: Except for shinya i can handle that in person

-

**dead created Santa!**

dead: Meet me at okumura’s tower next tuesday, make sure u wear this

 **dead sent** [ **santabeard.jpg** ](https://partycity6.scene7.com/is/image/PartyCity/_pdp_sq_?%24_1000x1000_%24&%24product=PartyCity/455048) **!**

**dead left the chat!**

SadayoKawakami: what the fuck.

Iwai: Ugh, why not?

Yoshida: I… Guess?

Mourningperson✹: I hate this so much.

Sojiro_Sakura: I can’t believe i willingly took this kid in

-

gorgeous: I think I’m crying from laughing so hard.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: NEVER ONCE IN MY LIFE DID I EXPECT MY FORMER HOMEROOM TEACHER

୧(•ヮ•)୨: TO WILLINGLY WEAR THAT HAT

drop: i love this so much oh my god

Momkoto Niijima: Futaba, stop trying to out t-pose Shiho. It’s getting embarrassing.

Haru Momkumura: today is so great!!!!!

shi a ho: I AM ULTIMATE SANTA

chihiro fujisaki: NO ME

blonde panther: blegh,,,, beard hair in my mouth

shoe sniffer: i have beard hair stuck in my septum ring :(

gorgeous: Where’s Akira?

drop: yeah, i havent seen him since we got here

dead: One sec babes

dead: Aaaand done

drop: dJIFOHHRHFR

Mama_Sakamoto: i love this so much.

dead: Ho ho ho

blonde panther: im dead im dying omg

togoparty: Oh my god, is that Sapphie on his shoulder?

dead: Yeah, shes in a little mrs claus outfit

chihiro fujisaki: somehow i managed to wrestle a hat onto morgana

shoe sniffer: he seems so angry

drop: dude is that a pillow under your shirt

dead: Maybe

dead: Anyhoodle everyone lean in for a picture

shoe sniffer: thats one heck of a selfie stick

drop: goro there are like 13 of us here how else are we supposed to fit everyone

chihiro fujisaki: quick while he cant see our messages should i make his phone play this

chihiro fujisaki: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09tzb8lkMwE ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09tzb8lkMwE)

drop: YES

shoe sniffer: NOW GO GO GO

dead: Okay first of all

dead: That was hilarious

dead: I love you guys so much did you see sojiro’s FACE omg

chihiro fujisaki: o yea

**chihiro fujisaki added Sojiro_Sakura to “anxiety gays”!**

chihiro fujisaki: hey sojiro

dead: Hi fake-dad

Sojiro_Sakura: Why

Mama_Sakamoto: welcome to hell

Mama_Sakamoto: hang on, _@drop_ nickname him

drop: on it mommy!

**drop changed Sojiro_Sakura’s nickname to “grounded”**

dead: AYYYYYYYY

drop: EYYYYYYYY

grounded: Great, there’s two of them

gorgeous: Three.

grounded: Oh no

blonde panther: frankly i’d like to know how akira managed to accumulate more partners than ive ever had in my life

dead: Theres a lot of realities to go through ann

blonde panther: in just this one idiot

grounded: Realities?

dead: O yea

dead: Goro could you,,, yknow

shoe sniffer: yeah sure

**shoe sniffer sent meta.jpg!**

grounded: … Jesus Christ

dead: Lol yeah

dead: Ive had fake-dad introduce me to the cafe a few thousand times

grounded: Will you stop calling me that?

dead: No

grounded: Okay, so i think i know who everyone but togoparty is

togoparty: Togo Hifumi, wonderful to meet you.

grounded: Ohhhhhh i remember you

shoe sniffer: wait, you knew i was alive??

grounded: Come on, one little gunshot wasn’t going to kill the kid responsible for the mental shutdowns

dead: Uhhhh fake-dad we dont talk about that

drop: o right the ground rules

drop: _@chihiro fujisaki_ chat rules

chihiro fujisaki: rule one, no mentioning the mental shutdowns (my mom is sort of a weird one, make sure to ask first)

chihiro fujisaki: rule two, no mentioning the interrogation room incident

chihiro fujisaki: rule three, don’t talk about anything traumatic about the palaces (goro getting shot, ryuji’s near death experience, akira getting arrested, etc) _UNLESS YOU HAVE EXPRESS PERMISSION._ this applies to all rules as seen above, but not rule four.

chihiro fujisaki: haru, you get rule four

Haru Momkumura: rule four, _no mentioning my father!_

grounded: Gotcha

grounded: Sorry kid

shoe sniffer: it’s cool, you didn’t know

grounded: So you guys run a pretty tight ship in here huh

Momkoto Niijima: Don’t be fooled, Boss. They’re little hooligans.

୧(•ヮ•)୨: i prefer rascals

shi a ho: whippersnappers maybe

drop: trouble-makers

chihiro fujisaki: yahoos

togoparty: Perhaps ruffians?

gorgeous: Mischief-makers.

blonde panther: mmmm i was thinking vandals

dead: Brats

Haru Momkumura: rowdy, possibly!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Rapscallions?

shoe sniffer: juvenile delinquents

dead: There we go

drop: right on the money!!!

blonde panther: yeah sounds about right

chihiro fujisaki: except ren

dead: Wait what am i then

**chihiro fujisaki changed dead’s nickname to “nasty crimeboy”!**

nasty crimeboy: Okay fair but what about ruru and yusuke

**chihiro fujisaki changed drop’s nickname to “nasty sportsboy”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed gorgeous’s nickname to “nasty artboy”!**

nasty sportsboy: fair

nasty artboy: I cannot deny my true self. Last time I did, my fingers started bleeding.

nasty crimeboy: Eugh that was so gross

blonde panther: okay but remember when makoto stomped through a concrete floor

nasty artboy: I remember very well.

nasty sportsboy: number one badass!

chihiro fujisaki: dang how come i couldnt get a normal awakening???

Momkoto Niijima: As I recall, you got tentacles instead.

chihiro fujisaki: ugh don’t remind me :(

chihiro fujisaki: yknow whos awakening was really extra

chihiro fujisaki: haru’s

nasty sportsboy: did none of yall see akira’s awakening

nasty artboy: No, he was the first of us to awaken to our Persona, not counting Morgana or Goro.

nasty crimeboy: Besides, harus was extra as frick

grounded: What the _hell_ are you all talking about?

togoparty: I’m as lost as you are, sir.

grounded: Just call me boss, the rest of them do

Mama_Sakamoto: just so you all know, ruru didn’t last a month without telling me everything!!!

nasty crimeboy: Dammit ryuji

Mama_Sakamoto: don’t worry, i never told anyone!!! plus, ruji tells me everything anyways, i was mostly surprised that he lasted as long as he did!

nasty sportsboy: truth


	50. happy holidays u beautiful nerds!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> santa claus: akira  
> mr claus a: ryuji  
> mr claus b: yusuke  
> ANNtlers: ann  
> omnipresents: makoto  
> Actual Angel: haru  
> stocking sniffer: goro  
> chessmas: togo  
> papa christmas: sojiro  
> santa claus’ in-law: mama sakamoto  
> shi-ho-ho-ho: shiho  
> arresting santa: sae  
> hacker elf: futaba

santa claus: Its crimus

mr claus b: Merry crisis.

mr claus a: happy chrysler

shi-ho-ho-ho: christmas!!!!

ANNtlers: woot!!!! crimus!!!!!

hacker elf: c r i s i s

Actual Angel: it’s christmas, i’m so excited!!!

omnipresents: Agreed!

arresting santa: Time for some breaking and entering charges!

papa christmas: Why this.

chessmas: Just go with it.

santa claus’ in-law: it’s really more fun if you do! :D

hacker elf: hey inari

mr claus b: Yes?

hacker elf: i know you’re spending this christmas with ur bfs but just know that im keeping you for most of the day, tradition and all

mr claus b: I wouldn’t dream of anything different.

santa claus’ in-law: ah, same to you, ruru!! you’re spending at least a bit of christmas with your mother!

mr claus a: like i would dare do anything else ♡

papa christmas: Yeah, I’m stealing Futaba at some point, and until then, Akira is with me.

santa claus: Awwww, sojiro

papa christmas: Don’t get all mushy on me.

santa claus: TOO LATE

shi-ho-ho-ho: annnnnn babe once youre done at home we should have christmas together~~~

ANNtlers: gladly. i dont want to have to hear my mom and dad debate over whether it’s santa claus or joulupukki ever again.

hacker elf: what the hell is a joulupukki

stocking sniffer: yeah, i’m pretty curious

ANNtlers: my dad is born and raised finnish and my mom is half american half japanese :/// they have this argument every year

ANNtlers: joulupukki is finnish santa

Actual Angel: how awful!!

ANNtlers: once when i was like six it got so heated that my dad started yelling in finnish

ANNtlers: they never actually get mad, they always end up agreeing to disagree

hacker elf: wait you know finnish

ANNtlers: dude i lived there, i know finnish

ANNtlers: my dad is finnish

ANNtlers: olen vain iloinen siitä, että voin sanoa tämän, eikä kukaan voi ymmärtää

omnipresents: Jesus. She’s trilingual, everyone take cover!

ANNtlers: uhhh you’re gonna hate this,,,,

ANNtlers: i know swedish (online course cause i was bored) and im learning a bit of russian!!

omnipresents: … My god.

chessmas: You must pick up languages quickly!

ANNtlers: i guess?? sometimes i use the finnish idioms if i’m not thinking ^^;

shi-ho-ho-ho: yeah, i’m learning finnish to make things a bit easier for her!!!

chessmas: That’s to be expected. I use Korean idioms a lot when I’m not thinking about it. My father lived in Korea for a long time, and taught me the language.

ANNtlers: ayyy polyglot!!!!!!!(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

chessmas: Ayyy. (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

ANNtlers: o shit it begins

ANNtlers: ugh getting them to stop is like shooting flies with a cannon :( gtg

shi-ho-ho-ho: good luck babe!!!!

-

Akira curled into Ryuji, vaguely aware of the presence next to him. He smiled and turned to Yusuke, who was awkwardly sitting next to the two cuddling figures.

“Hey, come on. Don’t let us two have all the fun.” Ryuji nodded and yawned, stretching out his legs and wincing slightly.

“Yeah, I’m effin  _ cold _ … You’re so warm, please?” Yusuke smiled fondly at the two as he sighed, and clambered over to wrap the two in his arms.

-

Makoto nuzzled her face into Haru’s hair, wrapping herself around the girl and flinching at the horror movie onscreen. Haru giggled and pet Makoto’s head with her free hand, the other holding a mug of hot chocolate.

“Mako-chan, want to watch something else next?” Makoto nodded into Haru’s hair, curling into the sweater that she took from Haru’s room.

-

Shiho sighed and shook her head at the snoring girl on the couch. She carefully removed Ann’s pigtails and put her phone on the charger, before sighing and limping over to Ann’s bed, cane wrapped tightly in her hand. She wouldn’t be able to carry Ann to her bed, but she could at least make her comfortable. She smiled and pet BayBay as she passed, checking on the little ones as she went, before grabbing a blanket and a pillow from Ann’s bed. She put the pillow under Ann’s head and laid the blanket over her, smiling softly.

“Merry Christmas,  _ Kultsi _ . I love you.”


	51. happy new year uwu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a short chapter ;;  
> wanted to get it done in time for new years, better content should be coming this way

nasty crimeboy: Ugh can it be midnight yet

nasty sportsboy: mood

blonde panther: ohmygod chill

nasty crimeboy: Kinda hard to when RYUJI stole ALL OF THE BLANKETS and our HEATING IS BROKEN

nasty sportsboy: but im cold :(

nasty crimeboy: Ryuji honey

nasty sportsboy: yes dead

nasty sportsboy: *dear

nasty crimeboy:  _ Remember last winter _

nasty sportsboy: ,,,, fair, i’ll trade

nasty sportsboy: blankets for cuddles

nasty crimeboy:  _ Fuckign deal hell yeah blankets _

nasty artboy: mnbngghh,,,,, akira, stop taking the blanke ts,,,,,

nasty crimeboy: No >:3

nasty artboy: rat baby can i sleep over at your place,,,, i dont want to stewal balkents,,,,

chihiro fujisaki: if you can make it over here without falling asleep

nasty artboy: ok,,,,,,, happy ne w year,,,,,,

chihiro fujisaki: lol youre gonna be so mad when you wake up later

-

nasty artboy: What the fuck.


	52. big bang burger's sucky internet

**You have (1) new message from nasty artboy!**

nasty artboy: hey rat baby

chihiro fujisaki: hey succotash

nasty artboy: i had an idea

chihiro fujisaki: boyfriend prank?

nasty artboy: yes, plus mishima. a nickname change

chihiro fujisaki: voice call me and i’ll be on it

-

**chihiro fujisaki changed nasty crimeboy’s nickname to “The Final Pam”!**

The Final Pam: What

**chihiro fujisaki changed ୧(•ヮ•)୨’s nickname to “Trash Hogan”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed nasty sportsboy’s nickname to “Roachie”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed nasty artboy’s nickname to “Metal Husband”!**

The Final Pam: Oh

Roachie: what

blonde panther: what

chihiro fujisaki: *gasp*

chihiro fujisaki:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1jGnFt78H8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1jGnFt78H8)

chihiro fujisaki: that series is called monster factory

The Final Pam: Yeah it’s by two of the mcelboys

Roachie: ohhhhh

Roachie: that’s griffin and justin right

blonde panther: no i couldve sworn it was griffin and travis

Roachie: no no no that’s def justin, travis has a higher voice and a heavier lisp tbh

Roachie: plus travis radiates Big Lumberjack Energy while justin radiates Big Immortal Energy

Roachie: griffin also radiates Big Immortal Energy but it pales in comparison to his accountant look

Trash Hogan: it’s Them Boys

The Final Pam: Tbh im honored to be the final pam

Roachie: ,,,,, what even

Roachie: WHAT IS ROACHIE

Roachie: SON

Roachie: HUSBAND

chihiro fujisaki: sonsband, according to amiibo vorer

Roachie: wtf

Roachie: who’s amiibo vorer

Trash Hogan: oh no.

chihiro fujisaki: oh, you’re new here

chihiro fujisaki: it’s griffin

Roachie: HOW IS HE AN AMIIBO VORER

chihiro fujisaki: check ur dms

Roachie: …

The Final Pam: LOLLLLL RYUJI JUST STARTED SCREAMING

chihiro fujisaki: wait until he finds out about the banana incident

Metal Husband: I think we should stop alienating the readers who don’t watch/listen to McElroy products now.

chihiro fujisaki: truuuuuueeeee

chihiro fujisaki: i’ll change your names back but im also changing morgana’s nickname (and sojiros)

**chihiro fujisaki changed Roachie’s nickname to “nasty sportsboy”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed Metal Husband’s nickname to “nasty artboy”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed Trash Hogan’s nickname to “npc”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed The Final Pam’s nickname to “nasty crimeboy”!**

npc: hey, wait, this isn’t my old nickname!!!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: suck it

**chihiro fujisaki changed Morgana’s nickname to “jaa’m”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed grounded’s nickname to “dog vote”!**

dog vote: Why are you like this futaba

jaa’m: w h YY

dog vote: Is that the cat

dog vote: What the hell is a jaa’m

chihiro fujisaki: oh

npc: oh no

chihiro fujisaki: THIS is a jaa’m

dog vote: ,,,, Futaba, it’s been ten minutes

chihiro fujisaki: sorry this big bang burger’s internet is really sucky

chihiro fujisaki:  _ THIS _ is a jaa’m

**chihiro fujisaki sent** [ **jaa'm.jpg** ](https://twitter.com/rt_cinnamonroll/status/820114451294724097) **!**

dog vote: Please someone kill me save me from this hell

jessica rabbit: Oh, mood?


	53. mementos playlist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my bros, this chapter was inspired by the wonderful chatfic Dumbass P5 Groupchat Shit Because I’m Unoriginal™. please go check it out, and send some love in that direction!!!!  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12304569  
> now, as for usernames-  
> beknife_the_mask: akira  
> skelita calaveras: ryuji  
> tails: ann  
> tails the second: yusuke  
> knuckles: makoto  
> PrinceAli: futaba  
> sadist: haru  
> zac efron: goro

blonde panther: hey og human thiefsquad meet me at bbb i need to vent

blonde panther: u too shiho

-

Akira had been sitting there for ten minutes when Ann had finally arrived, Ryuji in tow. She plopped down in a seat and sighed as the door opened once again, revealing Shiho. Ann smiled tiredly before beginning to speak in a language that they couldn’t understand.

_ “Idioottipäällikkö vei minut pois projektistani! Olin ainoa malli, joka halusi tehdä sen, ja yhtäkkiä hän tuo uuden tytön! Se muuttuu paremmaksi. Hän on tietysti yhteydessä häneen, hän ei tiedä mitään!”  _ Shiho winced and put a hand on Ann’s shoulder.

“ _ Kultsi _ , you’re talking way too fast. You’ll either need to go a lot slower, or you’ll have to switch to Japanese.” Ann groaned and quickly began to speak in Japanese.

“So, basically, the project manager for this modeling gig that I was the only one that I wanted to do brought in this girl he knew to model instead, and kicked me off of the project! She obviously didn’t know anything, and I know that I’m going to end up in trouble for all of this!” Ryuji winced as Akira sighed, before raising his voice over Ann’s nervous mini-rant.

“Ann. Eyes.” Ann immediately whipped over to look at Akira, one of her pigtails hitting Ryuji in the face.

“Yeah, Kirakira?” Akira sighed and nearly pushed up a pair of glasses that wasn’t there, before shaking his head.

“Ann, you’ll be  _ fine _ . You’re the best model I know, and you can talk your way out of anything. Besides, that kid knows nothing, right? You’ve got an ace up your sleeve.” Ann smiled before a worried frown began to form on her face again as she looked away from the group.

“But… I don’t! What if I-“ Before Ann could even continue, Akira snapped his fingers loudly.

“Ann. _ Eyes. _ ” Ann obliged, wringing her hands together in worry. Ryuji was looking on all the while, trying desperately not to laugh.

“What’s up?” Akira placed a hand on Ann’s shoulder and looked her directly in the eyes.

“You. Will. Be. Fine. I can come with.” Ann took a deep breath, and smiled. Ryuji chuckled in the corner at the exchange.

“Sorry, sorry. He does that to Yusuke and I all the time.”

-

nasty crimeboy: Taba i love you so so so so much but  _ toes _

chihiro fujisaki: ?

nasty crimeboy: Look at your feet

chihiro fujisaki: shit thanks

dog vote: Again futaba

chihiro fujisaki: listen i’m doing my best!!!

nasty crimeboy: Wait what if you asked morgana to tap your heels whenever he saw you toe-walking

chihiro fujisaki: !!!!!!!  _ @everyone  _ my fake brother is a genius

nasty artboy: I will admit, that’s a good plan. If you can convince Morgana, anyways.

chihiro fujisaki: lol hes as tired of it as me

togoparty: Toes?

chihiro fujisaki: ohhhh she doesnt know

chihiro fujisaki: yknow when you walk in heels

togoparty: Yes…?

chihiro fujisaki: i just do that all the time but without heels

togoparty: Ohhhh. I used to do that as well!

Haru Momkumura: you all did too???

jessica rabbit: Wait. Don’t tell me that I’m not the only one.

chihiro fujisaki: we can kill with our calves

togoparty: My highest was 3 inches, you?

chihiro fujisaki: my highest is around,,,,,6-7 inches i wanna say

togoparty: Holy shit.

jessica rabbit: Around 3 inches as well.

Haru Momkumura: 5 inches!

chihiro fujisaki: anyhoodle i found this really old chatlog

nasty sportsboy: oh my god shes turning into akira

nasty sportsboy: also owo

chihiro fujisaki: lISTEN THE ANYHOODLE SLIPPED OUT, also it’s the playlist incident

shoe sniffer: ,,,, from mementos?

chihiro fujisaki: yup

nasty crimeboy: SEND

chihiro fujisaki: alright alright i’ll send it soon i have to re-encrypt it n shit

shoe sniffer: oh, right

Haru Momkumura: good luck, futaba!!

chihiro fujisaki: thanks haru

-

zac efron: Mementos can be so boring…

tails the second: What Akechi said.

tails: ughhhhhh akira can we like do something in mementos

skelita calaveras: legit please man

beknife_the_mask:  Okay fine, i’ll take suggestions

knuckles: Maybe… A music playlist? Does Morgana have radio capabilities?

beknife_the_mask: No, but necronomicon does

beknife_the_mask: Yo futaba  _ @PrinceAli _

PrinceAli: yeah kirakira

beknife_the_mask: I said to stop calling me that, read up

PrinceAli: ohhhhh ok, yall send me some sick beats and i’ll whip up a playlist of absolute BOPS

-

beknife_the_mask: Why

beknife_the_mask: Haru, why the screamo

sadist: it seemed nice at the time~ ❀❀❀❀

skelita calaveras: what i wanna know is who chose my r

tails the second: Weren’t you sobbing loudly by the end of it?

skelita calaveras: yeah a little but that’s not important

tails: who let akechi choose rivers in the desert

tails: if anything futaba shouldve chosen that one and nOT 88 GODDAMN PLAYS OF NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP

tails: 4.  _ HOURS. _

PrinceAli: we only listened to 30 minutes of it!!!

tails: STILL

PrinceAli: what genius chose the thomas the train theme

tails the second: Me.

PrinceAli: !!!!!!! iNARI!!!!!!!

PrinceAli: an ace after my own heart (in a platonic way)

beknife_the_mask: Now who chose to instead just have a five minute loop of “i know who you like, akira” in google translate’s voice

tails: :3

beknife_the_mask: ANN

beknife_the_mask: PLEASE

tails:  _ :3 _

beknife_the_mask: cmon i just broke up with,,,,  _ you know _ a few weeks ago, man

tails: ooh shit sorry

zac efron: Who does Kurusu like?

beknife_the_mask: Nunya

zac efron: Nunya?

beknife_the_mask:  _ Nunya business _

skelita calaveras: pfffff nice dude

beknife_the_mask: Oh, thanks ryuji

skelita calaveras: man what happened to calling me ryu???

zac efron: Oh.

zac efron:  _ Ohhhhhhh. _

beknife_the_mask:  _ Not a single word, akechi _

knuckles: Way to be obvious, Akira.

sadist: well put, mako-chan!!!!

knuckles: Oh… Thanks, Haru! :)

zac efron:  _ Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. _

PrinceAli: lol give them time

zac efron: Fair. Wait, Kurusu broke up with someone?

skelita calaveras: yeaaahhhh, kinda sucky but yknow

knuckles: Akira actually liked two people for quite a while. Ann told me about his mini-rants over text.

beknife_the_mask: Betrayal

PrinceAli: eh youve been betrayed worse man

beknife_the_mask: truuuuuu

zac efron: By who?

beknife_the_mask: Nobody important fam

PrinceAli: lol yeah

beknife_the_mask: Anyhoodle gotta blast, last trip to sae’s palace is  _ tomorrow _ , everyone

zac efron: Right… Let’s all do our best!

PrinceAli: and if we can’t do that,,,

tails the second: We’ll fuck up somebody’s plans along the way!

skelita calaveras: our battle cry is weird as hell

skelita calaveras: it’s just us chanting “fuck shit up” as we run in

beknife_the_mask: It works, and that’s what matters

beknife_the_mask: Be ready for tomorrow, anything could happen

tails:  _ vi kan hålla vår ledare från att bli dödad säkert! och förrädaren kommer att betala! _

zac efron: What?

tails: just a motivational thing in swedish, nothing to worry about :)


	54. akira's many phases

shoe sniffer: ann

blonde panther: yeeeessssss?

shoe sniffer: i just google translated that swedish

blonde panther: LOLLLLLLLLL

nasty crimeboy: Dkjdhflkjdbjjks i remember that

**chihiro fujisaki changed blonde panther’s nickname to “motivational swedish”!**

motivational swedish:  _ w h e e z e  _ im dyign scoob

shoe sniffer: have to admit, that must have taken hella balls

motivational swedish: oh god you have no idea

nasty crimeboy: Morgana was screaming in my ear when he saw what it meant

Mama_Sakamoto: omg i remember this

Mama_Sakamoto: ruru showed me

nasty crimeboy: One more time everyone

nasty crimeboy:  _ Dammit ryuji _

nasty crimeboy: Anyways we all have much experience with fucking with people

jessica rabbit: The  _ incident _ , I assume?

nasty crimeboy: Ye

nasty crimeboy: For explanation i called everyone shitty nicknames in my retelling

jessica rabbit: When you ran out of nicknames, I remember you calling them the Arcana, like from tarot cards.

nasty crimeboy: Oh yeaaaahhhhh

motivational swedish: oooh oooh which was i???

nasty crimeboy: The lovers

motivational swedish:  _ s i c k _

nasty crimeboy: Lemme see,,,, ryu was the chariot, yusuke was the emperor, morgana was the magician, makoto was the priestess, haru was the empress, sojiro was the heirophant, goro was justice, futaba was the hermit, chihaya was fortune, iwai was the hanged man, tae was death, kawakami was temperance, ohya was the devil, shinya was the tower, hifumi was the star, yuuki was the moon, yoshida was the sun, and if i had to mention sae, she wouldve been judgement

nasty sportsboy: i was the chariot??? s _ weet!!! _

nasty artboy: I’m flattered that I was The Emperor.

chihiro fujisaki: lolllll i was the hermit

jessica rabbit: How do you know so much about the major Arcana?

nasty crimeboy: Back when i was like 11 i had a tarot phase and it just kind of stuck

nasty crimeboy: One of the girls in my gymnastics class gave me my first ever tarot deck, i think i still have it somewhere

Haru Momkumura: aww, that’s so sweet!!!

Momkoto Niijima: Ah, I remember you telling me about some of your phases. Remind me, was it a Roman or Greek mythology phase?

nasty crimeboy: Neither, egyptian mythology babes

Momkoto Niijima: Your tap dancing phase?

nasty crimeboy: We don’t talk about my tap dancing phase

Momkoto Niijima: Ooh, what about your horse phase?

nasty crimeboy: SH U T

motivational swedish: wait you forgot about his twilight phase

nasty crimeboy: SHUT!!! UR!!!!! MOUTHS!!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: his emo phase

nasty crimeboy: Blease,,,, no more,,,,, i beg

Haru Momkumura: guys, guys!!

nasty crimeboy: Oh thank god harus come to my aid

Haru Momkumura: ,,,, you all forgot about his boy-crazy phase!!!!!

nasty crimeboy: nNNnnnNNOooooooOOOooOOO

nasty crimeboy: BETRAYAL


	55. futaba’s steam wishlist

motivational swedish: relationship ended with shiho, kio is my girlfriend now

nasty crimeboy: Dishes in the sink or

motivational swedish: dishes in the sink

shi a ho: i sAID I WAS SORRY

motivational swedish: i wanted to make mac n cheese!!!!

shi a ho: and i cleaned up once i realized!!!!

motivational swedish: also you spilled a bunch of salt everywhere and just

motivational swedish: you didnt do the thing babe you gotta do the thing or it’s bad luck

shi a ho: uuuUUUuUUUugGHhHHH do you want me to throw some fucking salt from the counter over my shoulder

motivational swedish: pretty please

shi a ho: fine one sec

nasty crimeboy: Wtf who throws salt

nasty sportsboy: who doesn’t throw salt?!?!?!

nasty artboy: I cannot afford salt, but when cooking I do throw some over my shoulder if I have any.

Mama_Sakamoto: ^^^^ those two know whats up

togoparty: What??? No??? You don’t waste good salt!

Haru Momkumura: I’m sorry, I have to agree with Hifumi and Akira.

jessica rabbit: Yeah, same.

Momkoto Niijima: No way. You always toss the salt.

jessica rabbit: Et tu, Makoto?

shoe sniffer: Yeah, you throw fallen salt.

npc: what?????? no??????????????????? you dont?????????

motivational swedish: djdlkjdkfl phantom thieves are cancelled, i only know ryuji, yusuke, ryuji’s mom, makoto, and goro

chihiro fujisaki: ok im back after doing some hw and w HAT

chihiro fujisaki: you gotta throw the salt!!!!!!!!!

dog vote: Futaba you’ve never spent more than 10 minutes on actual homework, what were you really doing

chihiro fujisaki: h

chihiro fujisaki: h a c k i n g ?

dog vote:  _ Futaba! _

chihiro fujisaki: one, you didnt care two years ago!!! two, i was hacking into ryuji’s laptop to recover some data for him

chihiro fujisaki: speaking of which  _ @nasty sportsboy _ you owe me 6000 yen

nasty sportsboy: what dude :((((

nasty sportsboy: i barely have 2100 wtf

nasty sportsboy: whats the phantom thief discount

chihiro fujisaki: ,,,,,, check my steam wishlist, any of those games will work

nasty sportsboy: futaba wtf

nasty sportsboy:  _ why the hell is catherine on here _

chihiro fujisaki: shuddup i like puzzle games

nasty sportsboy: but catherine???? really

chihiro fujisaki: plus that’s not even on my wishlist

chihiro fujisaki: wait when was that added

nasty sportsboy: like 2015 i think

chihiro fujisaki: ohhhhhhhh

chihiro fujisaki: i was desperate for new games then lol

nasty sportsboy: ok i feel u but explain frickin

nasty sportsboy: ,,,, the h one

chihiro fujisaki: ????

nasty sportsboy: h-pop

chihiro fujisaki: OH MY GOD

chihiro fujisaki: WTF I THOUGHT I REMOVED THAT?!?!!?!!

chihiro fujisaki: OH MY GOD GROSS

chihiro fujisaki: THAT WAS BEFORE I REALIZED I WAS ACE, EW OH MY GOD

nasty sportsboy: ooookay and with that i’m buying you one of the fallout games

chihiro fujisaki: thanks ryuji never mention this again

nasty sportsboy: done and effin done

dog vote: What’s h-pop

chihiro fujisaki: GOODNIGHT


	56. mama sakamoto medical emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw next chapter upload will be on january 28th, for the birthday of a Beautiful Boye

nasty sportsboy: hey has anyone seen my mom today

chihiro fujisaki: no but i have a spare key if you’re too busy to check on her

nasty sportsboy: thanks futaba

nasty sportsboy: u know that i love u right

nasty sportsboy: in like an older brother way

nasty sportsboy: just thought i should say that i love u

chihiro fujisaki: yeah yeah love you too bone zone

-

chihiro fujisaki: ryuji we need you here  _ now _

chihiro fujisaki: i think she’ll be fine but we need you now, you know where the medicine is

nasty sportsboy: s _ HIT WHAT’S WRONG IS SHE OKAY WHAT HAPPENED AKIRA CALL TAE _

nasty crimeboy: Already done shes on her way, just run

nasty sportsboy: ON IT

nasty sportsboy: FUTABA, SYMPTOMS

chihiro fujisaki: she,,, says it hurts to breathe??? she seems to have a fever

nasty sportsboy: got it, any others

chihiro fujisaki: sore throat, she says

nasty sportsboy: open the door im here

nasty crimeboy: Tae is a few minutes away

nasty sportsboy: ok i’m just gonna tend to her until tae gets here, if anything changes i’ll update yall

nasty crimeboy: Alright  _ @everyone  _ ryuji’s mom is having what may be a medical emergency, be aware of updates on her condition and  _ stay. calm. _

motivational swedish: wHTA MAMA’S NOT OKAY

motivational swedish: OH MY GOD

Momkoto Niijima: Ann. Stay calm, I’m sure that Momsy will be fine.

Haru Momkumura: mako, you’re crying!!!!! are you okay????????

Haru Momkumura: what?!??!?!???!?? omg, get better soon mom!!!

jessica rabbit: Oh, Ms. Mom… 

jessica rabbit: Ryuji, please keep us updated on her condition.

nasty sportsboy: futaba can you get the door

nasty sportsboy: i dont wanna leave her side in case something changes

chihiro fujisaki: hhhhhhh ok

-

nasty sportsboy: okay good news and bad news

nasty sportsboy: good news is that it’s just a rough case of pneumonia and she’ll be fine

nasty sportsboy: bad news is that she needs some medicine and it’ll totally drain her finances

nasty crimeboy: Great news just came in

nasty crimeboy: I’ll cover medicine costs

nasty crimeboy: I saved some money from PT stuff just in case of something like this

chihiro fujisaki: i can help!!!!!! i can do some more freelancing jobs!!!!!!

jessica rabbit: I’d be happy to help in the event that this isn’t enough.

Haru Momkumura: oh, just let me cover it, i’m loaded!!!

nasty sportsboy: you guys,,,, im fuckign sonbbbing

chihiro fujisaki: he really is, can we get some boyfriends here to help  _ @nasty artboy @nasty crimeboy _

nasty artboy: On my way already.

nasty crimeboy: Im here

nasty sportsboy: bABBBBBBBBESSSSSSSSS IM   
nasty sportsboy: I

chihiro fujisaki: uh oh, he just crashed from his panic

chihiro fujisaki: lol everyone get ready for Emotional Ryuji

nasty sportsboy: I JUST NEEE D TIO SAY

nasty sportsboy: I LOVE YIOU ALLLL SO MCUH

nasty sportsboy: EBEN THE CATTTT!!!!!!!!

nasty artboy: He just fell asleep.

chihiro fujisaki: yeah, i asked his mom a while back and apparently after he panics he “crashes” and gets emotional for a minute or two, and then falls asleep

chihiro fujisaki: pretty useful tbh

chihiro fujisaki: aaaaand i saw something in the house that’s a secret

chihiro fujisaki: :3

Haru Momkumura: oooooh, sounds fun!!!!!! i bet it’s something to do with yusuke’s birthday!!!

chihiro fujisaki: oh yeah one thing about birthdays,

chihiro fujisaki: APPARENTLY haru’s birthday has come and gone and she didnt TELL us

Haru Momkumura: oh, would you look at the time, i have to go!

chihiro fujisaki: DECEMBER 5TH IS HARU’S BIRTHDAY AND I J:DJLLLLJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJRD

Momkoto Niijima: Oh no, Haru got her.

jessica rabbit: Rip.


	57. happ birth u funky little art man

**You have (1) new message from chihiro fujisaki!**

chihiro fujisaki: hAPPY BIRTHDAY U STRING BEAN FUCKER

nasty artboy: oh, thank you!

chihiro fujisaki: hang on

**chihiro fujisaki changed nasty artboy’s nickname to nasty birthdayboy!**

nasty birthdayboy: thank you, that is very kind of you, futaba.

chihiro fujisaki: annnnnnnddddddd iiiiiiiiiii will alwaaaaayyyyyyyyysssssss llllllooooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeeee yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

chihiro fujisaki: oh hey btw check underneath ur lobster tank

nasty birthdayboy: okay? wtf 

nasty birthdayboy: !!!! ARE THESE ART SUPPLY SHOP GIFT CARDS?

chihiro fujisaki: ye

chihiro fujisaki: they maxed out at 2600 yen so i just bought you a bunch of those

nasty birthdayboy: futaba! thank you so much!!

chihiro fujisaki: o yea mom wants u to visit her today

nasty birthdayboy: i’m on my way!!! ヾ(｡･ω･)ｼ

chihiro fujisaki: absolutely adorable

-

nasty birthdayboy: !!!

nasty birthdayboy: I…

nasty birthdayboy: A surprise party?

Haru Momkumura: happy birthday, yusuke!!!!! :D   
Momkoto Niijima: We thought you might like a surprise.

Mama_Sakamoto: yeah, you deserve a good birthday!!!!

nasty birthdayboy: Wait… Where are Akira and Ryuji?

Mama_Sakamoto:  _ @nasty crimeboy @nasty sportsboy  _ now!!

nasty birthdayboy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nasty birthdayboy:  _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

nasty birthdayboy:  **_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

chihiro fujisaki: i think he likes it

nasty crimeboy: We knew the drawing tablet would be a good idea

nasty sportsboy: ^^^^

motivational swedish: hey guys is yusuke crying

chihiro fujisaki: yeah a little, bring the cake out

motivational swedish: (　´∀｀)b

togoparty: Happy birthday, Yusuke!

npc: happy birthday!!!!

shoe sniffer: happy birthday roomie

nasty birthdayboy: I… Thank you all so much.

nasty sportsboy: yusuke, we all love you so much. for real.

nasty crimeboy: Legit have and would die for you

dog vote: Happy birthday, kid

jessica rabbit: Happy birthday, Yusuke.

shi a ho: happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jaa’m: h APPY B IR TH

chihiro fujisaki: in short, congrats on your birth uwu

chihiro fujisaki: we love you n ur never getting rid of us because we’re family ♡


	58. a double upload??? on him birth???? woh™™™

shoe sniffer: uhhhh i havent seen yusuke come out of his room for a while does someone wanna come drag him out

nasty crimeboy: On my way

nasty sportsboy: yeah yeah im coming in

-

nasty crimeboy: His door seems to be locked

nasty sportsboy: he never locks his door,,,

shoe sniffer: yeah, he’s been in there for a few hours now

nasty crimeboy: Do you think that this is a futaba issue

nasty sportsboy: yeah it might be

nasty crimeboy:  _ @chihiro fujisaki  _ Hey futaba do you know why yusuke locked himself in his room

chihiro fujisaki: ah

chihiro fujisaki: i think i might know

chihiro fujisaki: i’ll dm him and see if he answers

shoe sniffer: thank you, futaba

-

**You have (2) new messages from chihiro fujisaki!**

chihiro fujisaki: hey inari

chihiro fujisaki: u doin ok?? did the akihabara trip overload you?

nasty artboy: …

chihiro fujisaki: you dont need to use words right now

chihiro fujisaki: happy emoji or thumbs up emoji for yes, sad emoji for no, just like always

nasty artboy: (´；д；`), (; . ; )b

chihiro fujisaki: do you want me to come over

nasty artboy: (＾▽＾)

chihiro fujisaki: do you want me to bring the weighted blanket

nasty artboy: (＾▽＾)

chihiro fujisaki: do you want me to bring food

nasty artboy: (´；д；`)

chihiro fujisaki: do you want me to bring your stim toys

nasty artboy: °˖ ✧◝(^ ヮ ^)◜✧˖ °

chihiro fujisaki: do you want me to leave another one there this time

nasty artboy: …

chihiro fujisaki: u can just send a shrug for unsure if u want

nasty artboy: ¯\\_( ՞ ︿ ՞ )_/¯

chihiro fujisaki: remember, that’s always your choice inari

chihiro fujisaki: anyways, should we sign instead of talk this time

nasty artboy: (＾▽＾)

chihiro fujisaki: should i bring my laptop so we can watch a movie

nasty artboy: !!!! °˖ ✧◝(^ ヮ ^)◜✧˖ °°˖ ✧◝(^ ヮ ^)◜✧˖ °°˖ ✧◝(^ ヮ ^)◜✧˖ °

chihiro fujisaki: gotcha!!!! ok, last question

chihiro fujisaki: do you want me to tell the group what’s going on

nasty artboy: (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣o˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)⁼³₌₃

chihiro fujisaki: ok ok i get ya

chihiro fujisaki: ok, i’ll just tell them that you’re trying to set up your drawing tablet, is that ok?

nasty artboy: (^.^)b

-

chihiro fujisaki: he’s just having trouble setting up his drawing tablet and wants my help

nasty crimeboy: Ohhhhhhhh, makes sense

nasty sportsboy: yeah gotcha

shoe sniffer: ok!!! youll be here soon, yeah?

chihiro fujisaki: mhmm!!

-

Futaba sent Yusuke a text as soon as she was at his dorm, blanket and laptop in tow. She heard his door creak open, and crept in as quietly as she could. She smiled and set her things down, freeing her hands to sign,

_ “Hi, Inari. Toy or movie first?”  _ Yusuke gave a shaky smile as she sat down, pulling the weighted blanket around the two of them. He grabbed and held up one of his stim toys in response, a small jar full of water and glitter. Futaba smiled and reached out to pet his hair, before stopping.

_ “Is it okay to touch?”  _ Yusuke nodded and Futaba proceeded, the two sitting in relative silence in the room full of paintings as Yusuke shook the jar and watched the glitter fall, absolutely entranced by its movement. After a while of this, Yusuke set the jar down and turned to Futaba.

_ “Movie?”  _ Futaba grinned and pulled out her laptop, asking Yusuke periodically if he wanted to watch anything shown on the screen so far. After a few minutes, Yusuke gasped and pointed towards Moana. Futaba shook her head and smiled as she pressed Play, signing,

_ “You always want to watch that.”  _ Yusuke pouted at Futaba as she giggled, before signing,

_ “It’s not like you’re any better, Baba. You always pick the Phoenix Ranger Featherman R movie.”  _ Futaba giggled at Yusuke’s teasing as she turned on captions, not wanting to disturb their peaceful silence.

-

nasty artboy: Hello. Please forgive my absence.

nasty crimeboy: No it’s fine yusuke

nasty sportsboy: yea we just got worried is all, nbd

chihiro fujisaki: hey inari check behind ur lobster tank

nasty artboy: Why do you insist upon hiding things behind Pinchcasso and Michaelangelob's tank?

chihiro fujisaki: cause i can

nasty artboy: Oh… Thank you. 

nasty sportsboy: wait ur lobsters are named pinchcasso and michaelangelob???

nasty artboy: Yes.

shoe sniffer: comedy gold

nasty sportsboy: just glad ur doin okay

nasty crimeboy: Yeah, glad you’re doing alright now

nasty artboy: Thank you.

nasty artboy: … ♡

-

**You have (1) new message from chihiro fujisaki!**

chihiro fujisaki: oooh you’re serious bout those two huh

nasty artboy: shut it rat baby

chihiro fujisaki: yeah yeah love u bunches too


	59. goro akechi lost to ann in a fight pass it on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "wow!!! two updates in a week??? the author must have some serious backlo-" nope  
> lol next chapter is it for my level of backlog, but by then i'll probs have witnessed my classmates doing more stupid shit so we'll all be gucci

nasty crimeboy: GUYS RYUJI JUST LICKED A BALLOON AT THE PARTY CLEANUP

nasty sportsboy:  _ f a l s e _

nasty crimeboy: TRUE I HAVE PICTURES

**nasty crimeboy sent licc.png!**

nasty artboy: … I have one (1) boyfriend.

chihiro fujisaki: dKDHKSGDJ

motivational swedish: goro, balloons dont belong in your nose

shoe sniffer: yknow ann????? fight me

motivational swedish: oH LETS FUKCEN GO!!!!!!! ILL TAKE YOU BEHIND THE SAUNA YOU PANCAKE-LOOKIN-ASS-DICK

shoe sniffer: aLRIGHT LET’S GO, BIG BANG BURGER PARKING LOT IN 15

motivational swedish: LUULETTEKO HALUAT TAPELLA?????????? ET VOI SAADA MINUN TASOLLA, SINÄ KUSIPÄÄ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OLEN JO JAUHAA, EN OLE NÄHNYT TREENAAT KERRAN ELÄMÄSSÄNI!!!!!!!! KOKEILE MINUA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shi a ho: oh no, not again

nasty crimeboy: Oop there they go

nasty crimeboy: Lol i’m taking video of this for moomoo   
Haru Momkumura: ooh, send me that footage!!!!!!

Momkoto Niijima: I’d say don’t, but Haru is condoning it.

jessica rabbit: I really want to see this.

nasty sportsboy: oh man ann’s whoopin ass out here

nasty artboy: Akira, once this is done, send me that footage! I need to draw this.

nasty crimeboy: Kay wOAH DID EVERYONE HEAR THAT POP

chihiro fujisaki: dJKDLKD U GO ANN!!!!!

nasty crimeboy: That was fast

npc: she really made quick work of him,,,

dog vote: Oh no

dog vote: Whats the damage

nasty crimeboy: Oh goro is fine

nasty crimeboy: A few scrapes, some cuts,,,, a lot of pretty gnarly looking bite marks actually, but nothing serious

shoe sniffer: nothing serious my ass did you HEAR my back pop

**chihiro fujisaki changed shoe sniffer’s nickname to Weak Boye!**

Weak Boye: okay first of all,

motivational swedish: he tasted like asphalt and maple syrup, somebody get me some gum

Mama_Sakamoto: ,,,, i leave for ten seconds and i miss this????

chihiro fujisaki: somebody haul goro inside while akira buys ann some gum and a soda

nasty crimeboy: They have birthday cake flavor if u want ann

motivational swedish: is that even a question

nasty crimeboy: Gotcha

Weak Boye: please get me some mini-pancakes

nasty crimeboy: Fine i’ll get you some consolation pancakes

Weak Boye: thank you

  
  



	60. *futaba voice* akira is GROSS

Weak Boye: i just witnessed something amazing

motivational swedish: shut ur mouth pancake boy

motivational swedish: sHIHO IT HAPPENED AGAIN

shi a ho: dKLDFJLKF

motivational swedish: it’s not funny!!!!!!!!! im not hanging out with boys ever again!!!!!!!

shi a ho: this is gonna happen again next week

nasty crimeboy: ?

nasty crimeboy: This sounds like an embarrassing ann story and i am here for it

shi a ho: ooooh okay so ever since we were i wanna say 11, ann has been asked out by a dude at least once a year in a totally serious way

motivational swedish: if youre gonna do this youve gotta tell him about 7th grade

shi a ho: !!!!!!!! OH MY GOD YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

shi a ho: okay so it was white day, yeah??? ann gave chocolate to everyone in her class that year for valentines day, but one boy took it as an ‘i like you’ thing

shi a ho: HE BROUGHT IN A BOUQUET FOR HER

motivational swedish: ugghhhhhhhhhhhh that was so awkward!!!!!!

nasty crimeboy: D:JKLLLLLL

Weak Boye: oh man i wish i had that many dudes into me

nasty crimeboy: Maybe get rid of your mullet

Weak Boye: it isnt even a mullet anymore at this point it’s just long hair

Haru Momkumura: i enjoy braiding it! (︶▽︶)

Weak Boye: and you do a wonderful job

nasty crimeboy:  _ @chihiro fujisaki  _ Why cant we be fake siblings like that

chihiro fujisaki: cuz ur gross

nasty crimeboy: No!!!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: ye

nasty artboy: Oh, Futaba, Akira! Good to see you both!

nasty crimeboy: Oh yusuke thank god

nasty crimeboy: Do u think im gross

nasty artboy: …

nasty crimeboy: Yusuke bb please im counting on you

chihiro fujisaki: roast him, roast him, roast him

nasty artboy: I mean, Akira, ‘nasty’ is in your username.

nasty crimeboy: BETRAYAL

nasty crimeboy:  _ @nasty sportsboy  _ My love our boyfriend has betrayed me

nasty crimeboy: I must know, am i gross

nasty sportsboy: u leave ur effin dishes in the sink thats pretty gross

nasty crimeboy: nNNNNNNNnNNNNOooOOOOOOOOOO

nasty crimeboy: Dismissed!

nasty crimeboy: Rejected, publicly humiliated

nasty crimeboy: Why, it's more than I can bear   
Haru Momkumura: more beer??

nasty crimeboy: What for? Nothing helps, I'm disgraced   
Haru Momkumura: who, you??? never!!

Haru Momkumura: akira, you've got to pull yourself together

Weak Boye: nope, absolutely not, no

nasty sportsboy: but i like this song!!!!! :((((

Weak Boye: the author will straight-up die if she types all this out and shes too stubborn to copy-paste the lyrics   
nasty crimeboy: Shit fam u right

chihiro fujisaki: the what

nasty crimeboy: NOTHING

Weak Boye: what we didnt say anything at all


	61. imma be real with u this chapter is mostly just ann and makoto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay heads up  
> be prepared for next update, i'm REALLY excited about next chapter  
> and feel free to theorize (even u sam, i havent told u about this one but dont u dare check the google doc to see :3)

**You have (1) new message from motivational swedish!**

motivational swedish: hey makoto

Momkoto Niijima: Hello, Ann. Did you want to talk about something?

motivational swedish: kind of

motivational swedish: i want to talk about absolutely meaningless shit until i don’t feel gross anymore

Momkoto Niijima: Oh. Your scratching is acting up again?

motivational swedish: nah, hair pulling this time

Momkoto Niijima: Got it. Say, you never told us about your first date with Shiho…

motivational swedish: djdjkkhjk did i not tell you guys????

Momkoto Niijima: No, you just told us that you were dating one day.

motivational swedish: ok so we started “dating” about a week before the,,,  _ incident _ , but our first date was a bit after she finally finished physical therapy!!! we went to this crepe place and went on a ‘walk’ (i pushed her chair) in the park

Momkoto Niijima: Awww.

motivational swedish: then when we got back to her place she asked me to lean down and i totally thought she was about to kiss me and then she honked in my ear

Momkoto Niijima: Wtf.

motivational swedish: then she kissed me once we were done dying laughing

Momkoto Niijima: Awwwww?

motivational swedish: yeah shes adorable i love her

motivational swedish: anyways i wanna hear about YOUR first date with haru

Momkoto Niijima: Ooh, this is a toughie. Do you want our first first date, or our first official date?

motivational swedish: first official my mcman

Momkoto Niijima: Got it. So, we went to this stupid fancy restaurant downtown. I was super underdressed, so Haru let me wear one of her dresses, but it was a bit big on me.

motivational swedish: cuteeeee

Momkoto Niijima: Anyways, afterwards we went to that karaoke bar, and she was super overdressed! So I lent her some of my clothes, leading us to be in clothes that didn’t fit at all when we sang.

motivational swedish: what did u sing

Momkoto Niijima: Some American song? Haru said it was from a movie called “High School Musical”. I think it was called Breaking Free.

motivational swedish: hey remind me to high-five haru next time i see her

Momkoto Niijima: O… Kay? Anyways, are you good now, or do you want to watch a movie?

motivational swedish: oooh we should watch high school musical!!!! mind if i head to ur dorm?

Momkoto Niijima: Not at all. English audio, Japanese sub?

motivational swedish: sounds good, my english is a bit rusty

Momkoto Niijima: See you soon!

-

motivational swedish:  _ @Haru Momkumura  _ makoto loves hsm

Haru Momkumura: knew it!!!! lol goro lost our bet~!

nasty crimeboy: Ooh movie night

motivational swedish: lol yeah

nasty crimeboy: speaking of which pt checkup  _ @motivational swedish (and 6 others) _

nasty sportsboy: oh im gucci fam, with you around to keep my anger spots in check im doing better

nasty artboy: I… Am still having trouble with my mental health, but Goro has been monitoring my diet.

Weak Boye: i think i speak for all of us when i say that i still get the nightmares, but theyre fading a bit

Haru Momkumura: i’m... okay. distracting myself can help!!! my yoga is doing wonders for me ♡

Momkoto Niijima: I’m doing much better than I was at first.

chihiro fujisaki: nyeeeeeeeeh not g r e a t, but i’ve been going out more!!!! :D the bad thoughts are there, but they’re slowly getting smaller.

motivational swedish: my hair pulling and skin scratching are acting up a lot lately, but i’m,,,, okay

nasty crimeboy: My turn

nasty crimeboy: The thoughts and nightmares are as bad as ever, and i don’t go near the center of shibuya still, but i don’t feel wary about holding a knife or making coffee anymore, and the thought of jail is still about ten levels of fuckery on my mind

nasty crimeboy: But with everyone here to keep me in check, i’m doing better than at ‘home’

chihiro fujisaki: we’ve got each other’s backs broski

nasty crimeboy: ♡

motivational swedish: OMG MAKOTO IS SINGING ALONG TO HSM YOU GUYS

motivational swedish: u okay with me being troy this time

Haru Momkumura: go for it!!!!!

motivational swedish: yaaaay!!

-

**You have (1) new message from Momkoto Niijima!**

Momkoto Niijima: Ann, there’s something I want to do.


	62. ... you know ;)

Haru Momkumura: you all will not  _ believe  _ who I ran into while I was running errands!!

Momkoto Niijima: Who?

Haru Momkumura: my ex-fiance! he kind of has me trapped right now, i’d appreciate if someone could come get me

motivational swedish: i could!!!

Momkoto Niijima: No, let me do this. There’s something I want to do.

-

**You have (1) new message from motivational swedish!**

motivational swedish: omg is it time????

Momkoto Niijima: It is. God, I’m nervous...

-

“Anyways, little heiress, how are you? Sure you won’t reconsider marrying me? It’ll be good for both of us in the long run.” Haru sighed and glanced around nervously, and saw the cafe door opening in her peripheral. She saw Makoto saunter up to the table, and gladly accepted her kiss. Makoto smiled and looked down at her ex over her sunglasses.

“Now, Haru dear, is this a friend of yours that I should meet?” Haru giggled and leaned in to Makoto, showing much more PDA than usual. Her ex went pale.

“W-Who are you?” Makoto ruffled Haru’s hair and fished around in her bag for something before smirking and pulling out what looked to be a small switchblade with an engraving in its wooden casing.

“Well, ah, if she accepts, I’m hoping that I’m her new fiancee. So, what do you say, Haru?” Haru’s eyes welled up with tears as she jumped into Makoto’s arms, not a care in the world.

“Yes, yes, absolutely! Oh my god, you drama queen, Akira’s been rubbing off on you.” Makoto giggled and nuzzled her face to Haru’s as her ex-fiance stormed out.

-

Haru Momkumura: DID YOU ALL KNOW   
nasty crimeboy: :3

nasty sportsboy: uwu

nasty artboy: Classified.

chihiro fujisaki: im assuming you said yes then

Weak Boye: god that was such a hard secret to keep.

motivational swedish: yeah, no kidding!!!!! makoto started planning ages ago

shi a ho: babe i called it

motivational swedish: i was absolutely convinced that haru would propose ok??? not my fault that makoto lost me the bet

togoparty: Finally. I had to avoid coming on chat for fear of spoiling the surprise.

nasty artboy: Nice work, Makoto.

Momkoto Niijima: Thank youuuuu! :D

Haru Momkumura: babe that was so rad

chihiro fujisaki: hey do i have ur permission to change ur usernames

Momkoto Niijima: You have mine.

Haru Momkumura: mine too!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: fantastic

**chihiro fujisaki changed Momkoto Niijima’s nickname to “engayged lesbian”!**

**chihiro fujisaki changed Haru Momkumura’s nickname to “switchblade lesbian”!**

switchblade lesbian: ,,,, i like it!!!!

engayged lesbian: It has a nice  _ ring _ to it.

nasty crimeboy: Oh my god makoto punned

jessica rabbit: Ooh, you finally proposed! Agh, I’m so proud of you!

Weak Boye: omg sae is gonna be my sister in law!!!!!

jessica rabbit: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Almost in-laws movie night?

Weak Boy: YES.

switchblade lesbian: glad to see that you two are getting along!!!!!

jessica rabbit: Listen, we’re watching Zootopia.

switchblade lesbian: ♡

engayged lesbian: Anywho, Haru and I are engaged! Holy shit! The knife is so pretty!

switchblade lesbian: it’s absolutely gorgeous, makoto!!!

nasty crimeboy: Omg yeah the knife

motivational swedish: knife???

switchblade lesbian: ah, she didn’t propose to me with a ring, but with a lovely replica switchblade!!!

nasty crimeboy: Lol you can thank iwai for that

engayged lesbian: Please give him my thanks again. 

switchblade lesbian: ♡♡♡♡ 

engayged lesbian: Wow I Love My Fiancee.

nasty sportsboy: ur just a hopeless lesbian

engayged lesbian: And you’re a hopeless bisexual, your point?

switchblade lesbian: ooooh, she got you there!!!!!!

nasty sportsboy: ,,,,

**nasty sportsboy changed nasty sportsboy’s nickname to “nasty sportsbi”!**

nasty sportsbi: :D

nasty crimeboy: ,,,, Ryuji i love you oh my god

nasty artboy: Our boyfriend is fantastic.

**nasty crimeboy changed nasty crimeboy’s nickname to “nasty crimegay”!**

nasty crimegay: <3 We match

nasty artboy: My turn.

**nasty artboy changed nasty artboy’s nickname to “nasty artace”!**

nasty artace: What do you think?

chihiro fujisaki: bless this pure boi i love him so much wow thats my best friend

engayged lesbian: Fantastic, Yusuke.

switchblade lesbian: can’t believe im finally wifing makoto!

jessica rabbit: I can’t believe that Makoto is wifing someone. Not before me, I’m demiace, she just seems like a lone wolf type.

nasty crimegay: Oh she was

nasty crimegay: Keyword “was”

nasty sportsbi: then we made her join the funky fresh phantom gays

nasty artace: Now she’s no longer a lone wolf!

jessica rabbit: Oh my god, what did you do?

nasty crimegay: Hug pile sleepover

nasty sportsbi: that was fun

nasty artace: I got to draw on Ryuji’s face, so that’s a win.

nasty sportsbi: sO IT WAS YOU

jessica rabbit: Hug pile?

nasty crimegay: Yeah we hug someone (if they agree to it) until they feel loved and welcomed

nasty sportsbi: skeptical yusuke started the tradition because SOMEONE didnt feel loved and supported and soon it just became a new member thing

nasty sportsbi: after ur first heist finished u got hug piled

nasty crimegay: I just realized

nasty crimegay: Goro never got hug piled

nasty sportsboy: omg ur right

Weak Boye: wait what

nasty crimegay: Ok goro do you consent to being hugged with all the combined force of the phantom thieves including morgana

Weak Boye: yeah i guess

nasty crimegay: Great ok thiefsquad assemble

nasty crimegay: We have a tradition to complete

-

Weak Boye: ,,,, man physical affection is cool i’m super touch starved

nasty artace: And boom. Realization.

engayged lesbian: 1000 yen says he’s a hugger.

switchblade lesbian: i’ll take that bet!!!!!!

Weak Boye: haru you know your luck with bets

-

**You have (1) new message from switchblade lesbian!**

switchblade lesbian: shhhhh this is my way of giving them money without them feeling bad or getting embarrassed since it’s easier than hiding money in their dorm

Weak Boye: ohhhhhhh

Weak Boye: i gotchu

-

nasty artace: And we have a verdict. Goro just hugged me for a reason he cited as “hug time”.

switchblade lesbian: oh, darn!!!!!! guess i should give you your money now, so we don’t forget!!!!!! what a shame!!!!!!! 

engayged lesbian: Haru, we know you’re doing this to give us money in a discreet way.

switchblade lesbian: shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hAH, BET YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DIDNT EXPECT THAT!!!! (i mean motherfuckers in the most affectionate way possible <3)


	63. 7 chapters

switchblade lesbian: everyone cancel their plans for the week and get to my house, we’re going to america and doing a road trip to celebrate the engagement!!! akira is driving first

nasty crimegay: Haru did you talk to the others about this already

switchblade lesbian: what do you take me for, a fool??? i already told yusuke, futaba, goro, mom, boss, shiho, and sae!!!!!!! everyone who would have scheduling issues!!!!!!!

nasty crimegay: Im so proud,,,,, omg

nasty crimegay: Anyhoodle ya everyone to haru’s place so we can decide the driver order

-

nasty sportsbi: did i ever tell yall about that time with the news debate

motivational swedish: omg i totally forgot about that!!!!!!!

nasty sportsbi: i think shiho took an audio recording

nasty sportsbi: basically i made a huge point on journalists in war but i dont remember it

shi a ho: “It’s like… All of you who’re sayin’ that the journalists in war zones don’t do as much as the soldiers… D’you think their lives are worth less because of their product? I’d say they even do more! Pen is mightier than the sword, or whatever, but do you know  _ why? _ Cause the sword wins the war ‘n all, but the pen tells the public to put  _ their _ swords down and take a rest.”

nasty sportsbi: WOAH

nasty sportsbi: THAT’S RAD AS HELL OMG

nasty artace: That’s…. Extremely smart, Ryuji.

chihiro fujisaki: man this car ride is taking foreeevvvveeeerrrrrr my switch died ages ago

jessica rabbit: If you’re so bored, you can play with me on my Switch.

chihiro fujisaki: !!!!!!!! OMG THANK YOU I LOVE YOU YOURE MY HERO IM FUCKIGN,,,,,,,,

jessica rabbit: Please stop crying on me and just take the damn controller.

chihiro fujisaki: right, right!!!!!!!! ooh, is that snipperclips???

jessica rabbit: Oh, want to play?

chihiro fujisaki: ya sure!! hey inari, ann, wanna play snipperclips with sae n i

nasty artace: Sure!

motivational swedish: yell heah

Weak Boye: 20 says this ends in chaos

-

npc: please stop yelling

jessica rabbit: I WOULD IF  _ FUTABA  _ WOULD COOPERATE.

chihiro fujisaki: MY IDEA IS BETTER

nasty artace: No, I’m pretty sure every idea but Ann’s would work.

motivational swedish: MY IDEA WOULD WORK EVEN BETTER THAN ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!

npc: i have an idea

nasty artace: Oh god, thank you for turning that goddamn thing off. They were about to rip off each other’s heads.

chihiro fujisaki: MY IDEA WOULDA WORKED

jessica rabbit: MINE WOULD HAVE WORKED TOO!

-

motivational swedish: omg that’s adorable, everyone get a picture

nasty artace: Anger makes Futaba sleepy.

engayged lesbian: Same with Sis. I never imagined they’d fall asleep on each other…

Mama_Sakamoto: that’s how we do!!!

Mama_Sakamoto: now, somebody told me about a “mementos” playlist??

nasty sportsbi: anything but that

Weak Boye: please god no

npc: n O PLEASE NO I HEARD IT ONCE

Mama_Sakamoto: alright, alright, i’ll just put on mine!!!

switchblade lesbian: oh, i love this song!!!!!!!


	64. 6 chapters

nasty crimegay: Hey  _ @Weak Boye  _ switchoff drivers

Weak Boye: alright, pull over at this next gas station and i’ll head up front

nasty crimegay: Thanks goro

Weak Boye: no prob

nasty crimegay: Next up is makoto, hopefully everyone’s awake by then

Weak Boye: i’ll keep that in mind, you get some rest.

nasty crimegay: Thanks

nasty crimegay: Yknow it’s weird

nasty crimegay: A year ago i wouldn’t have trusted you with a glass of water

nasty crimegay: Now i’m letting you drive a car full of people i love while i sleep

Weak Boye: funny how people change, huh

nasty crimegay: Yeah, really is

nasty crimegay: I’m glad i can trust you again, goro, i really am

Weak Boye: im glad im worthy of trust

nasty crimegay: See you when i wake up

Weak Boye: goodnight

-

Weak Boye:  _ @engayged lesbian  _ MAKOTO SWITCH OFF SWITCH OFF NOW

engayged lesbian: Okay, pull over in that field!

Weak Boye: OK OK OK

engayged lesbian: Now breathe. I’m going to open the driver’s side door, and you’re going to get out of the car, take a moment, and get in in the back.

Weak Boye: ok,,,,

engayged lesbian: Now breathe. You must have dozed off and had a nightmare.

Weak Boye: yeah,,, i drove for way too long

engayged lesbian: You go ahead in the back, I can drive.

Weak Boye: thank you so much,,,,, ann is next up

engayged lesbian: Got it. Thank you for driving, Goro.

Weak Boye: no problem, makoto

-

engayged lesbian: Ann, I’m going to pull over and switch off.

motivational swedish: ok!! just lemme use the bathroom here real quick 

engayged lesbian: Alright. If you could, can you bring back a bottle of root beer for me?

motivational swedish: HAH I KNEW YOU LIKED IT

engayged lesbian: I’m going to sleep. Ryuji is next.

motivational swedish: mkay, thanks makoto!!!!

-

motivational swedish: mkay  _ @nasty sportsbi  _ switch

nasty sportsbi: lol k

motivational swedish: dont crash us or anything

nasty sportsbi: ye of little faith,,,,

-

chihiro fujisaki: WOAH STOP THE CAR STOP THE CAR, INARI’S GONNA PUKE

nasty sportsbi: JESUS CHRIST

nasty crimegay: ,,, Maybe we should stop at a gas station and get him some water and antinausea stuff

chihiro fujisaki: seconded

nasty artace: Thirded… 

-

chihiro fujisaki: whats this state called it sucks

Weak Boye: i think this is indiana

nasty crimegay: Dont say it sucks, the author is from there

chihiro fujisaki: what

nasty crimegay: Nothing

-

motivational swedish: ARE WE HERE

switchblade lesbian: we are!!!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: FUCKIN FINALLY WHERE ARE WE

switchblade lesbian: arizona! we get to see the grand canyon!!!!!!

chihiro fujisaki: HARU HOLY SHIT I LOVE YOU THIS IS SO COOL

nasty artace: Ooh, I need to take pictures!

nasty crimegay: I’m paranoid and scared of heights, so no texting near the edge because frankly i know that someone would end up dropping their phone

chihiro fujisaki: ugh fine :(((( can we take pictures

nasty crimegay: Yeah


	65. 5 chapters

chihiro fujisaki: hey hey hey inari look at this

nasty crimegay: Why is yusuke crying

chihiro fujisaki: we found a cool rock

nasty crimegay: Oh makes sense

nasty sportsbi: guys im hungry i want ihop

motivational swedish: !!!!!!!! IHOP!!!!!!!!!!

togoparty: That sounds... Interesting.

shi a ho: wait how does ryuji know about ihop

nasty sportsbi: google

npc: oh man im hungry,,,,,,,

switchblade lesbian: makooooo, can we go to ihop

engayged lesbian: … Fine. Let’s go to IHOP.

jessica rabbit: Somebody tell Akechi. WITHOUT screaming “PANCAKES” in his ear,  _ Akira _ .

nasty crimegay: Awwwww :(

nasty artace: I don’t know what I can eat there, I have a smaller appetite than normal…

motivational swedish: futaba i need u to pretend to be like 12 so we can get yusuke a kids menu

chihiro fujisaki: sounds good!!!! i wanted a kids menu anyways lol

nasty sportsbi: hey babes dyou think they have a big enough table for all 13 of us??? 14 if u count morgana

nasty crimegay: I guess we’ll see

-

The group was chatting around a large table that had been pushed into existence by horrified employees. Ann had ordered for everyone, and was now braiding Shiho’s hair while chatting away with Togo about the woes of a polyglot. Futaba was playing some multiplayer game with Yusuke on her phone, and Sae was chatting with an embarrassed Makoto, likely gushing over her sister’s newfound engagement. Goro was squabbling with Haru, who kept stealing his bacon and taking sips from his drink. Ryuji was eating with his head on his mom’s shoulder, as she gently pet his bleached hair and softly talked with Sojiro. Akira took another bite of his omelet and sighed happily.

“Akira, pass the maple syrup, please!” Akira snapped out of his trance and slid the bottle of maple syrup down to Goro, who grinned as Haru tried to sneak another piece of bacon. Makoto smiled at her fiancee and slid her plate of bacon in between the two of them as they sat across from each other. Akira clinked his fork against his glass to get everyone’s attention, and said,

“You know, I used to wonder if it was worth it. If it was worth it to keep going through timelines, living lifetimes in the same year. There was always that moment of awareness, right before I’d reset, that  _ this has happened before _ . But… For some reason, I think it’s sticking. I’ve never made it this far before. And maybe it’s because… I’ve finally found home. With all of you. I used to think I’d die for you. After seeing you get arrested and captured and killed over and over again, it felt right. But, dying got boring pretty fast. So, I want you to know that I’d live for you.” Ann, who was on Akira’s left gasped and pulled him into a hug, as every Phantom Thief and their closest friends embraced him, holding him tight and grounding him into this world.  _ His  _ world.


	66. 4 chapters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i assume you know what this means now, don’t you?

Futaba grinned as she saw Ryuji’s mom walk in, a fresh box of hair dye and hair cutting scissors in hand. Futaba grinned as Ryuji’s mom pulled out a box of lilac purple dye. Ryuji’s mom said,

“We have all night, dear. So, I cut your hair and you dye mine?” Futaba nodded as Ryuji’s mom pulled out a towel.

“Should we start?” Futaba nodded, and Ryuji’s mom went to work, delicately cutting her hair up to her mid-back. Once she finished, Futaba pulled out hair bleach and the dye, looking to Ryuji’s mom.

“You sure about this? You can’t go back, you know. You’ve got to let it grow out once it happens, or re-dye it.” Ryuji’s mom nodded and sat down on a stool as Futaba pulled on latex gloves and smiled.

“Let’s get to work.”

-

Haru held the gym’s punching bag steady as Makoto practiced, punching and kicking until she was panting with the effort. Haru tossed Makoto her water and she caught it in midair before taking a long drink.

“Thanks, Haru.” Haru gave Makoto a thumbs up as she took a picture, and Makoto blushed. Haru giggled and said,

“What, babe? You looked nice. Plus, a girl who can bench press me is  _ hot _ .” Makoto went beet red and hid her head in her hands as Sae called out from a treadmill,

“Gross! Besides, how many pictures of her working out do you have anyways?” Haru smirked and called back,

“A lot!” Makoto groaned and layed down on the floor, warm and blushing with embarrassment. She mumbled through her hands,

“I love you, why do you do this to me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let the end begin


	67. 3 chapters

Ann set down a Draw Four and Yuuki groaned while Shiho giggled and checked through her own deck.

“Ann, why… I thought we were friends!” Ann looked down, trying not to laugh before saying,

“There are no friends in Uno… Only shaky alliances.” Shiho laughed behind her hand and leaned in to kiss Ann before saying.

“Ooh, scary. Am I a shaky alliance?” Ann gladly accepted the kiss and held Shiho’s face in her hands before saying,

“The shakiest, since I love you so much.” Yuuki hit the two with a pillow and stuck out his tongue, yelling,

“Gross, you nerds!” Ann stood up and grabbed another pillow, grinning wildly, as Shiho sat on a bed, watching.

“I’ll defend my girlfriend’s honor! FIGHT ME, YUUKI!” Shiho giggled and said,

“Alright, I want a good, clean pillow fight. Three, two, one, GO!”

-

Sojiro frowned as he tasted the coffee, before giving another mug to Togo and sighing loudly.

“Worst cup I’ve ever tasted. By the grace of the gods, I got a single room. Well, if you don’t count the cat.” Togo took a sip and coughed, grimacing.

“I have to wonder what those dorks are up to. I’m rooming with the detective.” Sojiro nodded and said,

“Yikes. Good luck, kid. I’m going to turn in.” Togo nodded. Before Sojiro left, the two locked eyes and simultaneously dumped their coffee in the sink, letting it go down the drain.


	68. 2 chapters

Yusuke saw Ryuji outside that night, and briskly walked down to the pool. They were staying at a hotel, and the outdoor pool was warm and open at all hours. As Yusuke sat down in a chair next to Ryuji’s towel, Ryuji climbed out of the pool and waved, giving his golden-retriever grin. He sat down next to Yusuke and sighed.

“Nightmares, man. Y’know, what Akira said earlier, about the timelines… What if it just stops sticking? What if we wake up tomorrow and he’s just gone. What’ll we do then?” Yusuke sighed and gently held his hand, looking him as close to in the eyes as he could.

“Ryuji. I read a poem the other day, and I think it describes Akira well. I’ll send you the translated text. I’ll be back up in a few minutes, don’t let Akira steal the blankets.” Ryuji gave Yusuke a quick kiss and nodded. He jogged back to his room, laying down in his, Yusuke’s, and Akira’s bed and checking that Akira was still there. Quickly, his phone dinged with a message.

**nasty artace:** _ Do not go gentle into that good night, _ __  
_ Old age should burn and rave at close of day; _ __  
_ Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _ __  
__  
_ Though wise men at their end know dark is right, _ __  
_ Because their words had forked no lightning they _ __  
_ Do not go gentle into that good night. _ __  
__  
_ Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright _ __  
_ Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, _ __  
_ Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _ __  
__  
_ Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, _ __  
_ And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, _ __  
_ Do not go gentle into that good night. _ __  
__  
_ Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight _ __  
_ Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, _ __  
_ Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _ __  
__  
_ And you, my father, there on the sad height, _ __  
_ Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. _ __  
_ Do not go gentle into that good night. _ _  
_ __ Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Ryuji smiled as he softly read the poem aloud, looking at Akira’s sleeping form. He pressed a kiss into Akira’s hair and whispered,

“If you ever have to leave us… Do not go gentle.”

-

Akira was wide awake. He knew that Ryuji was scared, and he was too. He texted Goro.

**nasty crimegay: Goro, what if i’m sucked away into another timeline again**

**Weak Boye: you won’t be, plain and simple**

**Weak Boye: you’ve lasted this long, we aren’t letting you go anywhere, got it?**

**nasty crimegay: Thank you goro, just,,,,**

**nasty crimegay: I’m scared**

**nasty crimegay: The dreams are more vivid and i’m** **_scared_ **

**Weak Boye: i know, i know**

**Weak Boye: but you’re going to wake up in the morning sandwiched between your two boyfriends, and you’ll know that everything is okay**

**Weak Boye: goodnight**

Akira sighed and smiled as he looked at Ryuji, who was taking up most of the bed. Goro was right. He was safe.

-

They hit the road early that morning, Makoto at the wheel. They drove for hours, and she finally switched off and let Akira drive. Sae and Futaba were playing Mario Kart, while Haru was quietly discussing coffee with Sojiro, a sleeping Makoto on her shoulder. Ryuji was ‘bonding’ with Yusuke, which mostly consisted of them playing horror games on Ryuji’s phone together. The rest were asleep, and even Akira found himself drowsy in such a calm. He couldn’t have known the reason.


	69. finale

_ Do not go gentle into that good night, _

It was a rainy night. Always a good start to any horror story. Akira was driving this time, driving to the airport. He had been driving for hours.

_ Old age should burn and rave at close of day; _

Akira was tired. His friends were all asleep in the back seats, a few snoring as they slept through the lightning and thunder.

_ Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

Before he knew what had happened, the headlights burned out. He couldn’t see where he was going anymore.

_ Though wise men at their end know dark is right, _

Akira took a deep breath and pulled over. Nothing terrible, he’d just have to wake up the others.

_ Because their words had forked no lightning they _

He opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn’t help but wonder if his friends were okay when the headlights went out.

_ Do not go gentle into that good night. _

He thought he heard their voices, but that was impossible. They were asleep in the car. He thought he heard them call to him, ask him for… Something.

_ Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright _

Akira pulled out his phone to call roadside assistance and stopped. The Metaverse app. It had been gone for so long, why was it back?

_ Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, _

He remembered the good he’d done, but did he want to leave them? He shook Ryuji’s shoulder. Nothing.

_ Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

He tried to speak, but he had no voice. He tried to get back in the car, but he couldn’t open the door. The app opened itself.

_ Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, _

For the first time in what was almost three years, he felt dread at the sight before him. His worst nightmares, manifest.

_ And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, _

**“̷̧̡̧̖͇̲̖͈̞͎̫͓͇̜̻̟͕̠̫̮̫̦͓̱̜͇͚̂͌̀̐̀̈̉͛̈̂̋͒̿̈́͋͊̈̇̓̐̎̏͆̐̀̈́͊̕̚̕̕͜͝͝͝ͅA̵̤̳̘͕͕̝̻͕̫̦͆̆͛̏͌̽̉͂̓̒͂̄̑̏̉̓͒́̐̿̇̿̊͋̔̕̕̕͝ͅĶ̶̛̦̺̯̘͍̭̬̯̜͔̺͙̖̭̭̭̹̘̻̙̰̰̗̞̠̗̾̂̓̿̈̾̓̿͗̆̇̑̀́̆̊̌͊̚̚̕͝I̷̡̧̢̳̰̜͉̥̬͕̝̝̖̣̱̺̘̮̳̮̽R̴̨̡̨̨̨̛̛͓̯̻͈̼͕͖͎͉̣̤̯̻̩̰̫͎̲͙̤̳̪̹̞̟̪̘̲̲̖̔͛̆́̾̾̈̾̓͆̊̌̎͛́̎͊̇͒͑͒̽̕͘̚͜͠͠͝͝Ą̴̢̡̘̻̝̰̫̪͔̜̭̬̗̫͚̞̣͔͖̞̯̥͕̬͇̪̜̪̳̑̓̒͂̐͘͜͜͜͜͠ͅ!̵̢̹̣͚͈̞͍͕̣̥̖̹̺͕̭̰̭̠̘͇͖̲̗͍̳̝̝̆̈́̄̿̓͌̋͐͆̽̍̎̽̊͑̏̚͜͠͠͠͠”̸͇͔͓͔́̅̔̽̅͆͠**

Their words weren’t clear. His mind wasn’t clear.

_ Do not go gentle into that good night. _

**P̵̣̘͇̼̑̔L̸̹̓̿̀̋͆͐̉Ë̷̖͙̫͙̖̪̟̹́̂̔Ä̶̦͍̱̼̰͇̏́̇̓͌͂́S̷̛̥̳̥͉̊̇̈́̿Ȩ̴̧͚̮͙̞̲̹͔͋̿̓̂̈́̍̂̇!̴̼̠̦̖̙̇̍͆̊̅͒̔ͅ**

**̶̝̖̯̰͕̘̓͑̉̅̒̋͐̈́̃̚D̴͉͈͎̣͖̪͔̦͙̣̬̅̓́̀O̵̺̦̘̦͖̼̘͉̺̙̱͋Ǹ̶̛͙͚̘̜̟'̷̖͗͑̍͊̐́́͊Ţ̷̡̜̻͎̑̋ ̶̛̤͈̣̍̋̚L̸͔̞̣͈͉̓͌͌̒̕Ê̷̫̝̓̅͋A̷̡̯͕̦̹̯͂͆̅̾̋̚͜V̷̳̙̲͚̯̪̗̣̽͋̆̓̂Ë̸̡͍̦̠̰̻̬̲͎́́͜͝!̵̡̓͐**

His head hurt. He couldn’t figure out what the voices said.

_ Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight _

**W̸̳̠̦̱̤͉̓H̵̢͉͔̭̏̀́͛̕̚ͅA̵̡̯͝T̵̺͎̳̃͂͝'̸̯̹̣́̌̅̂̀͝S̷̡͎̠͉̣̿̌́̀ ̵̮̾̉̀͝H̴̞̟́̇̾A̷̟̿̽͠P̸̟͑̀̀P̸͓̜̫̊̽͘E̸̮̼̜̼̖͒̌̎̇̔N̶̙̮͊͆I̶͔̩̲̱͌͗̇ͅŅ̵͚̭͙̋̂̂̆G̶͇̺̖̹̠̥̈́̐̄̈?̷̧̛̘͉̟̱͇̇̎̆͊͠**

**̵̟͖̟̓͗̍̇͠S̸̢̤̼̯͋̈́͑̉͛̿͜T̵͕̘͗̅̚̚͝A̷͇͓̒̋̂͆̎Y̷̛͍̲̟̫͆̅̄͠ ̷͔̪̈́̏͘Ẇ̸̠̓̍Ï̶͍̺͓Ṭ̷̬̒̍Ȟ̷̱̠̉̃̑̅̅ ̷͍̱̥̫͎̇͆͠ͅṺ̸͖̺͗͑̃͜ͅS̴̫͊͆̑ͅ!̸̮͍̝̠͙͂**

His eyes went blurry with tears. Why couldn’t he understand?

_ Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, _

**P̷̟͊ĺ̸̫ê̷̺a̶͆͜s̶̲̕e̵̝͝.̶̻̉.̵͉͠.̵͙̀** **  
** **̶̤̎W̷͚̕e̷̛̖ ̴͉͠l̸̰̎ó̶̹v̷̲̽e̵̩̔ ̵͍̈y̶͜͝o̶̟̓u̴̪̽.̷̨͝**

He could barely breathe. Somebody loved him… But who? He couldn’t remember their names.

_ Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

He couldn’t see anymore. He could tell that he was still near the van, but something was very wrong.

_ And you, my father, there on the sad height, _

**Y̴͈̒ȍ̸͉ũ̶̡'̷̘͊r̸͔̄e̸͚̍ ̵͔͝t̷̺̄o̵̲̽o̶̺̐ ̶͖̒f̸̡̉a̸͉͑r̸͚̿ ̶͚̋g̷̘̑o̴̰͐n̷̨̛e̴̗̽ ̶̰́n̷̻̎o̵̪͌ẁ̴̹,̸̤̈ ̶̤͠c̶̮̅o̸̺̅m̴͔̽è̶̥ ̷͉̚f̵͎͘i̸̬͑ñ̵̨d̴͉̈́ ̴̮̾u̴̳̾s̸̞͝.̷̮͒**

**Y̶͇̐õ̵̘u̶̟͛'̵͓̕l̷̻̔l̷̝̀ ̶̦̐k̶̻̍ǹ̷̥o̴͉̊w̶͖̐ ̶͍̔ś̵͜o̶̤̅o̶̼̕n̸̙͐.̴̹͒**

He heard his mother. He heard his father. He heard the… Events of that fateful night.

_ Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. _

__ **D̴o̴n̷'̶t̴ ̷f̴o̶r̸g̴e̸t̶ ̵u̵s̷!̷**

**W̴e̶'̵l̶l̶ ̴c̸o̸m̷e̸ ̴g̸e̷t̷ ̸y̴o̵u̸.̷**

He was being sucked into a place he knew he remembered, but couldn’t reach.

_ Do not go gentle into that good night. _

**R̸e̴m̶e̶m̵b̶e̵r̸ ̶t̷h̸e̶s̸e̷ ̴n̷a̶m̵e̵s̵!̸**

**R̴Y̸U̸J̷I̵ ̶A̴N̸N̴ ̸Y̷U̷S̷U̴K̸E̷ ̵M̷A̵K̴O̶T̶O̶ ̴F̵U̴T̴A̸B̸A̴ ̴H̷A̴R̴U̴ ̵G̸O̸R̷O̴!**

He committed them to memory, though he didn’t know where that was,  _ when  _ that was.

 

-

They were in the hospital, anxiously waiting to hear about Futaba. She had been in the front seat during the crash. As soon as they got permission, they rushed into her room, some, though Sojiro would deny it, crying. She weakly croaked,

“Is… Is Akira okay?” They looked at each other. Nobody knew what to tell her. Yuuki went to the front of the crowd, and simply said,

“Timeline bullshit happened, and… He’s gone. New save file, in your terms.” Futaba sat upright, mouth agape.

“No, no, no… Someone hand me my phone, this can’t be happening!” Ryuji handed her her phone and sighed.

“I already tried. His contact was deleted, and so was everything else that was definitely his.” Futaba put her face in her hands and sobbed. Akira Kurusu was gone.

-

Ren Amamiya woke up on a train to Tokyo, on the first of April, 2016 with only a handful of names and eight words in his mind. He whispered them to himself.

__ _ “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa thank you for all of your love and support over the almost year i’ve been doing this!!! this is not the end, and i hope you stick around for the next part!!! love you all, and see you soon!! :D  
> -  
>  **the phantom thieves: do not go gentle will premiere on may 27th, 2019**


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